


Best of both Worlds

by Jobinxzkie12



Category: Call of Duty
Genre: Angst, Awkwardness, Cliche, Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cutesy, Drama, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-06-10 05:02:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 52,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6940906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jobinxzkie12/pseuds/Jobinxzkie12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gary ‘Roach’ Sanderson rode his life full of twists and turns, yet he remained intact and still smiled at the cruel and dark world. Then he met his superior, Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley, who made the young man’s heart strangely flutter. Would his cold superior reciprocate the warm feelings?  Or will Roach fall to his own made bad ending?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Your Past, My present & Our Future

**Author's Note:**

> Best of Both Worlds is currently revising. Old chapters were deleted so that the plot won't be confusing. Copyright of Jobinxzkie12 in AO3 and Shadow012 in fanfiction. No part of this story may be reproduced, stored, copied or/and transmitted in any form or by any means without prior permission of the author.
> 
> Thank you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to my lovely readers! Best of Both Worlds will be changed and I’m trying my best to edit the chapters quickly as possible. The new plot will have a little difference so please, please, please… Bear with me. Eep! 
> 
> I decided to delete the old chapters so that it won’t be confusing, hehe.
> 
> BOBW will be edited and it will be better… I hope. I’ll try my very best to finish this story this year! Thank you so much! And loveyalots!

_“Why will you kick someone away, if that person wants to care for you and stay?”_

* * *

 

The room’s been so dark and cold for so long–for so long he’s been so alone.

Watching the blank ceiling atop leads to pointless and hopeless thoughts inside his head; and he do know–like every other night– he will have again his nightmares.

Simon Riley’s been sick of _everything._

Sick of these _nights._

Sick of _living_.

Sick of _life._

Sick of _waiting._

He has been waiting for a remedy to calm his demos controlling him or maybe waiting perhaps for someone to mend.

But until now, he’s waiting for nothing– _emptiness devours him._

Such a pathetic cliché he’s been thinking all about.

He shook his head and stands up to get his sleeping pills hidden carefully inside his drawers. The pills were not recommended now for him because he’s been drinking those–until he’s over than over

dose. But still he found a way to get those pills in hand.

Simon popped two pills from the bottle and drank it, hoping that his nightmares will go away

–still hoping until now.

He went back to his bed and closed his eyes shut, grimacing at the terror of his past memories.

-

-

-

-

In his deep sleep, he saw again his demons haunting him and breaking him. But despite of his nightmares, a light speckled him a hope; an angel made a way for him to leave his cage.  
Finally for a long time, he’s free from his chains that shackled him. He saw a hand reaching for him earnestly–yearning to hold him close.

He saw a tender and loving face, drawing him closer for refuge from his nightmares and demons. When he was about to walk close near the other man, everything fades away into a blurry vision.  
And Simon discovered he’s on his bed in the middle of the night, realizing that was his **_first dream._**

 

* * * * *

 

It’s 6 o’clock in the morning.

The mess hall is in dead silence. Only muffled breathes and the clock ticking on the wall were heard. Most of the men find it uncomfortable staying in an empty and deserted room. A room that is just still. There are times it should be like this way - just still yet mesmerizing to hear. A mess hall in silence is rare for some, because soldiers need to wake up earlier than 0600 for reveilles and PTs.  
But today, the TF141 are enjoying their one day off-duty. The superiors will be glad to have their off-duty too, but, they have still important businesses to do. Captain John Mactavish, which is known by the nickname Soap and his lieutenant Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley – the two main superiors in TF141 – are the only ones who are wide awake.

The other lazy lads are still laying their asses on their beds, taking their time sleeping for their so called ‘holiday’.

Soldiers have their morning routine everyday, which is kind of tedious for most. Soap has his newspaper in hand - who busied himself reading the important news headlines – while Ghost is drinking his hot, black and bitter coffee – one won’t be really delighted of the flavour.

Ghost is too _impossible_ sometimes. A superior who made himself an asshole in everyone he knew — pushing everyone out; isolating himself from others; being blunt and rude even to his superior and keeps himself always hidden. Not that he cares about someone. Or even fancied anyone.

For he cared _**nothing.**_

Not even his **_life._**

Since his childhood, he was tortured by his heartless father in every ways - his father brought back dangerous animals and even forced him to kiss a snake; he was also threaten to kill him by his father; and made him laugh at the death of a prostitute and many others.

His mother didn’t care about it neither his younger brother. He knew nothing about family, because his family made his life hell from the very start. Despite of all the traumatic and terrible events in early years of his life, those made him stronger and braver—

—yet _**broken.**_

His traumatic childhood was only the beginning of his suffering. When he grew up, his first job is an apprentice butcher at a grocery. After the September 11 attacks occurred, he joined the military. Simon have his natural skills owned, making him an expert soldier and the reason why he was got into S.A.S. He lives happily being a soldier regardless of the life taking missions. His career made him feel free from all the pain he went through when he’s just a boy.

But, his family will be his family. Yes, he hates them. But they are his family. Nothing will change the reality. A thought occurred to him that he will go back to his home for one last time.  
However it’s a bad idea.

His family became complex puzzle pieces – _scattered_ and _dispersed_. His mother was constantly getting cheated on and his younger brother – Tommy – was addicted to drugs. His father is nowhere to be seen. Simon decided not to go back to his home and family. He went back to the military and chose to be happy—

 

_—but happiness is just something that won’t last long. Happiness is just something you cannot hold on._

_His happiness is just something that made everything wrong._

 

**_For happiness is in the heart of someone who is contented within self._ **

_But that someone will never walk in his life, just as he expected._

 

There was a terrible mission when his commanding officer betrayed his team on the Day of the Dead. The three of them were captured, tortured and brought them into a brainwashing facility. There, everything went downhill. He went berserk and mad about everything. Tortured until he was already between life and death. Pushed into his limits and even pushed further on. He didn’t know what to do and he can’t even think properly. All he wanted was to go back home.

But then he realized there was no home.

Simon was in his _great pain_ which made him this way. He was absolutely _broken._

After days of torment, he was buried alive and left by his captors. He used this opportunity to escape this nightmare he’s getting into and got back home. And it’s not even home.

He spent months trying to recover from all the terrifying incidents and those carved nightmares inside his head. He was critical at that point. Because of his temper-management issues, he wasn’t accepted back in military. That made him disappointed. The military is his life. In military, he was taught how to help brothers-in-arms and how to survive to the fullest. There in the military, he learned how to fight not for himself, but for others. He learned how to be _unselfish_.  
So now, he was taught to be _heartless_ but at the same time, _selfless_.

 

 _Selfless_ for others,

From his monsters,

Lurking inside him,

Getting away from the rim,

Controlling it,

Hiding it,

Getting away from it,

But it’s just useless like shit.

 

His nightmares were made even worse, when Kevin Sparks – his former colleague – and Marcus Washington killed his entire family. With no hesitation, he killed both of the murderers. Once, his demons were caged just for a while, but now, they were set free.

Not by _him_ , but by his nightmares that were killing him everyday and every night. After that, he gets intelligence in hand and killed Roba in just instant. He was controlled by his devils all this time; his heart was in pieces of broken shards, his thoughts were cracked, his morals now lacked, but still maintained his life _intact_.

 

And until now, he thought about that,

How he survived life full of mishaps,

Well, that’s how he called torture.

Because he didn’t still find a _cure_.

 

**_A cure for a broken heart._ **

**_That made the life apart._ **

**_Only one person can restart_ **

**_One’s life and the broken heart._ **

 

_Happiness._

_Is something_

_and everything._

_But to him it’s nothing._

**_Because he chose to be alone, than to be happy– for nothing._ **

 

Simon was now changed his name to Ghost. No one ever knew his real name, where he came from and what his story behind his mask is. For no one dared to _care_ and _ask_. Except for his Captain, of course. All this time, he didn’t know what to do and what’s his point in living.

If there’ll be a reason to live, it will be living for others need and killing people. Ironic right? He lives for his country and his men, and he live to kill men he didn’t knew. Because of this, he is being in control of his hidden demons everytime.

He survives it by taking pills each day to stop his nightmares and calm his temper. And until now, he insists to his doctor to take pills from now on just to control his being. He never cares that taking pills too much is really dangerous for a human’s health.

Not that he’s a human. He didn’t have a heart for others after all. And neither no one cares about him. Why should anyone care about him?

He murdered thousands of innocent and dirty people who mess him up.

_Stop thinking about the past now Simon! Bloody stop…_

He didn’t even protect his own family–the family which made the present him.

_Stop!_

He always went blacked out in anger towards others–causing harm.

_Just stop…_

And his every loved one was always killed.

_Please._

Either by someone or… him.

_Fucking stop it!_

“Ghost? Everything alright?” his Captain snapped him back in reality. John Mactavish has been the one who’s being his mentor all the time–guiding him to the correct path, being there when everything’s messed up and teaching him how to control his demons, somehow.

He glanced at his Captain’s worried look, for he didn’t notice that he’s breathing heavy and gripping hard on his cup of coffee. “Y-yes. I’m just thinking something.” he stuttered in words to escape his fleeting insanity.

His Captain grunted and simply smiled, “I hope that something won’t cause you any trouble.” he stated for he knew Ghost all too well.

“Trouble?” that word made Ghost’s blood boil a bit. Yes, trouble is a word that really defines him, but sometimes it makes him feel a hitch and a problem in his world. “Am I the only one who caused trouble?” he asked Soap one more time, looking at him straight into the latter’s eye.

His Captain plainly glanced at him and back on his newspaper. “No one knows.” he uttered.

Ghost snorted in reply.

 

_A thousand of troubles I caused_

_Now everything was very lost._

_I’m the one who deserves the blame._

_For I’m the one who’s forlornly insane_.

 

“I hope you’ll treat the recruit nicely.” his Captain smirked, in a mocked way which made his lieutenant irritate. _Dumbass._

“Oh, I’ll be nice of course.” Ghost retorted.

No one knew that today is also a recruitment day, except the two superiors. They were notified the day before that there’ll be a new recruit to be dropped in their regiment. The Task Force 141 only entertains skilled and talented soldiers who were picked by high ranking officers in their bases. The new recruits need to first pass different hardships in their training and be qualified in the eyes of his/her superiors.

 

“So, what’s his name?” Ghost asked him as he sips his hot coffee.

“Gary Sanderson, he’ll be here soon.”

“A Veteran?”

“Recruit. He’s a newly graduate from the boot camp training and he was the only one picked by one of the Majors to be signed up here.”

“A recruit, eh? So you’re saying he’s younger than all of the men?”

“Think so.”

“What’s his nickname then?” Of course. Hell everybody here have stupid nicknames in different reasons.

“Don’t know.” his Captain just shrugged.

“What? He doesn’t have a nickname yet? That’s unfair for us, Soap.”

“Let’s just observe him and judge by his actions. By that, we can make a nickname for him.”

“Fine.”

Their small conversation was cut off when some few guys are entering the mess hall to eat their own breakfasts. They were still sleepy, haggard with their messy bed hairs standing up on their heads. Some of them didn’t even wipe a drool that is dripping on his mouth.

Ghost looks at them, observing one by one. He knew everyone of course; their stories, weakness, strength and their goals in life. At least they have goals in life to complete, while he’s just waiting for his death.

Not long after, the mess hall was full of chattering, noises and there were some deep and sleepy yawns; it wasn’t quite rare in the mess hall. Ghost hates it. He never liked a place full of noise and nonsense chats because it always makes him irritate.

He wants a place that’s serene and quiet, where he can relax and calm everything down. All of the boys are nattering except Ghost and Soap; well they are superiors after all. And superiors need to hold their guards up.

But Soap wasn’t the type of superior who always hold their guards up, not letting down. He can turn his Captain mode-ON if he needed to, but he can turn into his friendly and talkative side. Soap is a person, a brother to trust and most likely a father towards the other soldiers.

He’s there to solve problems, give some brotherly advices, but sometimes he’ll just respond with a cocky reply. Even Ghost was under his wings, there to hear out from his lieutenant.  
On the other hand, Ghost never talks to anyone if it’s not all about job. Rarely does he give cocky remarks only in missions. Only in missions. He wears his mask like 24/7 and doesn’t take it off.

Others rumoured that the man never even take a bath in his life.

He always shoos everyone away by being blunt and really callous in any ways. Sometimes he gave difficult punishments to someone until he’s satisfied in the task and when he’s not, he will even double the difficulty and time. He will be that person who never cares, they say.

But actually, he **_cares_**.

 

_He cares for their safety_

_By shooing everyone away_

_Which made him hurt greatly_

_For no one even cared to stay._

 

Ghost trained himself not to fall for someone if he wants that person to live long. Why?

 

_Everyone he loved._

_Everyone he cared._

_Will depart and go._

_Because of his ego._

_Violent and depraved._

_He was not saved._

 

_He was trapped for a long time_

_Yearning to be free from cage_

_But there are no little signs_

_Flipping for another page…_

_Finding out that’s still another blank._

_Empty_

_Unfilled_

_Pointless_

_Useless_

_Just like **him**._

 

He didn’t notice his Captain looking at him. Ghost again grips his empty cup and stares at the blank white table. Blank. Still another blank page of the story of his life. For once, he was back again inside his empty and dark world.

A world that doesn’t exist even a tiny spark of light. A world where raging waves fiercely crash on each other tides, loud thunderstorms and violent rainfall flooded in his mind, and a world that’s gloomy and dark with no sunshine. Though no one sees it, they can feel it though they resist it.

After some time observing the other man’s acts, Soap rolled his newspaper in his hand and walks away without any word he left. The latter knows Ghost and his being, so better give him space than fussing around.

For Ghost, he followed his gaze to his Captain as he disappears and stares back on his empty cup. He only knew Soap have responsibilities to be finished and thick paper works to be done too, or he can be outside waiting for the recruit to come.

 

The reason he didn’t knew that Soap knows what he needs for now

But the reason that Soap didn’t knew what the true need of Ghost—

 _A need of someone who can make him happy_.

 

As always, Ghost is left there alone without someone to talk to. There’s nothing left much to do, so there are questions were popped inside his head; and it’s about the FNG. He’s thinking about the new guy and what’s his nationality is? Will he be British like him or Scottish like his Captain? He can be American like the others here that’s quite cheeky but at the same time, friendly.

There’s a possibility that the FNG can be in the other nationality that wasn’t even existed here yet. For the TF141 is an international squad with best soldiers signed up here worldwide.

Well, it can be. But does the FNG play nice or rude towards others like him? What if he will not respect the superiors? Cause troubles and mess things up? Will he be some spy from Russia or just a typical kind of guy? What does the new guy looks like and his attitudes?

Wait. Why is he this worried? He is just a new guy signing up here and that’s not a big deal. Why does he care? Why should he care? He is just the Fucking New Guy. Nothing else. Besides, he is a superior – lieutenant–and he can and will be the boss of him if that guy is still breathing and warm. This is just the first time that Ghost felt a little bit anxious about a new guy coming to their base, better he should shrug it off.

The noise inside the mess hall got louder which made Ghost got more annoyed. So he got the empty cup and crushed it in his hands and heads to the nearest trash can.

 

_Empty years_

_Countless fears_

_Unsaid tears_

_His life’s unclear_

 

And he left their main base for his early training; doing again his same morning routine.

 

* * * * *

  
A cool gentle breeze of wind sweeps the meadows; the weather’s perfect for the most—blue clear sky and puffy clouds like pillows he sees and sun rays that were partially covered by the canopy of trees – illuminating the tender face of a young man who’s smiling in nothingness; just smiling on the blankness of life.

A smile that beams to nobody, but it gives someone some warm little feeling like happy. A young man around the age of early 20s is simply happy on the blankness of his life. Despite its blank, it is still a beautiful empty for him–an empty space that he can fill with happiness.

Gary Sanderson is his name – a tall young man with curly blonde hair and white fair skin but his body structure wasn’t that big (he’s still a lil’ buff of course) stands there outside the base. Glancing around, he figured out that he’s there alone with no one waiting for him.

Why will he expect such a thing like that? Maybe he’s just expecting too much. He is not a VIP person going to sign up in a regiment so why expect? So he entered the gate casually because there are no any guards in sight. That’s… odd.

Bases have on-duty guard everytime to protect their base from any foreign matter. And why did this base doesn’t seem to care if there’ll be anyone entering here just like him? They have CCTV camera feeds of course, but it is just odd that the TF141 base don’t have guards. Maybe they trusted their security enough that they don’t need any of those, right? ‘Coz this is the Task Force 141—they are the most advanced regiment worldwide.

_And that’s why he’s smiling._

He smiles with that thought and the fact that everything isn’t a dream. It’s reality.

Now, Gary is roaming and looking around, clueless where he’ll go for he is searching for any superior to apply him here or anybody. But of course, the base is deserted. He is just too early and excited to be here for the first time in his life.

For all his life, he never travelled anywhere. So, he’s really eager and thrilled to be here in United Kingdom and going to live here if he’s not going to die. Life as a soldier is like a crazy ride – holding between death and life.

He is still smiling and daydreaming about how his life will be free.

 

_Free from cage_

_Enclosed away_

_Now a new page_

_To start he says_

 

Still smiling and looking around, a shot rang in his ears and that caused him to jump. He is still rookie here even though he’s a soldier and he is really naïve and others may say – he’s innocent. In short, he’s such an innocent (cutie) soldier.

With his curiosity, Gary tracks those shots echoing around the base. He’s a little nervous about that, but, why would he? _Gary, calm yourself down! O-or else, others might bully you or something like that._

After a while searching around the wide base, he found a tall guy with his larger body structure that him (but hot) who was covered up with a grey jacket and a black mask, or something? He doesn’t know. But he saw that’s only a guy who’s outside and practicing.

Gary bits his lip because he is not really good in making friends and he’s an awkward person. Will he say something like ‘hi’? ‘What’s up’? But the guy is kind of intimidating, better he’ll wait after the other man finish his practice.

The young man just sat at the wooden low bench nearby and observed the larger frame shooting the targets expertly without wasting his bullets. The masked guy is pretty good though–he shoots fast but never wastes any bullets at all.

Maybe he’s a veteran or one of the superiors after all. Because superiors for him –they are the improved soldiers by their long experiences in their lives. The real question is, why is that guy wearing a black mask?

As he shifts a little to his right, he discovered that it’s not any ordinary mask at all. For it is a skull printed balaclava mask with crimson shades reflecting the rays of the sun – which covers everything of his face. Why would he wear those?

_H-hey! You don’t have any business with that Gary!_

He slapped himself mentally and went back in watching the other man. But why would the latter wear that mask? Do the TF141 members have their own cool styles to identify each one of them? Maybe he will have too. Like, he will have a cape like a superhero or he can have cooler mask than that guy.

Funny as it seems, Gary just let the stranger finish firing.

_A cool gentle breeze swept again, making him a little bit cold and stiff. He needs something that can make him warm to thaw his iced heart, yes, he’s searching it. He’s searching and finding his happiness that he longed for, from his little up to this old. But what he didn’t know what destiny thinks, for they are fatefully links. A person, named Ghost, who’s searching for happiness too. They are both wished for contentment but they never knew. That happiness sometimes is blind, like love sometimes won’t find. But now dark and light meets–and collides._

He was amazed and in awe as he watches how the masked stranger skilfully shoots the targets, knocking it down one by one.

He was amazed and astonished about how the skull guy skilfully shot the targets and knocking it down one by one. He shoots fast with every bull’s eye aim on the targets. What if he’ll ask the skulled guy to teach him how to do it in an expert way? That skulled guy is creepy though, but, it’s not that hard to try to ask? Right?

Some few shots that were released and then he was done in one round. The skulled guy got another magazine and reloads the M-9 and that’s the time Gary stood up and walked towards Ghost who was going to aim the gun towards the targets. Gary was about to say ‘hi’ when Ghost aimed the gun towards Gary instead quickly.

“Who the fuck are you?!” Ghost furiously asked him, gripping his M-9 towards Gary–who was shocked and dazed for the gun is aiming at him.

The younger man held his arms up tremblingly and stuttered “H-hey, Wait...” he didn’t finish his sentence when– in the blink of an eye– he was forcefully kicked down and pinned to the ground. His face was slammed on the dirt, causing him to wince in pain.

“Who are you!!!? And what are you bloody doing here?!” Ghost once again shouted at him.

In his situation, he can’t talk because the dirt blocked his mouth to speak, with a pain on his chest and on his face; it just makes it worse to say a word. Well, the boots of Ghost squishing him makes him more like a bug squishing to his death.

“Grrrrr....Nnnddrrsnnnn.....” he literally can’t breathe.

“What?!!”

“Grrrrryyyyy.... Nnnnnndddrrrsnnnnn!!!!”

This time he turned his head forcefully to catch air and coughed when the dust came into his lungs.

“Bloody who are you?!”

“Gary Sanderson! Would you mind to let me go?”

Ghost took time at thinking. Oh... It is the F.N.G.

As what Gary demanded, Ghost let go in pinning him on the ground. The younger stood up and saw him in full of dirt and dust. He was wearing a white v-necked t-shirt so that he will have a good impression among others, but now, it was covered with brown stain and dirt. He was so disappointed and upset but he’s still keeping his calm.

“Shit. Look what you’ve done...” he mumbled and slightly glared at the man who kicked him for no reason.

“Well, I thought you’re an enemy that walked inside the base.” Ghost replied and settled the M-9 back to its place.

“You thought that I’m one of the Russians who are lurking here. That’s just stupid.” Gary answered back sharply as he brushes off some dirt and dust on his t-shirt, hoping it will be erased.

That’s true though. Ghost gave some few glances to the other man’s appearance and his exterior form. He saw Gary’s full azure-sapphire eyes like jewelleries which are glowing and flattering to stare at, shiny golden blonde hair that’s quite curly on the edges, refined and prominent nose, fair white and smooth skin with some brown freckles in his rosy cheeks and other areas on his body.

Gary’s looks aren’t one of the Russians surely. And he can say he’s really cute too. Ghost is really guilty by now, but it doesn’t even show. He’s superior by the way, so, no worries.

“You can change your clothes if you want. Captain is waiting for you in the office.” Ghost told him and walked away, not too long, he disappeared.

“Hey, wait!” but it’s too late. Ghost is far away from him by now. He’s really fast in walking though.

But, he didn’t even apologize from he did to Gary. The latter was left there alone, clueless where the office could be in one of these big buildings. Gary sighed and changed his dirty clothes and got a

new one from his backpack. Now, his t-shirt’s colour is black, so that if anyone will kick him again, the dirt won’t be really notice.

Anyways, he counts all of the buildings and the total is 10. Not adding the other small buildings and wide garages with humvees inside it. He picks the building in front of him and heads to that one. He hopes for some guys that will give correct directions. While he’s walking, he thinks what could be that skulled guy name could be. As he went inside the building, gladly, Gary wasn’t treated as an enemy.

Some of them were surprised to see a new guy here, and most of the others, greeted and welcomed him there warmly. Everyone seems happy and glad to see him here, but, not everyone. Who could that skulled guy be? And what are his issues? As he walks through one of the large main hallways inside the building, he saw a tall guy who’s reading a newspaper.

“Uhmm... Excuse me, sir. Where… is the captain’s office?” Gary asked the tall with a strong built structure and mohawked stranger. He’s taller than him.

“Eh? Why?” and again, with those stupid answers, questions I mean.

“W-well…”

“Hey kid, you’re searching for the Captain? He’s standing right in front of you.”

Surprised, the stranger turns out to be the Captain in the regiment, and that left Gary nervous of a sudden. Well, the skulled guy said that the Captain’s waiting for him. Will he introduce himself first, or, is the Captain will tour him around the base or sign him up here.

“Are you Gary Sanderson?” Soap asked him with his arched brow.

“Uhh… Y-yes… Sir…” Gary replied with a stuttered voice.

“Since you’re here, let’s go to my office and fill up your registration form.” Soap answered and walks away, leaving Gary to follow his Captain.

He was grateful that he saw his Captain along the hallway without any harm he received; not like the way he was treated here for the first time. While they’re walking, Gary quietly studies his Captain–he is taller than him and his structure is really buff with his blue eyes. It seems that he’s a badass alright, he thought.

They arrived outside the office after a while because the base was so huge and wide. He peeped in front to see what his Captain doing. The door had a metal sign above, saying ‘Captain’s Office’. Cool, he said to himself. Gary observed that the office was fully locked and secured from electronic eavesdropping–there are CCTVs positioned around, an alarm above the door and a caution to warn anyone who tries to come inside to _fuck off_.

“Fancy, right?” his Captain asked with a proud tone.

“Yeah.”

“Here’s even fancier.”

His Captain point out his index finger and placed on finger print scanner–which can only identify big-time superiors–and got his I.D. and slid it in beside the scanner. The door beeped in a notification and it was unlocked to welcome his Captain again.

Gary stepped inside with a curiosity, looking around like an inquisitive cat in a foreign place. He was welcomed by a cool temperature and a sweet air freshener hovering around. The office of his Captain is more like an urban style.

Gazing around he saw a black desk with piles of paper that were neatly stacked above. There’s a digital clock beside, a calendar on the wall and some figurines that gives some titivate on the table. He looked on his left side and saw displayed handguns; one of them is m1911 pistol. The pistol is shinier than the others guns. He guessed that his Captain cleaned it all the time in his life.

Gary stood in the middle of the room, looking around and familiarizing every detail. The wall and ceiling was painted in white, the floorings are made of wooden mahogany and raven colours for the table and some cabinets.

His Captain gestured him to sit down on the comfortable leather black chair, gosh it’s really comfortable and soft. Looking at the figurines, he sees there are wood-carved pistols, some bullets standing and wait…. is that a cat? He smiles and shook his head. There are picture frames too and a little brown notebook settled on the right side of the table.

He looks carefully at the pictures in the picture frame, but only recognized the face of his Captain and his buddies with their smiling faces. And its side, he saw his Captain and a man, both of them are smiling like there’s no war after all.

“So, where are you from lad?” his Captain asked as he handed five papers that needs to be filled up.

“America.”

“Well, I suppose you’re a kid. Younger than most of us, eh?”

“Um, I think so.”

“Let me see your requirements and other papers of yours.”

“What do you mean, sir?”

“Your birth certificates, medical clearances, and many more. I need to examine those before signing you up here.”

“Oh, yes sir.” then he handed his files to his Captain.

Few minutes passed and he’s done filling up. He thanked his new Captain and heads to the exit door. He’s going to twist the knob when his Captain stopped him.

“Hey, not so fast kid.”

Did he do something wrong, doesn’t he? He turns around as he nervously looks on his Captain who seriously reads his military files and records.

“W-what is it s-sir?” he asked nervously, afraid that he might not be qualified after assessing his files.

“I didn’t give you directions yet. I don’t want to end you searching your arse out.” Soap snickered and gave him directions.

“Thank… you sir.”

“Yeah ,yeah. Don’t cause some trouble around these bloody yanks.” Soap added and turned to get another group of paperwork to be stacked.

“Sure thing… sir” he answered shyly and left the office.

As he’s walking, he looks around and smiles that the base is pretty clean and tidy. There were some labels and directions that were posted on walls. As he turns right going to his room, the hallway got smaller than before. After a while of walking, he arrived on his room which was opened with a labelled paper that was posted on the front of the door. The paper was written “Gary”.

Gary peeked inside to see if there’s someone inside there but, there’s no one yet. He went inside and examines the entire room. There’s his bed on the right side from where he’s standing. The room was painted in light beige; the ceiling and walls.

The tiles were big squares and white. The big window is a sliding glass pane with black curtains that were tied up. His bed is small that fits for one person only and at least, the mattress isn’t thin and the pillow is big and fluffy.

He saw the other bed that was obviously taken by someone who he didn’t know. He asked himself that who could his roommate will be? Everybody here have roommates like dorms in collages right? Anyways, he needs to dump his heavy bag and take a rest. Or maybe get some breakfast? It’s 7:48 am in the morning or he can say, 0748.

So, he stood up after he settled his bag on his bed and heads to the mess hall. When he opened the two glass doors, he saw that there were some few noisy guys and, wait; is that the guy who kicked his ass? His balaclava was tucked up and revealed his lips and nose. Probably he’s eating something. Something like shit.

Gary got some coffee with lots of sugar and cream in it, accompanied by one loaf of bread. He sat at the empty corner of the table. He doesn’t even know all the guys here. Well, hell he doesn’t care about it anyways. Despite of that, he feels the same way when you are just new to school back then.

While he is drinking his sweet and creamy coffee, some men he doesn’t know sat with him on his table which made him a little bit queasy.

“Hey, so what’s your name blonde?” one of the guys asked him.

“Gary Sanderson.” he replied fast.

“Nickname’s Meat, this is Royce, and the other one, is Ozone” the stranger ̶̶ who calls himself Meat ̶ introduced the others by pointing the lads one by one by his own nickname.

At first, Gary was surprised in hearing those nicknames but later, he snickers. With their stupid nicknames, it is hard not to laugh in front of them. He asked himself that why is it they have this stupid nicknames? Meat? Ozone? You mean the ozone layer? And Meat like steak or what? He just placed a palm in his face so that it won’t be obvious.

But it is clearly obvious that he is snickering.

“Why are you laughing? About our nicknames, eh?” Ozone asked Gary who’s laughing his ass out.

“Hahah… Uhh… N-no… It’s just… N-nothing… Nothing at all.” he lied of course but still he continues to giggle quietly.

“Whatever Gary… F.N.G. You’ll have a stupid nickname, soon.” Meat replied.

“Yeah, yeah… Like what? Steak? Fish? Or what about grilled meat? I think this is the most stupidest nickname I ever heard in my life. ” and after that, he continues chuckling.  
“Yes you will have those nicknames you mentioned. And would you stop laughing?”

“Okay… Okay…” After a while of being an idiot, he calmed down.

“Hey, where do you get your nicknames? I’m just curious.” he asked.

“Different reasons.”

“Ok… Anyways, I’m just curious. Who’s that guy over there?” Gary pointed out to Ghost who’s drinking his coffee.

“Oh that? He’s our lieutenant” Ozone hinted.

“Well, he’s our superior. Strict superior. He’ll punish you if he wants to and will give you dozens of orders without any mercy showed in him.” Royce added.

“Yeah. And whenever he’ll start commanding to you, you won’t end in doing those orders if he’s satisfied. He’s really heartless, so I advice you not to get near him.” Meat paused. “And you know what? He’s really different from all of the soldiers here in base because he’s really mysterious, quiet, unsociable and a bad-ass like our Captain. And Ghost is the only one who wears that mask like 24/7 and it is just a miracle if he’s taking a bath regularly. You know rumours here say that when he--“

“What is it Meat?” it was Ghost. He’s behind Meat all the time he’s talking and they didn’t see him coming there.

“Uhh… nothing, gonna go…B-bye… See ya Gary!” after that, they bolted away, leaving Roach with Ghost staring at him.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it! That's the edited chapter one. I'm going to edit the old chapters before posting new chapters. It'll take some time but I think it's worth it.  
> Leave kudos/reviews if you enjoyed those cliches! Thanks!


	2. Dreams and Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I hope you'll like this edited chapter! And as always, happy reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random fact: Those are Gary’s first reality-like dreams. I hope you liked it and don’t forget to leave kudos/reviews!

Gary was looking at the other man shyly and greeted “Uhh… Hi?”  in a stuttered and awkward manner.

He gave a weak smile and attempts to wave as a greeting, but Ghost didn’t even give him any warm reaction or a remark and just sat on the table across him. Because of that he just put his hand back to its place so it’ll not be awkward.

Ghost was quiet and didn’t even reply a ‘hello’. That made Gary uncomfortable, and especially what happened the first time they met and what Meat said about his background.

“Uhm… What’s your name?... Sir?”  and again, he lied about asking. He knew his nickname already, but, he just asked about it so that he can have a conversation with the other man.

“Really? You knew it already and asked once again.” he was  really blunt.

“Uhh….” he needs to get out of this. “I meant to say… What’s you real name?”

“Curious, eh?”

“I’m just asking…”

“Well, what’s your nationality FNG?” change topic.

“I’m American. Uhhh… What about you… Sir?” he called him his nickname for the first time.

“British.”

“Oh… okay.”

There was  a moment of silence between the two. It was really awkward to be around with Ghost for a while and he does not sure if the two of them will get along. He quivered on his seat about that thought and looked at his food.

 But he wants to befriend with everyone whether he’s stupid or not. Gary bits his lips and glanced at his superior, who was  busy eating his food.

Still biting his lips, he was saving courage to bring up any topic to converse. Yes it was really awkward to be with the other man, but if he will know more about him,

**_Maybe he might be comfortable with Ghost at the right time._ **

“Uhh… Sir? May I ask you something?” he wanted to ask about the balaclava he was  wearing.

“What?” the man replied with a somewhat irritated tone which made the younger man flinch.

“Uhm… Er.”  Gary changed his mind asking about that.

“Something’s wrong?”

“Ah…”, the young man was panicking inside whether he’ll ask about it or not.

“Gary, you okay?”

“Where’s your room?” he blurted suddenly without even thinking.

“What? Why?”

“Nothing. Gonna go. Bye.”  Gary jolted out of the mess hall same what Meat and his mates did.

The young man rushed away from the mess hall, leaving his superior confused by his sudden action. Looking away from the other soldiers, he slapped himself mentally because of his stupidness.

_G-gary! You’re so… odd! W-why the h-heck!?_

That question was still lingering inside his head, torturing him in embarrassment. He arrived in his room just seconds passed and entered it with a relief. Gary rested on his comfortable bed with his pillow in his arms, hugging it tightly.

Not too soon, he fell fast asleep.

...

In the middle of his peaceful sleep, he heard someone walked inside the room. Too tired from hours of flight from America, he didn’t bother to open his eyes to see who it is.  His eyelids weight a ton and his body was paralyzed in exhaustion.

Gary heard faint footsteps that slowly padded towards his bed, the footsteps was so _near, so very near to hear_

_–yet the person was so far, so very distant for his **reach.**_

The young man was still paralyzed in his dreamless sleep; however he hears what was  happening in his surroundings. _And felt the warm embrace enclosing him._

...

After one hour of his sleep, he was awake. Gary sat down on his bed, regaining his consciousness for a few seconds then wiped the drool on his right cheek and stretched his joints. Looking around the room, he realized it has been empty.

 _What were those footsteps? And… Who was  that person?_ he asked himself. _Oh, that’s  just a dream Gary._

He smiled at his foolish illusion and shook his head. _First things first, you should arrange your things Gary._

The young man stood up and got his things away from his bag. He took his clothes and arranged those in the empty cabinet. The other one was locked. He was  been having a thrill about his roommate, thinking if ever he and his roommate will be hanging out like crazy and/or do things that will be fun.

After arranging his clothes, he got his boots and other shoes beside his bed and few other petty things to place.

Smiling about his work, he folded his blanket and straightened up his bed sheets to look everything clean and neat, just like his Captain. While he was in the middle of arranging, piling, folding, and organizing everything, the door suddenly creaked open.

Gary turned his head to see and walked towards the door, realizing there was no one outside his room. He looked around the hallway and it’s empty.

_Maybe y-you’re just hallucinating Gary._

The young man shrugged about it, glancing at the paper still posted on the door and took it. The inscription of his name was written in a beautiful and unique cursive font. The calligraphy was so lovely that it’s not even worthy throwing it. Instead he folded the paper and put it inside his cabinet.

When he was done arranging, he went outside to keep himself entertained in small ways. He walked through the hallway and heads to the shooting range. He reached the main exit door after a while, when he was about to open it, someone called him.

“Hey Gary!” Meat greeted in his playful grin.

“Y-yeah? What is it?”

“Oh nothing. We just passed by and saw you. Anyways, are you comfortable here?”

Gary nodded his head and smiled, “Yes of course. I am.”

“That’s good. What about your room?”

“What about my room?” he echoed in confusion.

Meat arched a brow and smirked, “Are you comfortable with it?”

“My room’s okay. Why?”

Meat grinned, “Is that so? I expected that you won’t because of your roommate who--“

“M-my roommate? Who’s my roommate?” he interrupted him with such curiosity and somewhat thrill.

“You don’t know?” Ozone asked in surprise.

The youngest member looked down, “Um, no. I didn’t still figure that out.” and rubbed his nape timidly.

 Meat and the others raised their brows in surprise while Gary bits his lips while glancing at them.

“Well, that’s… Bad. I, think?” Toad commented and shrugged.

Meat playfully grinned, “Here’s a clue. Your roommate was the one you knew and the one who you want to know.”

“What?” he asked with his quizzical look. Okay, that’s just impossible to understand for his brain. Maybe others can understand, but his IQ’s now getting rusty.

Toad glowered at Meat, “Quit kidding around with the kid. He’s just a kid Meat.” and looked at Gary with a smile. “I’m Toad. Just forget what said. We’re going to the common room. Wanna join?”

 _Toad!? What a nickname!_ “Toad? O-okay. But w-what’s common room?” Gary asked innocently.

Toad chuckled, “The place where you’ll have fun. Such a naïve kid.”

 _I-I’m not kid!_ “N-no thanks. I’m going to practice.”

The guys was surprised what Gary said then glanced at each other, and smirked mischievously while the young man looked at them in a confused manner.

“Then okay.” Toad replied and chuckled.

 “Aaaaaaand, Good luck!” Meat added and they bolted right away from his sight.

_Good luck? For w-what?_

 Scratching his head, he turned around to open the door to exit the base. He heads to the shooting range while thinking what Meat said: ‘ _The one you knew and the one who you want to know.’_ He repeated that sentence inside his head.

The _one I knew… So many person here that I know!_ he battled that thought inside his head.

Gary arrived at the shooting range after a while and founds out that no one’s there yet. It’s empty. Thanking God about that, he got his usual handgun, M-9. _Like what Ghost picks too._

He got his shades and muffler to protect both of his eyes and ears. He reloaded the gun confidently and aimed it towards the targets. He pulled the trigger then loud bangs were heard. And he just only shot 4 out of 10 targets.

_Okay. T-that’s bad._

Reloading again, he hopes that this time he will shoot 6 targets. Just 6 targets and he will be contented. While shooting the targets, the crimson shades of Ghost came into his mind. And the creepy balaclava made him realize that it was a badass move. Okay, mask.

He drew the gun down and saw that he merely shot 3 targets. Gary sighed in frustration and shook his head to erase the thought about Ghost. He reloaded again and pulled the trigger. When the magazine’s empty, he got the same amount of targets that were shot down.

Then again he reloaded and aimed and fired, and again he got the same number of the targets that were down. And then again he’s sighing in frustration and a bit of disappointment.

 _Practice Gary. Just practice._ he repeated that thought inside his head.

While the young man was busy practicing, Ghost passed by and saw the latter. The other man quietly walks towards Gary to observe his shooting skills. But then the young man sucks at shooting. Gary sighed again in frustration and aimed the gun down, getting again the same number of the shot targets.

While the young man was reloading the gun, Ghost suddenly commented coldly “With that bad shooting skill, you could be killed on the battlefield.”

Gary jerked away in surprise and turned to his superior, who’s watching at him with his intimidating stance.

The young man blinked “Oh, um. Y-yeah…” he turned away and looked at the gun in hand. “W-what are you doing h-here… sir?”

“Watching you.”

Gary glanced at him anxiously and back to his reloaded gun, “U-um… I-It’s just I’m h-having diffic–“

“Start practicing.” his superior commanded sternly.

The young man quickly obeyed the other man’s order. He aimed the gun towards the targets and encouraged himself that this was only a practice.

_This is just practice G-gary… Don’t let him distract you._

But self-assurance wasn’t enough for the young man who was bothered by the stares of his superior. This time, ht only shot one target. He reloaded again his gun with his hands partially shaking. Still he shot one target. He tried again, but now he didn’t shoot any of the targets.

Sighing in frustration and embarrassment, the young man hesitated to reload his gun for so many bullets he wasted. That’s the time Ghost walks towards the table and picked the other M-9 which made Gary a little bit nervous about that.

 “This is how to shoot. Just aim and handle your gun properly, start by opening in one eye, take a look between your target and aiming, estimate the wind speed and other natural conditions that can distract your bullet’s track, and lastly, pull the trigger.” Ghost taught the young man with his plain tone.

“O-okay.”

Gary tried to do the procedures what his superior said but, still no. No he can’t shoot like Ghost. Ghost was really badass in everything. He tried the last time with his superior accompanying him in shooting. The other man shot every target, while Gary failed.

The young man sighed and softly whined about his failure. “I hate this.”

Ghost looked at him and said, “Try one last time. Open both of your eyes. Do the same procedures and then fire.”

And again, fiasco.

“I can’t do it.” Gary complained adorably.

The other man shook his head and looked at the young man “Let me teach you.”

Disappointment, that’s what he feels right now. While biting his lips in his distress, he heard Ghost went behind him and felt his hands placing on his arms, lifting them slowly. The young man froze immediately when he felt foreign hands guiding him.

“This is how to shoot.” Ghost whispered in a low tone behind him.

Gary pulled the trigger and victory. He shot the targets down one by one with the help of his superior’s guidance in aiming. Gary smiles in success he’s getting, but didn’t know that Ghost’s arms were still intact on his.

Still smiling, he turns to his right and saw the other man watching him in his every move. The mask maybe creepy for most, but when Gary looked through the shades, there he saw–

**_A mask that’s dangerous yet safe to be with…_ **

**_A mask that buries piles of secrets underneath…_ **

**_A mask that hides a man who he needs…_ **

After moments of daydreaming, Gary snapped back into reality. He didn’t know what an awkward moment he’s getting into with his superior looking at him with such a quizzical face. He flushed in embarrassment and heard his heart thump loudly in his chest.

Oh what an idiot, he said to himself.

“T-thanks, sir.” he stuttered low while squirming away from the hold of his superior.

Right then, Ghost lets go of the younger man–who’s dying in embarrassment. Gary felt the heat forming on his face, and the redness was creeping from his ears towards his nose quickly. And he knew he was blushing.

 _B-blushing for what? T-that’s your superior G-Gary! Don’t do anything s-stupid!_ he scolded himself mentally.

He was sure that his face was turning into a big tomato. Gary looked down on his shoes shyly, trying to hide the embarrassment that was implanted on his face. While Ghost was simply trying to tease this younger man as he looks on the coral red face. The kid was new here anyways.

“You okay?”  Ghost asked him with a taunting tone.

“U-um… Yeah.” he muttered quietly. “U-um I should go n-no–“

“Wait, do you have sunburn or something?” Gary’s sentence was cut off by the question of his superior and his intimate action.

Ghost hands went to his red face and examined it carefully, gently and softly he’s caressing the red face. And that time, the younger man neither flinch nor move any of his muscles. He was just looking on Ghost’s skull balaclava.

Looking at the features of it and observing the skull imprinted on. Gary’s eyes moved on the tinted sunglasses of his superior and tries to perceive what the colour of the latter’s eyes was. But the tint made him perplex, whether those eyes were brown or crimson.

What he didn’t realize that he’s gazing at the other man.

He feels every gentle caress from his superior’s gloves on his cheeks and leaned a bit forward like a cat that’s purring. His eyes were now nearly closing for what he feels. But after a while, he came back to Earth and saw Ghost, who’s looking at him with his baffled face. His blush didn’t go away and now, it was redder.

_What the heck, what the heck, what the heck are you doing Gary Sanderson!!!??_

“I r-really need t-to go….” when was about to run like hell away from his superior, Ghost stopped him immediately by grabbing Gary’s arms.

The younger man nearly tripped by the sudden halt and turned with a question “W-what?” He was a bit confused but in the same time nervous about what’s happening.

Ghost stood there with his superior stance while grabbing Gary’s arm, holding him tightly. “The M-9. Put it back.” he ordered sternly.

 A while ago, his superior was giving an intimate action that was so gentle and caring. But right now he’s been so strict and somewhat cold. The younger man looked at him blankly at the man who’s holding him who changed so quickly.

He looked on the gloved hand that caressed him seconds ago and back at his superior’s eyes.. “Oh, r-right. Yes sir.”

Right after then, Ghost lets go and the younger man complied what his superior ordered. He placed the gun back to its place then hurriedly walked away from the shooting range–away from Ghost. He entered the barracks with his pink face. At least it wasn’t beetroot red anymore.

He faced his head down, trying to hide his coral pink blush on his cheeks. He tries to ignore the men around him while walking to his room. What happened back in the shooting range was still instilled inside his head. And that shook him a little.

Not long, he arrived outside his room and entered in quickly, still looking down. He took off his shoes and sank on the bed, burying his face on the pillow.

“Oh my god…. I’m really stupid.” he muffled.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid_ he repeats it inside his head and squished the pillow harder.

And again, the door creaked open and he’s sure nobody’s there. He just buried his face with his pillow, ignoring who that could be while swimming in his ocean of thoughts; thoughts that were raging waves and seas inside his head, endless deep of his dark ocean. Today, it’s a storm. He was thinking about his actions and everything. Then thinks about the family he left

–The family which forced him to leave his homeland.

And at least now he’s free.

But still there were so many consequences to face with that freedom. And one of them was that stupid incident back in the shooting range. So many questions rose inside his head, so many answers he needed to know.

_Why am I feeling this way?_

_Why am I acting this way?_

_Why should I feel this way?_

_How will I stop my heart beating so fast?_

_Who’s he in my life anyways?_

Gary unburied the pillow on his face and hugged it tightly instead. At least there’s something to hug, he thought sadly. He closed his eyes and hopes that everything was just an illusion–a nightmare. That once he will wake up, everything was just a trance, a dream.

The room was cold and he was alone, so he snuggled closer to his fluffy pillow to get some warmth and fluffiness.

After minutes, Gary was fading away and falling into a deep sleep, when he felt warmth instead of his cold pillow–warmth that was so foreign yet loving to be with. He felt that he was held by an embracing fire that protected him from nightmares. He felt that he was held by someone who protects him, holding him not letting go.

_And so he just thought it was a beautiful dream._

...

Hours later, his consciousness came back from his sleep but his eyes were still close–too tired to open. Gradually his awareness was coming back from his dreamless sleep

–or so he thought.

_The bed is unusually cold._

Well, it was usually cold. He felt again the cold pillow beside him and the chilly room that made him feel so alone. The warmth before his consciousness fade was so comforting. That warmth was comforting. He fluttered his eyes open and his surroundings became clearer.

Gary found himself alone in the dimly lit room–he realized he’s alone on bed.

_What could that be?_

He sat on the bed and gazes around the room, thinking about that foreign warmth. _That warmth_. He looked on the bed if ever there’s _someone_ who’s been sneaking around. But the room was empty and dark. He shook his head and shrugged away those thoughts.

_Maybe I’m just hallucinating. Again._

Gary stretched his back and stood up, walking towards the only window in the room. He slides the window pane open and was welcomed by the night cool air that swished inside, making his sleepy face somewhat refreshed.

He closed his eyes to relax for a moment or two, clearing away any delusions and fantasies inside his head. Opening his blue eyes, he saw the beautiful view of the starry night sky with the night air. He’s sure days after this, there will be a mission.

_Peaceful days won’t last anyways._

The cool air rushed again inside, refreshing the younger man again with a smile. A shower might loosen me up, he thought. He turned around, got his towel and went outside. As he’s walking through the hallway, he forgot that he didn’t know the directions to the shower room.

 _How ridiculous._ Gary saw group of lads talking to each other loudly and walked towards them timidly.

“U-um, excuse me. Sorry to interrupt, um, where’s the Shower Room? I’m new here, s-so…” he asked them shyly for the fact they’re taller than him.

One of them, who’s younger than the men with a copper hair that shines in such way, smirked slyly, “New here? What’s your name kid?”

“It’s Gary.” _and I’m not a kid._

“Gary it is. Okay, you’ll walk straight ahead from where you’re standing or walking, whatever. And turn right when you saw labels on the wall in the far end. Well you can just look on the labels for places like the Shower Room you’re asking for. There you have it.”

He smiled warmly and replied, “Thank you.”

When he was about to turn around and walk away, he forget to ask something. “I, um, must be rude sir. What’s your name by the way?”

The lad looked at him with his playful smile, “Its Archer.” he answered and went back talking to his group.

 _Archer, what a weird name but rather cool than that nickname Meat or Toad, whatever._ He followed the directions that were given by a member and hopes that it won’t be a prank. Some (most) of the soldiers here aren’t so trustworthy and it was obvious to see even on their faces.

Thankfully, it wasn’t a trick. He arrived in the locker room where it surely leads to the shower. He looked around and saw that the room was pretty clean and spotless. This base was really clean, he thought. He peeks on the shower to see if there were others using it.

And thankfully it’s empty. He smiles because there’s no one to disturb his relaxation. Gary unclothes himself lazily and threw his clothes in an empty, clean locker. He took a quick shower, afraid that there’ll be someone who will walk in.

For men, it was natural to see other men naked. But for him, it makes him feel ‘odd’–really _odd._ He turned the shower on and enjoyed the cool water streaming down to his body.

...

Afterwards, Gary went back to his room with a towel that conceals the bottom part. He walked carefully and gripping his towel making sure nobody will make foolish of him. Thankfully he arrived outside his room safely.

He entered the room lazily and didn’t bother to switch the lights on– _he didn’t bother to care in his surroundings._ He unrestrained his towel and threw it with his dirty clothes in the basket–a basket purposely used for laundry–and got new ones from his cabinet.

Later on, he heard his stomach grumble in hunger so he went out inside his room to go to the mess hall. While walking to the mess hall, he was greeted by some guys passing by and asked for his name, and he gave it happily.

He entered the mess hall and saw some people hanging out there. He shrugged and walk towards the food display. Seeing that there weren’t any convincing food for his taste, he just took an apple and bagel and contented himself with those.

After eating, there’s nothing left to do much in the base so he went outside, finding out that no one’s there (especially everything’s dark, and he’s really afraid of the dark). Gary entered back inside the base and heads to his room. Better listen to his music in his phone.

And again, he walked through the usual halls and arrived outside his room. The walk took him for a minute or two; yeah the base was really big. He entered the room with no care in his surroundings (again), not even bothering to turn on the lights and took his shirt off.

He softly groaned while he stretched his back, pulling his arms upward and arched his back slightly. He got his phone from his bag and placed it on his bed. And after that, Gary took his night clothes–shorts and white shirt–and placed it beside his phone.

He unzipped his jeans and pulled it down slowly–as in slowly–and stopped just below his knees just to take his white shirt. He leaned towards where he placed his shirt and was surprised by a familiar voice behind.

 “Early for bed?” the stranger asked out of the blue.

Gary yelped in surprise and jumped a bit, almost making him stumble on his bed. He turned his head around and saw the person who he wasn’t expecting for–Ghost. He stayed still with that awkward position–arms grasped on the mattress with his butt facing on his superior– trying to register what’s happening.

Ghost cleared his throat and asked, “Are you going to stay like that?”

The younger man widens his eyes in shock and pulled up his pants quickly, “G-ghost! W-what are you doing here?” He took the blanket and wrapped his upper naked body, “W-what are you doing in m-my room?”

Ghost stared at him while sitting on his bed all this time, “You do know that this is our room.” He looked at the younger man from head to toe, and back again to his eyes. “Is this normal for you?”

“W-what’s normal for m-me?”

The other man pointed at his chest, “That.”

Gary looked below where his chest was wrapped and blushed in embarrassment, “U-um… Yes… B-because I-I don’t, I mean, it is odd f-for me that y-you…” he stammered, while Ghost was looking at him with an arched brow. “Not that it’s j-just you but… A-any ot-ther g-gu–“

“Wear your clothes.” he cut him off quickly with his icy tone.

The younger man bit his lips and got his shirt behind, “Y-yes sir.”

“And quit stammering.” he added and stands up, walking to his closet.

Gary fumbled around while wearing his ‘night clothes’ after what happened while Ghost came back to his bed–with books in his hands. After the younger man wore the clothes, he straightened his bed sheets and folded the others.

He glanced at the other man promptly in random times, thinking if it’s a good idea to start a topic to converse. He got his phone from his bag and sat on the bed, bringing his knees up to his chest and tries to conceal his legs.

He can feel that his superior was looking at him–staring at him I may say. Even though his superior wore balaclava mask and tinted glasses and all, the stares made him quiver on his bed. Trying to deflect that creepy thought, he took his headset and played the music in a low volume.

Gary glanced at the other man and saw a lot of books scattered. _Maybe starting a conversation isn’t bad at all_ , he thought and bits his lips. “U-um… There are a lot of b-books there.” he commented.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he replied with a mordant tone.

He looked away from Ghost and played on his fingers, “Y-yeah. You’re such a bookworm. That’s g-great.” he complimented and smiled sheepishly.

Ghost paused from reading and looked on the younger man with his cynical expression concealed by the mask. “And what makes you think about that?” he asked.

Gary glanced at his with a surprise and found that his superior was looking at him. “Um…” he looked down, finding correct words to form his sentence. “Because I’m not r-really into books. B-but when I saw your bookaholicness, sir, i-it’s just astounding for me. Y-you know.”

His superior went back to his reading and stated coldly, “I know. It’s because you don’t like books. Such a berk.”

The younger man looked back at him with his quizzical look, “U-uh, what’s b-berk?” he asked innocently.

“I commanded you not to stutter.” he turned back at the younger man. “If you’ll stammer incoherently, just shut up.”

That made Gary looked away in embarrassment and maybe, with a bit offense. “Yes sir.” he replied anyway.

He lay down on his bed and curled up into a ball. “Glad to be your… roommate, sir.” he said.

Gary counted 10 seconds before his superior replied shortly “Because Meat told you.”

 _Meat told me?_ he asked himself. He flashbacked everything what just happened just morning. And then he remembered Meat who said silly and complicated words for his birdbrain to understand.

_‘The one you knew and the one who you want to know.’_

Oh, yeah. And that person, whom Meat talked about, happens to be his superior. But the question was how did Ghost know about that ridiculous hint?

As much as he wanted to ask that, he was quite afraid that his superior’s comebacks will pinch his heart. He breathed in and exhaled out, trying to calm down his thoughts about Ghost being his roommate. And being his roommate, he (really) needs to handle awkward moments, conversations, or/and silences.

With Ghost, it was like a torture-of-embarrassment that he needs to suffer until he will live here in the TF141 base.

_Kill me._

“Oh god of mercy…” Gary accidentally muttered.

“What?” his superior asked as if daggers were thrown.

“Uhh… N-nothing… Sir. Goodnight.”

He pulled his blanket up to his chest and quivered underneath his covers. He inhaled and exhaled heavily and chose his playlist full of classical music–a music that is sweet to hear and good for sleeping. He closed his eyes and cheered himself mentally.

_Ghost isn’t that bad. No, he is not Gary. Don’t be such a j-judgemental person. One day you’ll know him more than you think._

Smiling at that positive thought, he opened his eyes and looked on his superior–who’s reading his book with a torch on. Even though Ghost’s been so cold in their encounter, the younger man knew that everyone have their soft spot in their hearts.

_He knew there’s always a hope for all of us._

Gary took his pillow in his head and placed it beside him, hugging it in a yearning position. Then he turned away from Ghost and faced the wall, trying to erase the latter’s presence behind him. He shut his eyes closed and hopes that he will fall to a deep sleep.

...

Gary indeed fell into his sleep–fading away his consciousness and stepping into an empty, dark void. But his sleep wasn’t a dream like most of any other days.

He was in a foreign and strange place, gasping for air and running away for his dear life.

He didn’t know why.

He kept running and running and running, clueless where he will be going. He didn’t felt any pain nor fatigue in his muscles, only struggling for his breath.

But out of the blue, he saw a hole that was so, so deep ahead of him. Just so close, only meters away. The young man tried to stop his feet from running, but he can’t. He tried his best to stop or pause or turn, but he can’t.

Fearful and scared of his impending death, he closed his eyes and a tear fell from his left eye.

Then the deep hole came in just seconds in time of his struggling. When he was about to fall to his death, a hand caught him quickly–unexpectedly–saving him.

He saw a person who’s quite blurry in his sight, _holding him–not letting go._ When the person was pulling him up form the risk below, Gary saw someone behind.

And that someone got something from behind, and unlocks it from its cage.

The young man tries to warn the person who’s rescuing him, but no words escaped from his mouth. There was a big lump blocked in his throat.

Then he saw a gun.

The gun was aimed at the person who’s pulling him up and clicked it, making it ready for a shot. Flames ignited out of the blue, surrounding his rescuer without a clue. The stranger turned around to see what it is, but it’s too late for any reaction to risk.

_A blast was heard,_

_A bullet was dropped_

_And his sight blurred,_

_And their heart beat stopped._

...

Gary gasped in fear and promptly rose from the bed, realizing that was his **_first nightmare._** He’s panting in fear and blankly stared at the bed sheets around him; yes he’s truly frightened. The young man closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to calm himself down.

 _It’s just a nightmare. J-just a nightmare. You’re still alive Gary_ , he assured himself mentally.

After seconds of unwinding, he opened his eyes and blankly stared at the bed sheets again, recalling his dream. _Why am I running?_ _Who’s the person who saved me? And the one who… k-killed me?_

“You’re having a bad dream.” the other man uttered suddenly.

Gary turned to look at his superior, who’s staring at him expressionlessly–or maybe a hint of concern, he doesn’t know. The young man just looked down, closing his mouth to prevent his ‘incoherent stammering’ and bits his lips.

Ghost closed his book roughly which made the young man flinch in fear, “You just distracted me while I’m reading by your loud gasps.” his superior said harshly.

The younger man looked away from his superior, “I-I’m sorry.” he whispered.

There was a pause after what he said. Dead silence surrounded them, making Gary shift uncomfortably on his own bed. He knows that Ghost was staring at him blankly, like waiting for any reaction.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered again, waiting for any reply.

But he was received by a command instead, “Sleep.”

The young man glanced at his superior, “U-uh, pardon me?”

“Don’t let me say it again.”

Gary obeyed quickly; he pulled his blankets up to his chest, turned away from Ghost and closed his eyes. The terror from his bad dream dreaded him from sleeping, so he decided to wait for his superior to finish his reading.

He heard scuffles of paper behind him, knowing that his superior was turning pages. Then he realized that his music stopped but he didn’t bother to play it now.

_He decided to wait for his superior._

“Good night mate.” Ghost spoke out of the blue.

The voice of his superior made him jump a bit and especially saying a ‘good night’ to him. The other man’s voice was still ringing inside his head, and that word mate looped.

 _What did he mean by mate?_ he asked himself.

Yes, Ghost’s British and he’s American, but, there were other meanings of ‘mate’. Mate means friends right?

Like pals, buddies, your companion. But mate can be an intercourse or something. You, know mating with someone. Or it can be, mating of birds, frogs and… human.  Man.

 Wait, what was he thinking? Gary just shook his head from over-thinking and hoped that he will fall again into a deep sleep.


	3. Departing the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a deep meaning and it connects to the entire story. I just wanted to share Gary's life and their future life.... Wait, does that sound right? Lol. Don’t forget to enjoy!

Minutes passed away, Gary was still trying to sleep. He tried different strategies to forget his nightmare–playing his music, counting numbers, and yawning every time–but it keeps haunting him. _That nightmare keeps haunting him._

 _Coward_ he scolded himself.

Opening his eyes, he saw the room that’s softly lit by a torch behind him, radiating faintly towards the territory of the younger man. He checked his watched and saw it’s 2102. He sighed in frustration and tossed around, realizing that his superior was still wide awake.

Ghost was sitting on his bed with his flashlight on hand and reading some thick books. As what the young man complimented his superior, the latter is a bockaholic in some sort. While he finds that reading is boring. 

Nothing much to do, Gary stopped the music and gazed at his superior silently, observing every structure of his. Yes, Ghost is indeed well-built because of course he was a soldier in TF141, while the young man knew that he’s really different from the other guys–he’s small, little, blonde and he was even called a kid for most.

Rolling his eyes from that stupid fact, he went back scrutinizing his superior. The clothes the latter wears were dark colours. Mostly black, grey, black, dark grey, black, light gray and black, black, black.

 _Why not white? White is okay, r-right?_ he asked himself.

Gary drew his eyes to the balaclava of the other man. That balaclava gave him a thousand question inside his head, confusing him in every way.

 _Why should he wear that? What is the purpose? Is it comfortable? Where did he get that? Did he have many balaclava beside what he’s wearing? How did he survive wearing that? AND WHY THE HECK YOU’RE SO NOSY ABOUT HIM GARY!??_   he slapped himself mentally.

The young man decided not to observe his superior anymore, the latter gives him headaches. And the dead silence surrounding him makes him choke in uneasiness.

_Better listen to the music Gary, than staring at your superior. That’s just creepy._

He was about to turn away from the other man, when he heard the Ghost utter suddenly, “Thought you were sleeping.” he stated without looking at the other man.

Surprised, Gary fidgeted under his blanket and cleared his throat. “I…U-um, c-can’t sleep.” he stuttered softly.

Then silence went after. Gary counted again 10 seconds before the other man reply.

“You lied.”

The reply made the young man surprise, “I lied?” he echoed and tilted his head with a quizzical look.

“You didn’t sleep.” his superior replied coldly and glanced at him.

Gary blinked and looked on his bed sheets, “Y-yes, I… Didn’t” he said shyly.

“Why?” Ghost asked directly in his icy tone, looking at the younger man.

The latter bits his lips and brushed his bed sheets with uneasiness. “I just slept the whole afternoon. A-and now, I can’t s-sle–“

“No.” Ghost stopped the young man from speaking. “You lied again in front of your superior.”

And again, dead silence went after. Gary doubted if he will tell his superior the truth or not. Firstly, if ever he will tell it, it was embarrassing because he’s a (rather) grown man and a soldier too. Secondly, if he’ll lie, he can’t get his superior’s trust.

He sighed softly in defeat. When he looked up to his superior, he found out that the latter was staring at him all the time. “I, um…” Gary diverted his eyes away from the other man. “I-I have a bad dream. J-just what you said… earlier.”

Gary glanced at his superior with his saved courage, and realized the latter was still looking at him intently

_–waiting for the young man to open up._

“T-that nightmare… um… is s-still haunting me and I-I can’t sleep. I’m so c-coward, right? Haha… Ha…” the young man laughed sheepishly and realized that was just stupid.

_What a stupid action in front of his superior. Good job Gary._

He halted from laughing awkwardly and looked away from the other man, blushing a bit in shame. He closed his eyes shut and hopes that his superior didn’t hear him, nor see him blushing again. But much in his surprise, he heard Ghost reply

“No. You’re not.”

Gary looked up in surprise and saw the other man gazing at him intently for the whole time.

_T-that’s… Unexpected…_

The young man blinked in disbelief, “A-am I?” he asked one more time to make it sure that he heard his superior right.

“You’re not coward, Gary.”

_Gary looked up and saw the distant eyes_

_The crimson shades that made those disguise_

_The young man tries to ask Ghost **why**?_

_Why would he guard himself and hide?_

“A-am I?” he asked once again, if it was really Ghost who told him that he isn’t coward.

“Yes, you are. _Don’t let yourself question for who you are, because you don’t need to ask those why’s. You don’t need to hide.”_

“…” the young man was so speechless and shocked about what his superior said. It was like the latter read his mind, and saw through him.

_I-I should… be the one asking t-that…_

_Both of them looked eye to eye_

_And then there, they realized_

_The young man’s heart beat hopped_

_While Ghost’s world merely stopped._

_There’s something between them that they can’t explain_

**_Because they’ve been so lost for a long time in vain._ **

 

Ghost looked away from the young man–who’s shocked and speechless– and back to his book. “You should go back to sleep.” he told him without any emotion in his voice.

The younger man was still gazing at his superior, it’s just surreal for him that the heard the latter speak those words. It’s _like a dream._

He slowly rose from the bed and sat at the edge of it, looking blankly on the floor. Ghost glanced at him, “I told you to sleep.” he ordered sternly.

“I-I can’t sleep.” he replied softly, looking away from the other man. He can’t dare to sleep… Especially when he had a nightmare.

The young man heard a page that was turned, “You can go to the rec room than bothering me in my reading time.” Ghost told him with his usual icy tone.

“R-rec?” he asked and looked up to see his superior.

Ghost sharply inhaled before speaking, “Rec. In other words it’s a common room.” he slammed the book shut which made the young man jump “Stop bothering me will you?! I’m so tired! And very frustrated! And this is just the time when I can relax! _How about just kill yourself and leave?!!”_

_T-that sentence. It reminds me of something._

_‘How about just kill yourself and leave?!! Rather stay here being a useless son!!!’_

_‘D-dad, p-lease. Gary isn’t usele–“_

_‘Fucking shut up or I’ll kill you!’_

_In a moment or two, a man got something from behind and aimed at the young lady–who was scared and terrified–clutching her neck as if she wasn’t his daughter._

_‘N-no! Sto–’_

_‘For all my life, your mother and I regret you came to us! You’re so useless in everything! I told you to marry Stella in behalf of our reputation, but you declined in front of the people! You’re just useless, piece of shi–“_

_The young lady bites the arm around her neck, causing the man to let her go with a shout. She ran toward her brother saying ‘Let’s leave’ and she received a reply ‘Come, let’s go to UK. Join me.’_

_But their horror became worse for the gun was aimed both of them, by a man that they never recogize as a father for he came from hell. They turned around and ran towards the door, hearing the words behind ‘Both of you deserve this!’ in a loud shout._

_A blast were heard_

_And then a loud yell_

_He saw his sister on the floor with blood running out from her leg. Horrified, he tried not to faint in front of the scene. He was so scared. He never saw it was coming._

_But he heard a soft whisper, ‘Leave or you’ll die’ saying._

**_Yes, he’s scared to die_ **

_So he left his home in hurry and runs away without any surprise. He never looked back for he heard his sister cry. Then a gun clicked again faintly and he closed his eyes._

_A blast was heard,_

_A bullet was dropped_

_And his sight blurred,_

_For his tears can’t stop_

 

Gary cringed away in fright and surprise, looking at his superior with his scared eyes. The terror of his nightmare made him jumpy of a sudden–making him even more frightened.

The other man sighed in frustration and glared at the sergeant, “Just fucking go.”

The young man planted himself on the bed, still shaken from the sudden roar of his superior. Ghost waited for Gary to calm himself a bit before yelling at him,

“Go. Out!” he ordered.

Gary stands up shakily and walked towards the door, opening it with his trembling hands. He twisted the knob and exited hurriedly, still fighting the terror of the dream. Walking away hurriedly from the room–clueless where he was heading.

_He was running away without a clue_

The young man clutched his trembling hands, trying to stop it from shaking. He didn’t notice the greetings he received by the hallway for he was drowned by his deep thoughts.

_Then there was a hole._

_He can’t stop._

_He knew he’s going to fall._

_He kept running._

_And running._

He closed his eyes shut, waiting for his impending death. A tear fell from his eyes for he knew… He knew he’s going to die. _He’s going to die._

Gary didn’t notice that he was picking pace in walking and been bumping some of the guys in the hallway without knowing.

“You okay Gary?” he heard a familiar voice on his left.

“Kid, something’s wrong?” he heard another one.

“Blonde, what happened?” and another one.

The young man whispered a reply ‘I’m okay’ a thousand times but he was still shaken about his nightmare–which felt so real. Gary didn’t realize that he’s been running away from the voices around him, running away like a coward would do.

“Sir, he’s shaking.” he heard a faint voice behind him.

“Is there something’s wrong with him?”

“His face was shocked.”

He exited the base hurriedly and didn’t care that his surroundings was so dark. Very dark. Surprisingly, he wasn’t scared about the darkness around him, instead he runs forward blindly. The path was dimly lit by some lights, but it was really dark for everyone’s sight.

_He’s been running and running._

_He’s been running for his dear life._

_Clueless and blind._

He heard someone running behind him, the young man was scared that it might be the one who killed him in his dream or his _past_. He quickened his pace and ran away, _he blindly ran away in lunacy._

_“Gary!” he heard a shout from behind._

And followed by another shout and another more, but then everything seems to be blurrier and fainter. Everything was faded and it was turned into an empty dark void that blurred him from reality.

_He was in a foreign and strange place, gasping for air and running away for his dear life._

_He didn’t know why._

“Gary! Stop!”

_He kept running and running and running, clueless where he will be going. He didn’t felt any pain or any fatigue in his muscles, only struggling for his breath._

“Gary!”

_But out of the blue, he saw a hole that was so, so deep ahead of him. Just so close, only meters away. The young man tried to stop his feet from running, but he can’t. He tried his best to stop or pause or turn, but he can’t._

“Stop running!”

_Fearful and scared of his impending death, he closed his eyes and a tear fell from his left eye._

“Gary!!!”

_Then the deep hole came in just seconds in time of his struggling. When he was about to fall to his death, a hand caught him quickly–unexpectedly–saving him._

The young man was stopped immediately from his running when a hand held him so tightly and pulled him closer. He heard a deafening honk of a car that passed by just inches from him and he jolted away in shock and surprise.

“Fuck it Gary! You’re almost hit by a car!” he heard someone behind him, holding him tightly.

_He saw a person who’s quite blurry in his sight, holding him–not letting go. When the person was pulling him up form the risk below, Gary saw someone behind._

The young man struggled away from the arms that clasped him for he knew that he was going to die. He needs to get away; he needs to escape his death. He can’t die. _No, not now._

“N-no! I don’t want to die!”

“Gary! Stop it!”

_And that someone got something from behind, and unlocks it from its cage._

Gary achieved freeing himself from the arms that clasped him tightly, and ran away without even knowing. He was quick getting away from the hold and even quicker running away from it.

_The young man tries to warn the person who’s rescuing him, but no words escaped from his mouth. There was a big lump blocked in his throat._

“Gary! I command you to stop this insta–“

“S-save yourself.” he croaked.

_Then he saw a gun._

“Gary!!! Stop!”

_The gun was aimed at the person who’s pulling him up and clicked it, making it ready for a shot. Flames ignited out of the blue, surrounding his rescuer without a clue. The stranger turned around to see what it is, but it’s too late for any reaction to risk._

The young man heard a deafening honk coming in his way rapidly and the light beamed brightly towards him, almost blinding his sight. He froze immediately and his feet were planted on the ground–in fright and shock–for the speeding vehicle was only a meter away from him.

“Gary!!!”

_A blast was heard,_

_A bullet was dropped_

_And his sight blurred,_

_And their heart beat stopped._

The young man was quickly pushed away from the vehicle that nearly runs him over–almost killing him in an instant–by the arms enclosing him behind.

**_Then he fell but caught by someone._ **

The impact on the hard ground wasn’t painful as he expected, for there were a cushion surrounding him. He rested down on the hard floor, gasping for breath with a person on the top of him. He went back to reality after fading away, blinking his eyes to get his sight clear from the blur of his _foolish_ tears.

Then he realized this isn’t a dream.

Gary felt warm breaths tickling on his neck, and the arms surrounding him for warmth and security. He slowly looked up for he was afraid to know who saved him, and again it was the person he didn’t expect to do–it’s Ghost.

The young man widens his eyes in surprise and looked around, finding out that they were in the middle of the road. He gaped his mouth open and looked back again to his superior, who’s watching him intently with his dark sight.

Both of them stared for a while, a moment in time–the young man was stunned and the superior was surprised. Then it was Ghost who broke it by whispering low beside Gary’s ears.

“You’re. Fucking. In. Trouble.”

The other man released his hold and stands up, glaring at the younger man as if he ordered him by his eyes. But Gary sat there stunned about what’s happening and stared at Ghost with his blank eyes. _W-what happened? W-why am I h-here?_ he asked himself.

“You want to die here?” his superior asked coldly with a hint of sarcasm.

Gary stood up slowly and tremblingly for he was still shaken from what happened. He glanced behind his superior saw distant persons standing at the border of the base–with their gaped mouths and shocked faces.

“Hey Gary!” the other man yelled at him exhaustingly.

But the young man looked down on the road and stared blankly, trying to register what just happened. He clutched his shaking hands and bits his lips. _I nearly died here._

Ghost suddenly clasped the young man’s shoulders and squeezed those, “Wake up, arsehole! You’re nearly killed by a lorry!” the superior violently shook the –rather limp–young man into reality, “You hear me?! That fucking lorry! You’re nearly ki–“

“Died.” Gary muttered, still looking away from Ghost.

His superior loosed his clutch on the young man’s shoulder and slowly dragged his hands down to Gary’s forearms. He sighed and calmed himself, “What’s wrong?” he asked with his cool tone.

_Everything._

Gary bites his lips and blinked, trying to hold back his tears, “W-we should go. Captain might be u-upset.”

When the young man was about to take a step, his superior stopped him by holding him tightly, “I asked you what’s wrong.”

_Everything._

“Gary, what’s wrong?”

_Me._

“Gary.”

_My parents._

“Hey Gary.”

_My life._

“Gary?”

_My decision._

_My wrong decision._

_I don’t want to be a soldier._

_No…_

_I don’t want to die._

_No…_

_I don’t want to be here._

_No…_

_My sister…_

_No_

_No_

_No!_

_This isn’t right!_

_I want to go home!_

_Go back!_

_NO!_

 

“Gary!” Ghost brought him back to reality.

The young man gasped in surprise and found out that his superior was just inches away from his face. _T-those eyes._ He had been gasping for air and stared at Ghost for a while, realizing that they were still in the middle of the road.

“Gary, what’s wrong?” the other man asked him so many times but still didn’t give up waiting for an answer.

Gary stared at Ghost with his blue orbs, “I-I… I’m… s-scared.” _Scared of dying._

Ghost looked at him with his blank eyes and expressionless face, even with a balaclava on the young man knew the other man’s expression changed. “Let’s go.” his superior said with his icy tone and lets him go.

The other man turns around and walks away, leaving his subordinate to follow him towards the base. Gary glanced back to the border of the base and realized that there were persons still standing there–waiting for them to come back somehow.

The young man looked down in embarrassment and bits his lips, blushing a little bit for there were people watching both of them made a scene in the middle of the road. He hopes that his Captain wasn’t there seeing them resting on the road. _That’s just e-embarrassing._

He walks back to the base slowly–for his feet weight a ton–while trailing his superior behind, trying to keep distance. He closed his eyes shut, stopping the tears that were going to escape from his eyes. His nightmare was so familiar to him. _It’s like… my nightmare felt so true, so real._

_And when my sister was shot, that feels surreal._

Then he heard a loud honk coming on his way. Gary immediately jumped towards his superior and grasped the latter’s back in surprise and fright. The other man was startled and scowled, “The heck Gary! Get off m–“

He closed his eyes shut and grasped the shirt harder, “I’m s-scared.” he accidentally muttered.

_Oh dear loaf, that slipped out of my mouth!_

His superior glanced behind, trying to see the young man’s expression if he was joking or he really was _scared._ And he really was scared.

“So you’re going to have a piggy back ride?” Ghost asked sarcastically and stopped walking, “You have your feet to cross the road. You even ran a while ago. Dodging those vehicles along your way.” he scolded him but didn’t yelled, and glanced back again at Gary.

Then there was again a loud honk passed behind them, making the young man cringed towards the back of his superior. “I-I… d-don’t know… h-how to cross…” he admitted softly and blushed in embarrassment.

“What the fu–“

“I-I’ll try!” he jumped away from his superior, “U-um, you don’t n-need to say b-bad words.” he released Ghost’s shirt and stepped backwards, looking down shyly. He blushed immediately in embarrassment and turned his head away from the man.

When he was about to step forward, he heard his superior sighed without any trail of exhaustion but somewhat satisfaction _. Wait, satisfaction?_

“Oh, Gary. Come here.” he told him with his softest and rather charming tone.

In the blink of an eye, Ghost scooped up the younger man to his arms like the latter has no weight at all. Gary was shocked and dazed about what’s happening right now. _This is just impossible. You’re dreaming. This is a dream-like nightmare._

His superior looked at him with his dark eyes behind the crimson shades, watching him intently. “S-sir! Y-you don’t h-have to do this! I-I can w-wal–“

“Shush.”

Ghost held the young man in a sweetheart carry or in other words, a bridal style carry. The young man blinked just to make sure everything is real. _E-everything’s real_. This feels so strange and so foreign, yet he felt protected.

Gazing at the other man intently while trying to perceive the latter’s expression, he heard an odd sound coming from his chest–so strange yet so fulfilling.

**_Thump._ **

_Wait..._

**_Thump._ **

_No…_

**_Thump._ **

_T-this..._

He drew his hands up to his chest, feeling his heart beating loudly.

_… This is really s-something._

...

The time they got to the border of the base, his superior let him go in front of the men and took a step forward as if there was nothing happened at all. The men around him were still dumbstruck about what just happened so the young man looked down in embarrassment.

Breaking the awkward atmosphere, their Captain cleared his throat, “Gary. Both of you should come to my office, right now.” he told them with his superior tone and walked out.

Right after that, the men were back again to earth and asked Gary with a hint of concern in their tones.

“Hey kid, are you okay?” Toad asked while resting his hand on the young man’s shoulders.

“I’m fine.”

Meat joined the conversation, “You freaked us out, man. That’s just reckless.”

“You were nearly hit by a car Gary. You know that, right?” Archer asked, still doubting if the kid was back in his right mind.

Gary looked down and bits his lips “Y-yes. I know.”

“And you know that Ghost had been running after you?” another one joined the commotion.

 _G-ghost?_ He looked up and searched the balaclava within his sight, but there was no mask behind the group of men surrounding him.

“Hey Gary. You know about that?” Ozone asked the question once again.

The young man blinked and looked away shyly, “N-no…”

The men looked at each other with their quizzical faces and questions inside their heads. “Wait. So you don’t know Ghost had been so…  how should I say that To–“

Toad cut Meat’s sentence quickly, “Ghost had been so worried. Really. He asked us where you went and searched for you with such concern.” he paused and gazed at the youngest man intently. “He chased after you. He’s concerned about you. He was very troubled and anxious.” Then he heard some guys approved inaudibly.

Gary slowly peeked at the tall man standing in front him with his surprised eyes. “I-I… D-don’t know.”

Toad blinked in disbelief and cleared his throat, “Um, you should go to the office now.” then drew his hand back to its place.

 _Oh y-yeah._ “O-okay. I should g-go now then.” he stuttered awkwardly and walked away from the commotion.

While he sauntered to the office of his Captain, he was pondering about what the men told him a while ago.  _Ghost had been w-worried because of m-me?_ He closed his eyes, thinking that it was just a joke. What they said is just a joke.

When he passed the big gates, he was welcomed by darkness surrounding the base. Well, it was dimly lit but still. He looked at the back to see if the men were trailing behind him. However they were having fun and talking loudly at the border.

The young man took a deep breath and exhaled heavily for he knew there was an upcoming danger waiting for him. He bits his lips and turns his head slowly towards his fear, closing his eyes in fear.

_H-how did I got myself on the r-road?_

Still closing his eyes, he took a step without looking on his path–walking blindly like what he had been doing all the time. He clenched his fists while muttering _Help me God. Help me God. Help me God._

He felt a chilling wind gushed on his side, making him yelp in fear and run away from where he stood. He closed his eyes still, blindly running while imagining creepy thoughts inside his head. He’s not running away like he did a moment ago, he was running because of the eerie atmosphere surrounding him.

_T-there might be w-white lady, or a hovering ghost, o-or… O-or…_

Unexpectedly, he felt a hand stopping him from dashing foolishly. The young man jumped in fright and shrilled out of his lungs, still closing his eye. “Please don’t kill me! Please don’t kill me! Don’t kill me!” he whined and followed again by a loud shrill.

Then his mouth was suddenly blocked by strong hands, preventing him to scream more. The young man struggled from the hold and squirmed, trying to pull away the hand on his mouth. He screamed again and tried to bite the hand but he was received by a scowl, “Shut up will you?!”

 _Wait is that…_ “G-ghost?” he opened his eyes and saw the creepy mask in front of him, holding him tightly.

Gary looked around and saw again the darkness surrounding them. His hair rose in fright and closed back his eyes, murmuring “I-I don’t like the d-dark. It gives m-me creeps. P-please!”

“Come on! You’re a fucking soldier!”

The young man struggled even more, “P-please!” and screeched like a girl.

“Okay! Okay! Just shut your mouth or else those guys might be thinking something stupid that’s happening between us!”

_H-happening between what?!_

Ghost unclasped his hands away from the young man’s mouth, and those soft lips. “So you want me to carry you again?” he asked mordantly.

The young man was still closing his eyes but whispered, “Y-you don’t need to. Just d-don’t l-leave meeeeeeeee….” he adorably drawled.

“Okay! Just shut the fuck up!”

Immediately, the young man ordered his superior and shut his mouth. “Just close your eyes. Walk behind me and follow me in the dark.” he told him with his calmness tone.

His superior turned back and waited for the young man to clutch his shirt behind. The latter hesitated in embarrassment at first but complied after a while because he knew they were still surrounded by the dark. He grasped the other man’s shirt and his superior took a step.

The young man trusted Ghost and closed his eyes, leaning his head on the strong back of his superior. The latter took step by step and waited for Gary to follow. Their travel is quite slow and the other man’s patience was starting to shorten. “Captain is waiting in the office and we’re not halfway through.” he told Gary sternly.

But the young man didn’t reply for he had been praying to finish all of this nonsense.

“Hey Gary. You can open your mouth now.”

“Mn…” his subordinate shut his eyes and bits his lips, for he didn’t want be distracted in his meditation.

“You okay there?”

“Mn…!” then he clenched the shirt harder, as if saying to his superior to ‘shut up’.

Gary heard the other man sigh and felt the falling of the latter’s chest. _Oh, that’s satisfying._

 _S-satisfying? Gary snap out of it!_ he scolded himself.

“I need to carry you. The base is really wide and we’re just, maybe one-fourth through.”

“W-wht?!”

In just a blink of an eye, Ghost turned around suddenly and carried the young man in ease. The latter accidentally opened his eyes in surprise and realized that they weren’t nearly one-fourth through. Ghost jogged towards the main building with his subordinate being carried by him.

His superior glanced at Gary, “Close your eyes so that you won’t jump in fright.” he commanded him.

But the young man wasn’t able to comply for his eyes were focused on the mask– _wondering who could be the man behind it, dreaming of the features of the concealed face and wishing he could see the real Ghost who’s hiding from everything._

 _T-those dark eyes…_ he thought dreamingly.

Their faces were only inches away and Gary felt again the warm breaths tickling on his neck, and then he heard the loud beating in his chest. The feeling was odd for him and the thumping is strange to hear. Everything feels unreal.

Gary didn’t realized that he was gaping his mouth open and staring at his superior for the whole time–because he was having his head in the clouds with his superior hovering around–until Ghost suddenly looked at him. Eye to eye.

“I thought you’re scared.” the other man looked at him with his emotionless eyes.

_N-no… Because you’re h-here…_

The young man looked away in embarrassment and blushed, “U-um…”

“Just tell Captain that I carried you because you were out of your mind.” Ghost told him with such an icy tone.

“W-what?” Gary glanced at his superior with surprise.

“I ordered you. Just do what I told you.”

* * * *  *

Both of them were inside their Captain’s office after a while and the two of them sat on the opposite seats. Soap didn’t talk or look at them while writing at the bunch of paper works on the desk. They patiently waited for their Captain until Ghost broke the silence,

“Are we going to sit our arses here and wait until you’ll talk?” the lieutenant asked mordantly.

Their Captain glanced at Ghost and back on his paper, “Yes.”

“Oh, bloody yanks. You’re such pathetic.” he groaned in frustration.

“You too.”

Ghost swore under his breath, “Can I go now?” he asked impatiently and stood up.

Soap glared at him and commanded, “No. Sit down.”

The lieutenant stood firmly and clenched his fists, “For fuck’s sake Soa–“

The young man interrupted timidly, “U-um... We can talk later i-if you don’t want C-capta–“

“I’m finished.” Soap told him and glanced at his lieutenant. “Sit back Ghost. I need an explanation about what happened. The two of you.”

“Well.” Ghost glared at the subordinate with his cold eyes, “I don’t fucking know what he ate this dinner.”

“That explanation was just stupid as you, Ghost.” their Captain insulted and looked at Gary with a hint of irritation in his eyes. “Gary Sanderson. What you did was impulsive and reckless action. The action may injure you or Ghost, or both of you. Running away like that and crossing on the road without looking was crazy. You were almost hit by two vehicles and one of them is a large lorry. Ghost was almost hit by that too.” Soap briefly glanced at his lieutenant and back again at the young man. “Thankfully, your superior saved you from the incoming danger. He saved your life. Right now, I need explanation.”

Ghost cleared his throat and looked at Gary, “ _We_ need explanation.” he corrected Soap mockingly.

The young man quivered on his seat and looked down, blushing a bit, “I-Is it necessary?” he asked quietly.

“Bloody hell! Stop being a bug on us!” the lieutenant stood up harshly, making the seat yank away.

Gary cringed in surprise and bits his lips harder, “I-I’m s-s-s-sorr–“

“Quit saying sorry! It makes me sic–“

“Enough, enough! Ghost, just sit down and remain calm.” the Captain scolded loudly.

Ghost swore under his breath but still obeyed his Captain then slumped on the chair. “I’m calm. Now what?”

“Right _now_ , we don’t need to force the kid to explain.” the Captain told him and glowered at his lieutenant.

“Well that’s _fantastic”_

“Shut up Ghost. If explanation won’t work for the kid, then punishment will be the replacement.” Soap looked back at the young man who’s quite scared about it. “Because of your reckless behaviour young man, your name will be replaced to Roach.”

_W-what?!_

“You bugged your superior at his so-called relaxation time and made him run after you. You nearly killed yourself, including Ghost who was being grouchy at that time. Then _your_ superior carried you until the border. You have your own feet, why do you need to be carried?”

The young man glanced at Ghost–who’s looking intently at his Captain–and back again on the floor. “U-um… I was o-out of my mind.” he muttered quietly.

_Happy now Ghost? Are you happy now?_

“You what?” his Captain asked in surprise.

Gary slowly looked up at the two superiors in front of him, and found out that they were shocked about what he said. By the way Ghost looked, he was stunned. “U-uh… Something’s w-wrong?” the young man asked quietly while tilting his head up.

His Captain closed his mouth and blinked, “Gary is that true?”

“Um… It wa–“

“No sir. I was just kidding around with the kid.” Ghost cut off the young man’s sentence quickly.

Soap shook his head and changed his expression, “That’s just stupid Gh–“

“N-no sir. T-that’s t-true.”

Both of the superiors turned their heads to their subordinate’s direction with their quizzical looks. “I… Um… K-kind of lost my m-mind…” Gary admitted quietly and stooped.

The superiors blinked in surprise, “I don’t need an explanation Gary. You don’t need to force yourself to open out your problems or whatever that was hidden in you.” the Captain spoke up with no emotion trailing in his voice. “If ever you have any, feel free to diagnose in the psychologist.”

Gary looked up in surprise, _I-I’m not crazy!_

“Just kidding kid. You can talk to me if you want. But right now, there are punishments that you need to face.”

Their subordinate quivered on his seat and bits his lips, scared what his punishment will be aside calling him Roach.

“The punishments are simple I may say. First, you will be named as Roach. Second, you will be treated like a Roach. Third, in 3 days, everyone will order you–whether the order is stupid or not. Everyone, I repeat, everyone including the lower ranks will order you.” his Captain turned his head to his lieutenant. “And I think it is better that you’ll separate from your superior, kid. He doesn’t want to disturb his reading time by your foolishness as what he said.”

Gary slowly tilted his head up and looked at Ghost with a hint of regret in his blue eyes.

 _M-my foolishness?_ he wanted to ask the superior in front of him.

“Okay. I think everything’s clear.” the Captain stood up and got something from behind.

_W-wait… Is that a co–_

_“Evening guys. This is your Captain speaking. Most of you know Gary Sanderson, the FNG here. And now, he got his brand new nickname–a custom for TF141 regiment. His nickname will be Roach for he bugged out his superior, which happens to be Ghost. He will be treated like a Roach in three days. And everyone will order him. Any order guys, but don’t exceed to the limits. And as I said, everyone can order him, including the non-officers. This is your Captain again, informing you for the latest news. Have a good night.”_ then he turned off the microphone and placed it back to where it belongs.

“Well, Roach, I announced that to everyone.” his Captain turned to him with a cocky grin.

The young man parted his lips in shock “W-wha…”

“Yes.” Soap mocked him with a smirk and walked towards the door, “You can have your talk there Roach. I’m going to wait for you outside.” his Captain exited and closed the door behind.

_T-talk? What will we talk a-about?!_

“U-um… I think there’s n-no more to talk a-about r-right?” Gary looked up and awkwardly smiled. “S-so… I should b-better go now.” he stammered and stood up, walking away from his superior as fast as possible.

_No, no, no, no, no… I don’t want to talk about it._

_H-he will think that I’m more than s-stupid._

He ignored his superior and arrived next to the door in just a second. When he was about to turn the knob with his trembling hands, he felt a strong grasp pulling him behind. The young man yelped and awkwardly turns 180 degrees, facing his superior.

Ghost slammed his hands on the door, trapping the young man by his strong arms. The latter shut his eyes in surprise and bits his lips.

Ghost leaned forward and whispered “Captain left us here so that we’ll have a talk.” he said with his low husky tone.

Gary shivered when he felt warm breaths tickling on his neck and jaw. He heard his superior’s breathing and can feel the rising and falling of his chest.

_T-that husky v-voice…_

“Open your eyes.” the other man ordered him lowly.

He hesitated but he cannot object his superior’s order so the young man opened his eyes slowly and was welcomed by the dark eyes gazing at him intently. Their faces was dangerously inches away, just inches away their lips can meet.

_L-l-l-lips?!!_

His face heated up and his cheeks flushed into a bright coral pink. He felt Ghost’s breathes escaping from his lips and saw the rising and falling of the latter’s chest while the young man heard the loud thumping inside his chest.

The other man slowly leaned forward causing Gary to jerk away in surprise. Their faces were only one inch away, dangerously one inch away. Gary blushed even **_harder_** and his heart thumped **_louder_** for his superior leaned even **_closer_**.

Then the latter lowly whispered again beside his ear. “Now. Talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how was it? Don't forget to leave kudos and reviews!!!


	4. Changing Here and There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you enjoyed the 'edited' chapters >.<. I know there's a bit difference between the old and the new chapters, but will try to stick with the original plot. And hopefully, finish BOBW quickly as possible.

 

 

 

The bug hesitated and looked away from his superior, while squirming and quivering in uneasiness and embarrassment. Ghost pressed their bodies to make sure his subordinate won’t escape his trap and the sudden action made Roach jerk away in surprise.

“I said talk.” the other man commanded him once again. “Or else…”

Roach glanced at his superior with his red face, “O-or else w-w-what?”

“Or else…” he leaned closer and drew his hand up to Roach’s jaw line, caressing it temptingly. “Or else you’ll be staying here…” and pressed his body even closer, making the young man gasp in shock. “With me.” Ghost said with his lowest and husky tone, slowly gliding his body up and down.

_What the heck, what the heck!? Why would Ghost d-do t-t-t-this?!!!_

As sensitive as Roach was, his member was getting harder and harder in every action. He was freaking out inside his head; especially his superior was pressing him and tempting him. And Roach was sure the other man felt he was getting hard.

The young man panicked and blushed even more, “I-I-I’m g-going to tell y-y-you! J-just get off m-meeee!” he pleaded adorably and blushed furiously, biting his lips harder.

He heard his superior grunt and said, “Good boy.” Ghost backed away from the young man’s body and crossed his arms on his chest. “Now talk. Don’t waste my time.”

Roach looked down in embarrassment and closed his eyes, “I… I h-had a bad dream, r-right? Um… I-I was killed… A-and it felt s-so real… I’m c-coward you know t-that… I know you d-do… A-and my past it di–“

He realized his last sentence was slipped out of his mouth. He widened his eyes and shut his mouth straight away, looking down in embarrassment.

“Your past?” Ghost asked in curiosity.

Roach closed his eyes and breathed in and out heavily. After a while, his hands were trembling slightly and his breathing shook irregularly.  He really doesn’t want to bring up that topic. Ghost was staring at him intently and he was getting more curious.

_M-my sister…_

_Gabi appeared out of the blue and told her father, ‘D-dad, p-lease. Gary isn’t usele–“_

“Roach?”

_‘Fucking shut up or I’ll kill you!’ their dad scolded her loudly with his hell-like look on his face._

“Hey Roach. Gary, you’re trembling.”

The young man shut his eyes even harder and a tear fell from his eye, trembling in fear because of his past.

_‘G-gary… Just leave or you’ll die… I-It’s okay.’_

“Hey Gary!”

_And then there was a loud blast behind him which shook him in fear–fear that his sister was killed by his own father._

“Gary! Roach!”

**_‘How about just kill yourself and leave?!! Rather stay here being a useless son!!!’_ **

“Gary!!!”

The young man gasped and went back again on Earth, “I-I can’t… I-I’m sorry.” he muttered. He turned around immediately and tries to twist the knob with his trembling hands.

“Gary. I order you to tel–“

“No!” he accidentally yelled and glanced on his superior briefly with regret on his eyes. “I-I’m sorry… I-I can’t, okay? P-please…” he pleaded with incoherent words.

He twisted the knob and opened the door, quickly leaving his superior surprised and stunned. Roach rushed to the room of Ghost, praying that the latter will forget everything.

_He hopes that he’ll forget **everything.**_

* * * * *

Roach was leaded by his Captain to his new room after quickly packing everything in his bad–and after running away from the office with fear and calming down his nerves… and his boner. The room was just ordinary, but there was only one bed. And the good (bad) thing is– there wasn’t any roommate that he can disturb.

The young man had been resting on his bed while pondering about the events that happened a while ago. He tried to sleep but the nightmare was still haunting him. He tried to shrug away what happened, but it was still lingering in his mind.

Sighing in frustration, he turned his body around facing the wall and blankly stared at it for a while.

_Okay, this leads to nothing. Maybe music will make me sleep._

He slid his hand in his pocket and searched his phone, finding out its empty. He blinked in a bit of nervousness and sat up on his bed, searching his phone in his other pockets.

_W-wait. It’s empty!_

Gary stood up and got his bag, getting everything from it and rummaged for his phone. He threw his clothes away and cluttered his things on his bed, but much to his dismay, his phone was nowhere to be found.

The young man blinked and closed his eyes, trying to figure out where he placed his phone last time. He was sure his phone was always in his pocket… or maybe not. He opened his eyes in shock and panicked when he realized he misplaced his phone in Ghost’s room.

_Omg, why life i-is like this?!_

Roach sighed in exhaustion and closed back his eyes, “Whyyyy….” he whined.

He scratched his nape and hung his head rearward in irritation of his stupidness. He shook his head opened his eyes, telling himself _I’m going to get my phone back. Tomorrow._ Right now, he needs to sleep for tomorrow’s activities.

So much for those, he grabbed his pillow from his bed, hugging it tightly, and opened the door and went out. He can’t sleep inside his room, especially that he’s alone, so better stay in the rec room instead.

_I can’t sleep alone._

* * * * *

When he was on the way to the rec room, he unclasped his pillow from his embrace and dangled it by his hand for he was shy that some of the guys will see him doing that. He was so exhausted in his first day that his body weighted two times heavier. Albeit of his long catnaps throughout the day, his body can’t take any commotions or fusses or scenes or whatever that tires his heart out.

After pushing his feet to walk for a minute, he arrived outside the rec room. The journey from his room up to here was taken his time quite a bit, because his room was assigned to the farthest one and maybe at end of their headquarters.

He didn’t know what the rec room was or what was inside it, until he took a peek to see for himself. The rec room was full of entertaining stuff like television, video games, DVDs, food, board games and many others. _Well, that’s cool._

 On his right, Roach saw five guys hanging out and they were Meat, Toad, Archer, Royce and Ozone. By the looks of their faces, they were seemed to be pretty tired and exhausted, just like the young man. _Well, they’re not strangers for me then._

The young man silently walked in while observing everything inside the common room. While Roach silently studies the room, Archer noticed the latter’s presence in an instant.

“Hey, Gary. I mean Roach.” Archer greeted him and the men beside the latter turned their heads around.

Roach slightly jerked away in surprise but quickly calmed himself and smiled. “H-hey Archer.” he replied with his shy smile.

Meat suddenly grinned playfully, “Laughing about our nicknames? Well you received your own nickname, _Roach._ I bet you bugged our superiors. _”_ he jested and the men snickered while Roach stood there blushing in embarrassment.

_Yeah. I b-bugged him._

“So anyways, what’s up?” Royce asked.

The youngest man scratched his head timidly and looked down, “I… U-um... Gonna sle–“

“You’re gonna sleep here? Why?” Toad interrupted and arched his brown questioningly, looking at the pillow that was dragged by the young man.

Roach bits his lips and replied, “Y-yeah…” he paused and glanced at the direction of Toad. “I can’t… Sleep.”

They blinked in surprise and formed their mouths into ‘oh’ while the youngest man stood there, blushing a bit. As usual, Toad was the one who’s going to break the awkward silence by clearing his throat, “Then okay. You can sit here for a while.” he tapped a space on the couch beside him, “Stay here for the meantime. We’re just going to finish this movie and after that, you can take the couch.”

Roach nodded his head meekly and walked towards the couch, sitting beside Toad awkwardly. The men–except Roach–turned back their focus to the television and watched the horror movie with a thrill in their faces. While the youngest man buried his face in the pillow and closed his eyes shut, not wanting to see the dreading faces in the movie.

After some loud shrills that made the young man jerk in surprise, he heard Toad said on his side “So, let’s go back to the topic we left.”

Roach knitted his brows confusedly, “T-topic?” he asked in his muffled tone.

“Yeah. Topic about what happened between you and Ghost.” Toad said and the other men agreed by saying ‘yeah’.

_Between u-us?!_

“U-uh… W-what topic?” he stammered and peeped on the man beside him, hoping that the topic wouldn’t be the two of them–him and Ghost–were in the dark. The thought shivered the young man.

Toad arched his brow but started the conversation anyways, “About why you don’t know that Ghost had been so worried about you.” he paused and looked at the young man beside him. “What happened back there?”

_Not again these i-interrogations._

“I-I… Don’t know.” he silently lied.

“You don’t know?!” Meat jumped right in, literally, making the poor couch to yank and squeak–and making the youngest member jerk away in surprise. “Oh shit Roach! Are you possessed by that time? Why the freaking heck you ran and dodged those cars? Those cars were in high speed! And you avoided them high speed! Are you fucking possessed or w–“

“Hey! Enough Meat. You’re making the kid traumatized.” Ozone scolded him and smacked his back.

“Ow! I’m just curious!” he yelled childishly at the man who smacked him.

Toad, the most mature and non-stupid in the group, prevented them from smacking each other. “Stop it! I’m asking Roach about what happened! And I don’t want the two of you doing such stupid things!” he scolded them with his most strict tone he can manage.

The youngest member unclasped the pillow on his face and looked at the fuss they were doing, “H-h-hey! S-s-s-s-stop it!” he tried to yell at them but his voice was too subtle at that time.

Right when they heard the soft voice of Roach, they stopped immediately. Toad chuckled and said, “That’s how it’s done.” he looked back at the young man with an amused look, “And again. We were curious about what happened, so what happened?”

Everyone turned their heads to Roach, waiting for the latter to answer.  The young man bits his lips in nervousness, “I-I… Um…”

“We order you to answer our question.” Meat commanded mockingly but was received by another smack from Ozone.

The young man looked down on the floor blankly and tried to calm himself, “I-I can’t. I’m s-sorry.” he said without any emotion trailing in his voice.

After what he said, they stared at the youngest man for a while in surprise. Some of them blinked in disbelief while others were waiting for more explanation for some reason. Roach glanced at the men beside him, “U-um… Something’s wrong?” he asked questioningly.

“Uh, no. That’s just surprising.” Archer said casually and shrugged about it, looking back at the television.

“Sorry for being a stupid fuck, man. You do have a problem, don’t you?” Meat asked.

Roach tilted his head confusedly, “P-problem?”

“Yeah. From the looks of you, you have a big problem that you’re keeping.” Meat observed and the others nodded in agreement.

_Is it o-obvious?_

The young man parted his lips and stared at them blankly, “I-I… don’t have any p-problem.”

Meat scratched his head but acknowledged Roach with a slight nod and a smile. The others did the same but they still have doubt in their eyes. “It’s okay kid if you don’t want to say it.” Toad tapped the back of Roach and held the hand of the latter, which made him froze in surprise. “But if ever you have any problem, I’ll be here to hear you and help you. Don’t forget that” Toad smiled warmly, still holding the soft hands of the young man.

Roach nodded his head and smiled back, but then he heard a loud thump on the floor which caused them to jerk away in surprise, “I need to go.” Archer said coldly and stood up, walking away with his tensed shoulders.

And the room became so quiet as ever

Toad released the soft hand of Roach and stood up, “Hey Archer! Don’t be so pans–“

“Shut the fuck up!” Archer retorted angrily and exited the rec room, leaving an awkward atmosphere behind.

All of them looked at the direction where the other man left and back at Ghost with their quizzical and surprised looks in their faces. “Er, is there a problem with him?” Royce asked, breaking the awkward silence.

Toad brushed his hair and sighed “Um, yeah. I should go and deal with this problem.” he said with no emotion in his voice and walked towards the door and left, leaving them speechless in the sudden walk out of the two men.

Meat scratched his head and looked on Roach, “We should go now kid. We’re gonna sleep ‘coz there’ll be early training tomorrow.”

The young man smiled, “I-It’s okay! You don’t have to stay here.”

Meat smiled back in reply and they all stood up, walked away and exited the room, leaving the young man alone with the television turned on. Roach sighed and looked at the television, realizing that the movie has come to the end.

The young man changed the channel and randomly picked any station that wasn’t horror. Then he settled on the couch with his pillow in his arms and closed his eyes, hoping that he will fall into a _dreamless_ sleep.

* * * * *

Ghost brought a stack of paper work that he needs to finish in one night. Of course, superiors have their pros and cons in their work. And right now, the lieutenant carried the stack by his strong hands to the common room–where he always did his paper work most of the time.

He checked the time on his watch and saw its 2337; the guys were surely sleeping at this time. And he was sure that no one will disturb his work. His paper work was halfway finished and he was determined he can finish the other half in one hour.

The superior arrived outside the rec room in just seconds and when he stepped in, he saw someone taking _his place._ He knitted his brows in frustration and walked towards to see who it was. And alas it was the one who bugged him.

_Ah, shit. Why the fuck he’s sleeping here?_

Much to his irritation, he walked quietly towards the coffee table and sat on the floor, not bothering his subordinate. Ghost silently placed his paper work on the table and turned the telly off and started his work immediately.

While he was writing and working in his first five papers, he was disturbed by the soft breaths of the young man on his right. The superior tried to shrug about it and went back to his work, trying to finish everything faster. He proceeded to the next paper and the first question made him fume.

_What the hell is this!??!_

He knitted his brows in exasperation and read again the question which irritates him the most. He massaged his temples and closed his eyes, thinking about the best answer he can inscribe.  Then suddenly, Ghost heard a soft and adorably hum from the young man from his side.

The superior opened his eyes in surprise when he heard that soft and sweet sound. He turned his head on his right and saw his subordinate who was curled up into a ball with a pillow in the latter’s arms, hugging it tightly.

Right when he saw Roach, he calmed himself down and took off his crimson sunglasses. He drew his pale green eyes on the young man’s innocent face, observing his features one by one. His face were so milky with a tinge of pink on his freckled cheeks, his eyelashes were long and curved in a way that everyone will fancy, and those lips. Those soft pink lips were slight parted as he escapes soft breaths and those sweet hums.

The rising and falling of the young man’s chest gives the other man somewhat satisfying feeling. _He feels contented._ Ghost slightly curved his lips and turned back to the work he had in hand, answering the question in ease.

_Maybe you’re not bug after all, Gary. Maybe you’re not._

* * * * *

Roach gained his consciousness back slowly and woke up after a while. He stretched his joints and fluttered hi s eyes open, then realized that the room was lit bright. He checked his watched and saw it was just 0125 pm.

_W-what?_

He blinked his eyes in disbelief before he registered inside his mind that he just slept 3 or 4 hours. The young man sighed in frustration and placed a palm on his eyes. “Oh, why life is so unfair.” he mumbled under his breath. While closing his eyes, he realized that there wasn’t any sound from the television.

Roach withdraw his palm away and opened his eyes, making sure that the television was turned off. And yes there wasn’t any sound at all. He turned to his right and there he saw a big lump sitting on the floor and in front of him.

_Who the hecking fries is this?!_

The young man blinked thrice and realized it was his superior, Ghost. The latter was crouching on the coffee table, with scattered papers around, and seems to be snoring quietly. He was peacefully sleeping. The face of his superior was still covered by the balaclava and faced away from him.

As curious as Roach was, he slowly sat up, careful not to wake his superior, and stood up, tiptoeing towards the direction where his superior was facing.

_Oh, please, oh, please don’t wake up G-ghost._

The young man peeped and saw the closed eyes of his superior. _Oh, he’s white._ He bits his lips as he tried not to laugh about that. He glanced at the papers that were scattered on the table and took a piece of it, reading the questions one by one.

 _These are so easy._ he thought and smiled.

Roach looked back at his superior, who was so sleepy and frustrated about his work, and thought that maybe he can answer these paper works instead. And maybe Ghost will be happy about it. He sat on the floor and took the pen, answering the questions one by one.

He answered those quickly while glancing at his superior once in a while and making sure that the latter was still sleeping. In just a minute he finished six papers, full of words written on it and explained it in the essay-like way.

He answered the questions about the base and its condition, about the ammos and equipment, and the status of the soldiers and left the ones that were confidential to be answered by a sergeant. While writing the answer, he glanced at his superior and smiled that he saw the latter sleeping.

_Oh, Gary. This is just a dream._

* * * * *

Ghost woke up suddenly in an instinct for it was 0330–the time he trained himself to be awake for his job. He stretched himself and yawned still closing his eyes, then he remembered that he had paperwork to be finished.

 After that, he opened his eyes and was surprised about what he saw–the young man was sleeping on the table with a pen in his hand. He blinked about that and looked at the paper that was stacked neatly, indicating that most of it was finished and the other thin pile were empty.

The man stared at those blankly, dumbfounded that the young man finished most of his paperwork. He quietly took one paper and read it, and then he slightly parted his mouth in surprise.

_What the fuck… This is very good._

The answers were good, as what he said. The empty spaces were filled by astounding answers and explanations that were easy to understand. He looked at the stack of paper and he was sure that everything were answered and filled.

Ghost shifted his pale green eyes to the young man, who was sleeping peacefully like a kitten, and genuinely smiled **_for the first time._**

“Thanks bug” he mumbled and drew his hand to the young man’s hair, _softly stroking the golden locks of the latter’s._ “You’re not bug after all.”

* * * * *

Gary shifted his body to position himself comfortably and got the fluffy pillow beside him, squeezing it tightly. He felt the soft cushion surrounding him making him more comfy and the pillow that makes him relax, _yet it was unusually cold._

_W-wait. C-cushion?!_

The young man opened his eyes suddenly and sat up, looking at his surroundings. He realized that the table was empty and he was resting on the couch with his pillow. He searched for Ghost around the room but he was alone.

Roach shook his head about that and checked his watch and saw its 0543. He smiled that he slept for hours which was one of his petty goals in life. He stretched his body and then jolted up, walking out in the room with a pillow in his hand.

While walking through the halls, he saw that there were no persons hanging around. _Well that’s good._ Seconds after, he passed by the room of Ghost. He knew that the latter was the one who placed him on the couch.

_W-well, he should do that as a payback… r-right?_

After a moment, he remembered his phone that was still inside the room of his superior. He stopped his walking immediately and turned his head back to the room he passed by.

_You really need to get that p-phone Gary. T-that’s your half-life!_

He turned back in his way and dashed towards his room, determined that he can get his phone back without bothering his superior about his action. This time, he told himself not to bug Ghost out so that the latter will earn some trust on him.

 Roach arrived in his room in just seconds and went inside and threw his pillow on his bed. He ignored the scattered mess on his room and got his bag to look for some bobby pin from his sister. The thought made him frown but still went on searching. And after a while, he luckily found one.

Roach got up and went outside, walking back to Ghost’s room he just passed by. At this time, he was certain that no one was awake yet, but if the siren rang… Well, good luck to him. After a moment, he arrived outside his superior’s room and started pocking the pin inside the knob.

While he was so focused in the task in hand, he was interrupted by a voice behind him. “What are you doing?”

He jerked away in surprise and quickly hid the pin behind him and saw his Captain standing in front of him with an intimidating stance. “N-nothing, s-sir! I… um… just… Er, nothing.” he stammered nervously and bits his lips.

His Captain arched a brow and stared at him sternly, “And you think I’ll buy that?”

“N-no.” he stated and looked down embarrassingly, “U-uh… I missed this room, k-kind of.” he lied incoherently and prayed that his Captain will believe him.

“You missed your room or you missed Ghost?” the other man asked directly.

The young man looked up with a stun about what his Captain said, “M-m-missed Ghost? N-no. I don’t m-miss him o-of course.”

“Right.” he told him sarcastically, “If you’re snooping Ghost, well he’s inside my office, filing his reports. Too bad. You can’t hear him groan while jerking off.”

Roach widens his eyes and blushed immediately, “W-w-what?”

His Captain smirked playfully and chuckled, “I should go now then. You can sneak inside if you want. But if Ghost knows that you’re inside his room, well... You’re dead shit.” he casually said like it’s the most natural for him to say and walked away, leaving the young man stunned.

_What the… H-he knows?!_

Roach blinked and turned back to the task in hand, _Well, Captain isn’t bad after all._ He withdrew the bobby pin and started poking it inside the knob. After a while, the knob clicked and the door was unlocked, thanking God that he has some talents that gave him benefits.

He went inside the room quickly and silently closed the door. He started the search for his phone by carefully looking at the stuff and the edges. He tiptoed towards _his_ empty bed and checked it, but there was no sign of his phone.

He sighed in frustration and face palmed, trying to think of any other plan, _Think Gary, t-think._

While he was thinking what his next move is, the door knob clicked out of the blue, dropping a bombshell at the young man. He panicked at that moment and remembered what his Captain said, _‘But if Ghost knows that you’re inside his room, well… You’re dead shit.’_

He looked around the room and searched for the best hiding place, trembling slightly in fear for the door was creaking open. Then he saw the space that fits him under _his_ bed and crept under it quickly, pushing himself to hide in the little space.

Then just in time, Ghost walked in without knowing that his subordinate was inside his room. The latter squirmed when he felt a bulky thing prodding him below. He quietly gets it under his back and realized it was his phone and his headset.

_Oh thank God!_

Roach smiled gratefully about that but it was quickly faded for he had one problem to face, and it’s getting out of this room. He peeked under the bed and saw his superior holding _his_ clothes in his hands. He breathed in heavily and blushed a bit, _I-is he going t-to change his clothes?_

Then his eyes widened in surprise when Ghost took off his shirt, seeing his superior’s muscular (hot) sculpted body. He bits his lips and his cheeks warmed in an instant, _He’s so h-hot. Sooooooo hawwttttt… Stop it Gary!_ he scolded himself mentally.

The young man watched how Ghost’s body moved and those strong muscles shifted while changing his clothes. Then he was flustered by the sight when Ghost was pulling his pants off, turning his face into a bright coral pink.

He saw the other man’s legs and noticed the scars trailing everywhere, and the strong muscles that made Roach shiver underneath. He tried to close his eyes to end this uncomfortable moment, but part of him wants to watch the sexy show.

Roach trailed his blue orbs to the middle part of his superior, biting his lips in uneasiness and blushing harder. Out of the blue, Ghost grasped his boxers and pulled it down instantly, making the young man smack his hand on his mouth in shock.

The sight left him breathless in much daze, for he just witnessed his superior’s perfectly shaped ass with a tattoo above it which makes it hotter. He blushed ever harder when he saw the ass move in a way that made his heart beat so fast.

His surroundings became humid and hot, and felt that his member was getting hard. Roach felt very faint when Ghost bended over, revealing more of his buns towards the young man. Right now, the young man closed his eyes for he was weakened by the sight and the humid air which prevents him from breathing normally.

_Then he felt his body falling into a deep, dark void._

* * * * *

Roach opened his eyes suddenly and accidentally bumping himself on the bed above him, yelping in a bit pain because of the collision above. He realized he was still under the bed and he was covered by his sweat, but his superior wasn’t inside the room.

He quietly withdrew from where he was hiding and stood up, looking around. The room was lit faintly by the dim light that was coming from the curtains. He checked the watch and he was surprised that it was 0704.

The young man blinked as he tried to remember what happened after Ghost bended his ass out.

_I-I passed out?! For… an hour?!_

Roach looked back at the place where he hid and remembered the unforgettable and embarrassing sight he ever saw in his life. He shivered at that thought. But then, something caught his attention. He traced his eyes towards the closet and approached it quietly, realizing that the cabinet wasn’t locked.

_Curiosity kills a cat… But not everytime, r-right?_

The young man paused for a while, listening if there were footsteps coming to the room. Gladly, there wasn’t. So he carefully opened the cabinet and was welcomed by clothes that were neatly stacked. On the right, he saw some pictures and quickly snatched it and put it inside his pocket, not bothering to examine it first.

Then he heard footstep coming heading to Ghost’s room, making him rattle in fear. He quickly closed the closet and went back to his hiding place and waited for Ghost to come inside the room. Thankfully, the footsteps faded away and he went out quietly from his hiding place.

He walked towards the door silently, opened it slowly and peeked outside, making sure there wasn’t anyone hanging around. He breathed in relief when he saw the hallway was empty and went outside and closed the door.

The young man left the room as quickly as possible and zoomed through the hallway, praying that no one saw him going out of his superior’s room. He noticed that his boner calmed down after he passed out, then he breathed in _relief._

What he didn’t notice that he was walking too fast to know that he was about to bump someone. The sudden collision made him stumble on the ground and yelp softly because of the in his ass.

“What the hell Roach?” Ghost scowled angrily and sternly looked at the younger man.

Roach looked up and saw his superior, Ghost, and blushed immediately, “S-sorry…” he rose up timidly without a hand to help.

Ghost stared at him blankly without any remark given and walked away; leaving the young man’s blue orbs followed the shadow of his superior. Roach sighed about that and thought that maybe Ghost will never have a heart.

He fought about that topic mentally, scolded about his stupid assumes then declared his last conclusion: _D-don’t expect him to like you back or w-whatever you thought about h-him, Gary_

**_–because you know it will never happen._ **

The thought pinched his heart a bit, knowing that his superior will never ever have a space for the younger man to say in his heart. He closed his eyes and told himself mentally, _Why should you expect a person to love y-you?_

**_No one even loved you truly._ **

He departed the headquarters and jogged towards the main gate, for he needs a time alone to think. After a while, he exited the main gate and jogged away as quickly as he can. Even though the outside world was so foreign for him, he trusted his feet to where its going.

Later, he saw tree lines not too far away from the base and jogged towards there, slowing his pace as he was searching for a good spot to sit on. Not a moment or two, he found a perfect place to relax and think some time alone, and sat there trying to comfort himself.

  _The cool breeze of fresh air swept the meadows, warm rays of sun radiated from heaven, canopy of the leaves shaded below and the rustling sounds of it–a perfect weather for most. Yet he felt warm by the rays, there was an unusual cold feeling from him…_

**_No, the cold feeling was so usual for him._ **

The young man pulled his knees up to his chest then got the picture from his pocket which he stole from the cabinet. But much to his dismay, he realized that the picture was burned yet it was still intact with few details remaining.

He ran his fingers to the coarse and scorched part, looking at it carefully as if there was something kept hidden. And there he saw a hazed face that was destroyed by the flame; noticing the faint green eyes and the dark brown hair. _But the face was hidden for some reason._

 _I-Is this G-ghost?_ he asked himself with a surprise.

Roach tried to construct the face but it was like solving a puzzle with million cluttered pieces–trying to solve the impossible dilemma. He sighed in exhaustion and placed the photo back in his pocket carefully, recalling the drama he caused yesterday.

The young man remembered the foreign beating of his heart when Ghost carried him, the way he felt so secured when he was surrounded by his irrational fear, the odd feeling of thrill when they were dangerously close, the unusual feeling when he realized Ghost saved him… _And the way they looked eye to eye–beyond time._

The thought made his heart leaped in ecstasy, but was prevented immediately by the bitter fact that he was still hated by his superior. The way Ghost yelled at him and scolded him as if he was just nothing, the way his superior treated him so coldly, the way Ghost forced him to confess his unpleasant memory, and making the young man feel that he was just a useless shit.

 _I-I’m so dealing with a bipolar._ he thought sadly and encircled his arms around his legs, hugging it as if it was his pillow. _But why should I-I feel this w-way?_

 _Why would I-I feel this w-way? A-am I gay? N-no way…_ he asked himself once again and rested his head on his knees, closing his eyes. _Is this m-my fault?_

_…Or is it my heart’s fault?_

 

_I never wanted a life like this_

_I never wanted a gift like this_

_A gift that’s so useless to keep_

_A life that’s so hopeless like me._

_And I asked myself right now–_

_Why I fell? What did I feel, and how?_

_Or maybe I should ask first my heart,_

_But all I wanted is a new life, a new start._

“I hate this life…” he muttered softly and clenched his fists, as he remembered the tragedy his sister went through, “D-damn my family! Damn my life! D-damn me! Damn m-myself!!!” he shouted angrily and a tear fell from his eyes,

_But little did he know, he’s not the only one who’s been this down and damned. There are people out there who were suffering more than what Gary feel–someone who’s like Ghost._

* * * * *

Back in base, Captain Mactavish and the other soldiers were enjoying drinking cold beers in the mess hall in the morning. No one cared to mind other members of course, because _all_ of them were busy with their litres of cool beer and whiskeys.

While all of them enjoy their beverages, Ghost just sat at the corner–away from them–and watched the soldiers dancing on the table like jerks and drinking around.

He’s not the type of soldier who likes to drink lots of beer and whiskey, but whenever personal problem arises, that’s the time when he will drink alcohol and sleep all day. Or maybe kill himself. His Captain splashed the whiskey on their faces, others jumped and danced, some even sang.

They enjoyed the cool litres of beer and whiskeys on their faces, mouth, clothes and all over the mess hall. That’s why it’s called mess hall. Ghost noted that Roach wasn’t there. _Well, the kid is too innocent to drink beer and waste too much_ , he thought. An idea came to his head that he’ll be searching Roach than to sit around doing nothing.

Then, he can thank him about what he did last night but he’ll give him stupid orders after, and it could be fun besides drinking beers, at least. He stood up and started the search for the bug. He firstly looked in the common room to see if the young man is hanging around there. Or sleeping.

While looking around inside the common room, he saw the telly is turned on, the video game was paused, cards were scattered and beers too. But unfortunately, no one’s inside there. The next place he looked for is Roach’s room. He knocked and called “Roach? Are you in there?”

He waited and listened for any hint of sound inside the room, but there’s no answer. From where he was standing it felt like the room has always been empty–just like him. Ghost walked away for further more searching.

 _Well that’s odd_. He was sure the younger man was inside his room doing something to escape humiliation and orders. Next, Ghost went outside and looks for Roach at the pit, shooting range and everywhere he went but no one’s there. It’s empty.

 _Where could that bug went_? He sat on the wooden low bench with a narrow shade atop. The sun was covered with puffy clouds and the blue sky signifies a perfect weather for some. Not him. _Maybe that bug is hiding_ , he simply concluded.

While he was relaxing a bit from his search of the bug, he was alarmed by a loud siren just seconds passed. _The siren could possibly be a mission, operation, search-and-rescue or whatever_ , he thought irritably. The members–who were really drunk–were struggling to go outside sluggishly.

Ghost arrived quickly at the meeting room or briefing room outside. There were two meeting rooms; one was located inside the base which was the biggest and the most confidential place–so it’s a big deal– and the other was located outside.

He was waiting impatiently for the members to place their asses in this location. After minutes passed, he saw most of the lads were really, really drunk. Except for him and Captain Mactavish.

He looked at his Captain oddly because he remembered that Soap drank three or four beers and two whiskeys but wasn’t wasted at all. But for most of the boys, they were tired and sleepy to listen and others were fooling around. Ghost takes a seat near his Captain and away from the men. Ghost and his Captain glanced at each other. Well, gladly their mind was still working.

“So? What about the siren?” Ghost asked.

“A mission.”

“A mission ‘bout what?”

“Retrieve some ACS Module in Russian airbase and only two men are going there. By the way, where’s Roach.”

“Don’t know.”

“Well, I need him for the mission because these men here are drunk.”

“Then?”

“Then, you’re going to search for Roach.”

“What? Why won’t you? The fu–“

“That’s an order.” he cut off Ghost with a snappy tone. “The sooner you’ll find the bug. The better. Now, move!”

He just rolled his eyes irritably and stood up and walked away to search again the bug. Ghost started searching inside the barracks. And again, he went on Roach’s room, common room, mess hall and even the armoury. Negative. Next he headed to the other building, where there was located the main briefing room. Negative.

Then the third building where the petty military vehicles were located – like humvees, trucks to name the few. But there’s no Roach. He checked the other buildings but smaller in height, where the training courses were located. Much to his dismay, nobody’s around there. He checked the pit, the main shooting range, the training compound, landing area, and everywhere. Still negative.

The base was really huge so he wasted half an hour for finding Roach, but still the latter’s nowhere to be found. Ghost went back to the outdoor meeting room, where Soap was still in his paper work and reported that Roach wasn’t here.

“What? Did you really search everywhere?” his Captain grumbled and he looked up at Ghost who’s standing with his signature stance.

“Yes sir. I searched everywhere and I can’t find him.” he told him.

The Captain gave him a narrowed look. “Are you hiding him?”

 “What?”

“Are you hiding the kid? Maybe you are hiding him.”

”That’s stupid Soap.”

“Well, search him again. Now”

He sighed heavily in frustration. “But, Roach is not here.” he groaned.

“I said search again. That’s an order.”

He swore under his breath and turned around, walking away in annoyance and frustration. Did his Captain get the meaning and the sentence ‘Roach is not here’? That’s one of the most literally annoying attitudes of his Captain. _He’s dumb and bloody hard-headed for fuck’s sake!_

Ghost went back to the barracks and groaned in irritation, “Bloody cockroach is nowhere to be found!”

* * * * *

A strong gush of cold air made Roach awaken from his deep and dreamless sleep. He rubbed his eyes and stretched his joints, yawning softly as he opened his eyes. Roach looked around and found out that he was still outside the woods–away from the base.

 _W-woah, how long did I sleep?_ he asked himself, _W-well,_ _w-whatever_. Then he heard his stomach grumbled in hunger and felt his mouth was parched. _There must be a store somewhere here_ , he thought. Roach stood up and again stretched.

He searched for money inside his pocket and found some pounds. He smiled that he has money that was put aside and thankful at the same time. He walked away from his spot and departed the cool woods and arrived by the road.

The young man searched for any building or food stall or whatever that will content his grumbling stomach.

For now, he won’t to be back in base for some time because it is quite frustrating to be there. Roach takes a walk out the woods and arrived by the road, there he searches for any building in sight.  Not so far, he saw a big pink doughnut placed atop the roof. Doughnuts! My favourite! he shouted in joy mentally.

He walks there along the road and memorized his path. He might get lost here. After some time walking, he arrived inside the cool shop. He was welcomed by a sweet and pleasant smell of doughnuts.

“Hello Sir! Welcome to Pink Ribbon Doughnut shop!” a young lady greeted him with her warm smile on the counter.

He walked towards the counter and smiled back, “Um h-hello. I’m going to order two strawberry and chocolate filled doughnut and Bavarian filled doughnuts, please?” he said with his happiest tone while looking at the display of doughnuts in rows and rows of assorted flavours.

“Of course, my dear!” she replied with her accent and typed his orders on the computer.

The dear thing made him blush a little. No one ever said those nicknames to him (except his nickname, Roach). Ever. Not that he wants to be called those sappy nicknames, but still it made his heart jump a bit. _Oh how I wish someone will call those to me,_ he hoped dreamily. _S-snap out of it Gary!_

The young lady looked back at her costumer with her warm smile again. “How about beverages love? Like juices, shakes and so much more. And oh! There’s our new chocolate topped with vanilla ice-cream and marshmallows and other sweet tops! It’s a sweet dessert that you must try.” 

“Oh! Um, I’ll add that one too… Er, miss.” he said shyly.

The lady looked at him and giggled. “Aww, you look cute when you blush. And it’s Mary Rose.” she smiled and got their signature paper bag from behind.

Roach smiled awkwardly. “Um, thanks?” he replied while Mary Rose was placing the fresh doughnuts inside the paper bag.

  _Calm down Gary! Stop blushing!!!_ he scolded himself mentally.

“There should be someone who’ll fall for you entirely, deary. Especially that you are so, so cute!” she said with her ecstatic tone while she’s taking the last piece of doughnut.

Shocked about what Mary Rose said, his cheeks heated up and blushing into a coral pink. “U-um… I don’t know.” he muttered shyly and looked below. At least there are no other people hanging out here, or else everything will be so awkward.

Mary Rose stood up with the paper bag in hand and her curious look on her face. “What do you mean that you don’t know? Of course you do.” she chuckled and placed the bag on the counter. “Maybe some hot and handsome guys will love you and fall for you.” she stated happily and walked away to get his dessert, leaving Roach even more shocked and redder too.

_W-what?!!..._

_What did she just said? W-wait… W-what?!_

The lady came back with a cute cup on her hand and placed it on the counter, beside the paper bag full of doughnuts. “Here’s your order sir!” she looked on Roach–who’s blushing furiously–and grinned. “Aw… Someone’s a little guilty here. Don’t worry! I’ll keep the little secret!”

“W-what do you mean by that? I’m not gay.” he tried his best to retort but only managed it in his nice tone.

Mary Rose rested her chin on her hand and smiled. “Oh well. You don’t know, do you?”

 _A-alright, I’m getting more confused._ “I don’t understand.”

She titled her head sideways, still smiling warmly. “Well, someone’s always been one of my regular customers and has been fancying you ever since you came here. And that someone always… Um, caring for you I think?” she shook her head with a smile and looked on Roach who’s getting more and more confused. “You’ll find that out.”

 _Who? What? Where? When? and How? are my questions to this lady._ “I can’t understand.” he stated and got his orders from the counter.

“Oh soon you will understand. And I’m sure you’ll know who I’m referring to… Somehow.” her smile turned into a slight frown but came back again with her grin. “You should take your seat by the way dear. I’m so rude for letting you stand here with your orders in hand.”

Stunned and confused, he just complied what the lady said. “Er, yeah.”

Roach turned to see for better seats–away from this weird lady. A perfect spot attracted him where the seat was set to the corner with the beautiful view outspreading outside. He walked away awkwardly and then he heard Mary Rose saying, “Enjoy your snacks Gary!”

He froze immediately and widened his eyes in surprise, “Wait. You know my name… H-how?” he turned his head to see Mary Rose, who was smiling warmly.

“Hm? Oh. Someone told your name.” she giggled. “Just forget about it and enjoy your snacks.”

He shook his head and walked away with his quizzical look implanted on his face. There were so many questions inside him head because of this lady named Mary Rose.

  1. _Who’s that someone she’s referring to?_
  2. _What is her point?_
  3. _Where did that someone came from?_
  4. _How did she got my name?_
  5. _Slap myself because of my stupidity. Maybe my name is just a wild guess._



He takes his seat by the window and placed his chocolate-ice-cream (oh whatever it was called) on the table. Roach took the strawberry filled doughnut and took a timid bite, anxious if Mary Rose is stalking him on the counter.

The doughnut is really good. It was freshly baked and warm, with the strawberry dripping out from the doughnut. He quickly licked the strawberry filling that’s nearly falling out from it and it really, really sweet. Too much sugar isn’t good for the health, but good for the heart anyways, he thought.

Roach glanced on the counter and realized that the lady wasn’t there. He shrugged and munched the doughnut swiftly, afraid that the lady will stalk him while eating. It is just really weird and awkward if that will happen.

Glancing again at the counter, the lady wasn’t in sight. _Maybe she’s making doughnuts_ , he thought. He took another doughnut with chocolate filling inside. Chocolates are his number one favourite of all. Roach quickly ate the doughnut in just seconds and proceeded to his dessert.

The dessert makes his appetite whet; especially the top was decorated with lots of marshmallow, chocolate chips and sprinkles. And the ice-cream has caramel syrup too! He got the little spoon on and took a little part from the ice-cream and tasted it.

Okay, everything inside this store is really yummy and sweet! The dessert is so perfect that he can order even more. He took another and another portion until the ice-cream is nearly gone. When Roach took an amount from below, he was surprised that there are chocolate with oreo crumbles in it.

He smiled.

* * * * *

Roach was still enjoying his sweet treat in hand–eating his doughnuts and ordered even more–while looking at the view. The view was _so foreign, yet mesmerizing to gaze at._ He knew that Mary Rose was glancing or staring at him every once and then.

When he was about to take his last bite of his last sweet doughnut, the door clinked open suddenly. The young man peeped to see who the person was, and realized it was Ghost–searching for something. Gary was stunned, really stunned when he saw his superior here. Right here inside this sweet shop.

 _H-how did he know?_ he asked himself in shock.

“Hello Sir! Welcome again to Pink Ribbon Doughnut shop!” Mary Rose greeted with her signature smile.

_A-again? I’m really getting confused._

Ghost took no notice of the young lady in the counter instead he turned to Roach. His superior tensed his shoulders and stormed towards the younger man in fume. The latter froze in shock and stared at his superior.

Roach blinked thrice, “W-what are you doing h-here?”

His superior didn’t reply and stood in front of the young man with an intimidating stance, glowering at him as if daggers were thrown.

The latter shifted uncomfortably and asked again, “U-uh, w-what are you do–“

“Captain called. So get the fucking food and stand up.” he ordered angrily.

The younger man glanced at Mary Rose–who was quite shocked at the moment–and obeyed quickly what his superior commanded. When he was done, Ghost grasped the forearm of his subordinate and pulled him away.

Mary Rose stood in shock, “S-sir, don’t do any for–“

“Fuck off.” he retorted.

Ghost dragged Roach–who was struggling to maintain his balance–forcefully and exited the shop, leaving a shocking atmosphere behind. The superior gripped the bug even harder and pulled him harshly, even though they were outside.

“G-ghost, wait.” the young man stuttered, trying to free his forearm from the strong grasp of his superior.

The other man didn’t replied, still dragging Roach in a way that the latter nearly stumble.

The young man tried to halt his body but later dragged him forcefully, making him lurched awkwardly. “G-ghost, stop, it hurts.”  Roach mumbled as if he’s going to cry while trying to wriggle away.

Ghost clasped his forearm even harder then suddenly pulled him intensely, causing Roach to wince in pain and jolt towards his superior. “S-stop it.” the young man complained. But still the other man ignored him.

Roach held the hand of his superior, and tried pulling away from grasp to free himself. But his superior twisted his forearm which made the young man cringed and winced.

“S-stop it.”

Ghost ignored him.

“I-it hurts.”

Still his superior didn’t respond.

“G-ghost. Please.” Roach bits his lips when he felt his forearm was gripped even harder. “Please!” he whined and tried to pull away but he was received by a painful twist and grip in his arm. This time a tear fell from his right eye and cried, “S-stop! It really hurts!”

This time, Ghost lets go of him suddenly and turns to the young man with a surprise. Roach caressed his forearm that was redden by the strong grasp his superior, not looking at the latter. The tear that fell a while ago was followed by more tears flowing out.

Gary sniffed and mumbled, “W-we should go.”

When he was about to take one step, his superior stopped him by holding the forearm gently and drawing it towards him–scrutinizing it while stroking softly. The young man immediately froze in an instant, gazing at his superior–with a hint of regret in the latter’s eyes.

This time, he didn’t hear his heart thump loudly.

He felt that his heart **_skipped a beat._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehehe... Ahem. Ghost is really impossible and difficult to understand, right? Haha. Just wait for the next chapter.


	5. Firsts and Frostbite (Cliffhanger)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter ahead! This is a mission-chapter, chapter-mission whatever. But it doesn’t mean this chapter only consists of mission only. Um, I think the mission think is only an addition to this story. Haha. As always, happy reading!

Roach froze at where he stood and didn’t realize he was holding his breath when his superior caressed his forearm. His lips slightly parted in surprise and blankly stared at the other men while the latter was stroking the reddened part.

“U-Uh…” he tried to form correct words without stuttering, but all of the sudden, he felt a warm and fluffy feeling forming inside his chest.

And all of the sudden, his cheeks flushed when Ghost looked on him eye to eye.

_O-Oh, cotton c-candy s-sweet… O-oh m-my …_

He heard his heart beat skipped and thumped loudly, skipped and thumped loudly–a weird interval for his feeble heart to beat. The young man bits his lips in a nervous manner and shuddered when his superior leaned a bit closer.

“It wasn’t a bloody big deal.” he told him with his icy and bitter tone and released the forearm of the younger man without any hesitation. “You are just overreacting.” Ghost added with a glowering tone in his voice and turned around and walked away, leaving his subordinate to follow him.

_And leaving Roach mortified in embarrassment, surprise and a little twist of pain in his chest._

With a slight disappointment and embarrassment, he followed the trail of his superior with his feet that weighted ten times heavier than what he expected. As he pushed himself to walk behind his superior, he was tortured by bitter facts flowed from his brain.

_Why should you assume such things that were so far from reality? Ghost never cared for you despite the fact that he held your forearm, caressing it. Blah, whatever. Everything is just an act, Gary._

_Ghost. Was. Faking._

_He. Was. Freaking. Playing._

_He. Played. Your. Freaking. Feelings for goodness’ sake!_

_Maybe he will use you for his benefits or maybe a toy perhaps. Because why should he act seductively towards you?_

_And you let yourself lured into his trap?_

_What is this, 50 Shades of Grey?!_

Roach closed his eyes shut and softly groaned in irritation, smacking his palm on his forehead. The bitter facts were stopped immediately by his will, but the twisting pain inside his chest was still lingering. _Pain? Upset? Discontentment? Hurt? Frustration? Regret? Embarrassment?_

_Or is it my stupid presumes that pricked my p-pathetic heart?_

_Oh, this is just stupid Gary. D-don’t be like Anastasia in 50 Shades._

_Don’t you ever be that one of the bit–_

His thoughts were stopped when he was collided by a strong wall in front of him, making him stumble on the hard ground which caused him to wince painfully. The young man looked up and saw his superior, who’s glaring at him with his icy impression, and entered the border of the base without any remark.

Roach was left alone on the hard cement with a bombshell that dropped at him. _W-why was he so c-cold?_ he thought sadly and slowly stood up, brushing away some dust on his jeans. He entered the border of the base with a little bit of hesitation for he felt a strange feeling inside his gut–warning him like there’s going to happen. And it felt that it won’t be good.

It’s clear that Ghost wasn’t in his sight for the latter was… unpredictable and impossible. He shook that thought and walked through the base with his heavy body. _Ugh, w-why am I f-feeling weird?_ He sighed heavily about that pathetic thought and turned his eyes in his right, noticing that there were bunch of people in a certain spot not too far away.

His brows raised up in surprise then hiked towards there. As the location was getting nearer and nearer, he realized that the men–including some of his friends, Meat, Royce and Ozone–were really, really drunk.

He inhaled sharply as he looked at his surroundings, gross gooey liquids splattered everywhere, men were half-conscious, and the strong smell of alcohol suddenly made his stomach twirl in disgust. Then suddenly, he saw Ghost’s mask popping from the big tent, whatever that was called.

The young man was received by a grim stare from his superiors, making him shift uncomfortably. “Get your arse here. Right now.” his superior ordered him harshly then the mask vanished quickly.

Roach bits his lips and looked down on the pukes scattering on the floor. _For goodness’ sake Gary! T-that’s just a p-puke!_ he scolded himself and slapped mentally. He took a deep breath and proceeded, careful not to step on the disgusting liquids.

And after a while of avoiding the puke, he arrived outside the tent and peeked inside with his curiosity.

And he wished he hadn’t.

The young man saw his Captain glaring at him with his strict and ghastly expression, like he has been waiting for him for years, and Ghost who was looking at him blankly with his intimidating stance. Roach bits his lips and gulped hard, anxious about the killer atmosphere.

His Captain sharply signalled him to come in without any warm invitation, but the subordinate timidly complied with a little hesitation. Right when the young man was inside the tent, his Captain looked on his papers and asked sternly, “So, where did you went, Roach?”

The young man looked down and shifted his feet uncomfortably, “U-um… I…  B-breathed some f-fresh air o-outside…” he paused and tries to form correct words, but his Captain scared him with the latter’s dagger-like glance, “To spend time alone.” Roach blurted suddenly without thinking then smacked his hand on his mouth when he realized it was very, very stupid.

“To spend time alone? How funny.” his Captain laughed sullenly and glanced at his subordinate, “That’s so dramatic mate. How could you be so mushy shit all of the sudden? Spending time alone, leaving dramatically, having an epic scene on the road, crying and trembling and bullshit!” his Captain slammed the paper he has been handing and looked at his subordinate, who was really scared. “You’re a fucking soldier Gary Sanderson! You’re a grown ma–“

“Enough sir.” Ghost cut him off casually like it was so natural for him to do and glanced at the younger man, “Maybe he had problems that he needs to deal with. Let alone Roach figure that out.” the lieutenant told his Captain with no emotion in his voice and glanced again at his subordinate through his crimson shades.

_He tries to s-saved me?_

“Problems?” Soap asked his subordinates in a sarcastic way, “What are these problems, Roach? _Girl problem?_ ” his Captain looked at him sadistically.

 _Talking about girl problem._ “N-no… N-not like t-that… It’s just I–“

“If it’s not like that, then why did you change scenery? So you hate our base now?” his Captain asked coldly and looked back at the paper which he slammed a while ago. “If you want to leave, you can. I don’t want any daft dramatic soldiers around this base. And we don’t need one too. You can go inside your room and pack your things then leave.” Soap told him resentfully.

Roach bits his lips and gulped nervously, _N-no… I’m g-going back…_

“Uh, is that an order?” Ghost asked with an arched brow.

His Captain groaned irritably and turned to his lieutenant, “You two are bullshits!”

The lieutenant shrugged it off and glanced at Roach, “Fair enough.”

His Captain was going to open his mouth to scold or yell or whatever he was about to do with Ghost, when suddenly Roach piped in, “I-I’m sorry…” he muttered shyly and shifted his feet again.

Soap looked at his subordinate and sighed in irritation, “I don’t want to happen this again, Roach. Next time, ask permission if you’re going out. If this happens again, I’ll give a shit load in your face.” he scowled at Roach and went back looking on his papers.

 The young man glanced up, smiling slightly, and muttered, “Y-yes sir.”

Roach bits his lips again and glanced on Ghost nervously, realizing that the latter was staring at him the whole time. He quickly looked back again on his shoes in embarrassment and blush was spreading quickly on his face.

His Captain took the paper he was looking at and got some other papers from the other table then placed those on the table in front of Roach and Ghost. The young man tilted his head up in curiosity and there he saw graphs, maps, measurement, and a lot of words encrypted.

“Okay Roach. We will have an upcoming mission today. Your first mission I might say. We are going to a Russian airbase to retrieve an ACS module. This is a stealth mission and we, _just the two of us,_ are going there to complete the operation. No more soldiers to guard our arses so don’t screw up. While Ghost here.” he paused and glanced at his lieutenant. “Will watch these bloody drunk men and maybe wash those shite off. Just don’t get distracted and focus in the mission. Don’t you ever fucking screw up or we’ll die.” he told him sternly and looked at the younger man straight in the eyes.

Roach gulped nervously and replied, “Roger that sir.”

“We’ll be taking off at 9:00 pm. You can take a nap so that you won’t be sleepy in the mission. Afterwards you’ll gear up and wear appropriate clothes in cold weather conditions. This is your first mission in the Task Force 141. Do your job and don’t let me down. Be ready.”

The young man nodded in affirmation then afterwards he dismissed himself from the tent and headed back to the barracks. The thought about his _first ever_ mission in TF141 and it is a stealthy mission, shuddered him in nervousness.

 _T-this is w-what you want G-gary, right? S-so don’t s-screw up._ he told himself. _Don’t screw up._ he repeated it inside his head.

While walking through the hallway, he noticed that his surroundings were so dead silent. He only heard his footsteps tapping on the floor, echoing around the base. The silence still suffocated him, deafening his ear, so he quickened his pace in walking back to his room.

After a while, he arrived in his room and quickly dug his face on the comfy mattress. _T-this day is s-so complicated._ He turned his body around and looked at the white ceiling atop, looking at it blankly while thinking about what happened earlier.

Then the unforgettable sight pictured inside his head suddenly and it is Ghost’s ass. Roach adorably groaned in irritation and smacked his face using both of his hands while blushing furiously. _Why, why, why, why, why, why WHY?!_

 He regretted his decision sneaking inside his superior’s room, hiding under the bed, seeing… um, not-should-be seen parts, passing out, and getting the pic–

_The picture!_

He sat up suddenly and got the picture from his pocket then held up in front of him. _Green eyes and brown hair… What a s-shame, b-but still._ He placed the burnt picture beside him, looking at it as if he was trying to decipher the secret of it.

Then out of the blue, he remembered the journal he just bought one of the stalls in UK. He stood up and walked towards the cabinet, where his bag was placed there too, and got the journal inside the pocket of his bag and the pen too.

The journal was in dark brown tone and it was covered by pure leather to protect it from anything that can harm the pages. He rested back to his comfy bed and took the burnt picture beside it, carefully placing the photo in the last page of his journal.

Then he went back to the first page of his journal, thinking what he will write first. _Oh! It can be my… b-bio of some s-sort?_ He shrugged about it and started stroking his pen, writing the date above, his name and everything that defined the real him

After writing everything about him, he flipped another page and wrote the reason why he left the home and why should he and what was his life when staying there. The first page was written full of drama and angst of his past life, well, almost.

Then he filled everything, he turned another page and wrote the events that happened in sequence. When he arrived for the first time in base but was welcomed by a kick from Ghost, when his Captain signed him up. So to sum it up, _he wrote everything._

Then the moment of truth came–the page where he’ll write the incident inside the room of Ghost.

He bits his lips in embarrassment and the warmth of his cheeks was coming in, writing the first series of the, um… accident. He wrote there what he felt and what he saw. In the bottom part, he closed his eyes in embarrassment while sketching the ‘perfect ass he saw’.

_Why writing l-like these things are so u-uncomfortable?_

...

After hours of relaxing, calming, sleeping and eating, the young man geared up with such effort and got the silenced ACS gun from the armoury. Yes, he’s a soldier and all, but hey… he’s different. Then he took the heartbeat sensor and silencer and attached it in the gun.

He still felt drowsy after three hours of sleeping before his alarm woke him up. He almost forgot what his Captain told him in the tent. Almost.

Lazily he got magazines and placed it in the designated areas in his bullet-proof vest, and some grenades and flashbangs. After filling his vest with magazines, C4’s, flashbangs and grenades, he sat on the bench and he was sweating because of his thick jacket.

His camouflage winter jacket is really, really thick and it is good for winter, with his black scarf around his neck and same colour of the bonnet on his head. _W-wearing this in here i-is so awkward._ he awkwardly thought.

After making sure that everything’s complete, Roach stood up and went out in the armoury room, walking through the hallways and was received by ‘goodlucks’ from recovered soldiers. He smiled awkwardly in reply and said ‘thank you and goodbye’.

He grinned at the thought that he brought some of the packed doughnuts inside his bag and his journal to keep him from bore.

He knew the ride to Kazakhstan is way too long.

After he exited the base, he checked the time and saw it’s 2055. _Five m-minutes to go Gary… F-five minutes to g-go…_ Then he breathed in and out, trying to calm down his nerves because of his first ever mission in TF141. But he felt a little scared for the fact it’s a stealth mission.

And he’s not good in stealth. And he can die. _S-shut up G-gary! J-just don’t die!_

Then again, he was surrounded by darkness. He shivered in fear and his knees felt like jelly, praying that he won’t faint. _Oh come on G-gary! You’re afraid of the d-dark?! Y-you are a sol–_

His thoughts were cut off when suddenly Ghost popped out of the blue, making him jump away in surprise, “Captain is now getting impatient.” his superior told him with no emotion trailing.

 “U-um… Y-yeah, I’m g-going there…” he stuttered awkwardly and felt the weird feeling in his chest when he remembered the incident inside his superior’s room. _The perfectly shaped ass._

The young man stepped away from Ghost in embarrassment and felt his cheeks warming up again. When he was going to walk away, he was stopped by a strong grasp in his wrist. “He ordered me to take you there.”

Roach suddenly cringed away when he remembered what happened outside the base. _When he remembered his superior was treating him like a shit._ At that moment, the other man released his grasp, _looking at the young man with a hint of regret in his eyes._ “You can go there alone if you want.” he told him and turned around with his slumped shoulders.

When his superior was about to walk away, the young man clutched the shirt of his superior awkwardly, stopping Ghost from where he was going, “I-I… Um, y-you know I’m a-afraid of the d-dark, r-right? Uh, s-so… Please?” he begged softly as his cheeks warmed up.

Ghost turned his head to face his subordinate, “So you want me to carry you _again_?”

The young man widened his eyes in surprise and this time his cheeks flustered, “Uh, n-no. U-um, I… I j-just w-want you here… to…” he paused and looked away with his blushing cheeks. “Ijustwantyouheretobewithmeinthedark.” he told his superior in just one breath and his cheeks got redder.

His superior raised his brows in amusement, “You want me to be with you in the dark?” he asked, teasing his subordinate. “Specifically in the _dark_?” he asked one more time as he emphasized the word ‘dark’.

Roach stopped breathing and he blushed furiously, “N-no! No, no, n-not the d-dark. T-the dark i-it s-scares m-me s-so I just w-want y-y-you h-here to b–“

Out of the blue, Ghost quickly took the hand of the younger man and entwining it with his hand, holding it tightly. “Shut up and let’s go.” his superior told him… without any icy tone in his voice.

 The young man parted his lips in surprise when he felt Ghost’s hands holding… his. _T-this isn’t h-happening… T-this…. W-whaa….?!_ “G-ghost… Y-you do–“

“You don’t need to blush like that. Just hold my hand and let’s go.” Ghost turned to Roach’s direction and pulled him closer, making the young man stumble towards the strong chest of his superior. Roach awkwardly rested on the wall-like chest of Ghost, meeting the dark eyes of his superior.

Then the young man noticed how the balaclava twitched into… a smile? _A s-smile?!!!_

 “Well, you look like cute though.” Ghost complimented charmingly and drew his hands up to the flustered cheeks of the bug. “Do well in your mission and don’t screw up. If you’ll die…” he paused and stroked the tinted cheeks softly. “I won’t see that flustered cheeks of yours.”

Roach parted his lips in shock and surprise then his face turned quickly into a big tomato, shuddering as he felt the soft strokes on his cheeks. He was left so speechless after what his superior said and didn’t even remember that he needs to breathe.

“So let’s go.” Ghost told him softly and walked away with his subordinate in their entwined hands.

The young man followed him awkwardly with that fluffy and warm feeling forming inside his chest. He heard his heart beating again so loudly.

**_Thump._ **

_Again._

**_Thump._ **

_And again._

**_Thump._ **

_Here again._

He drew his hands up to his chest, feeling the odd and loud thump inside his chest. Then suddenly, he felt he can’t breathe. He was suffocated by the warm yet so _nice_ feeling that surrounded him. _“I can’t breathe.”_ he whispered under his breath.

_“I can’t breathe”_

Suddenly, Ghost turned around, unclasping the hands of the younger man. “What? You can’t breathe? Wait, did you tighten your vest so much that you can’t breathe? Let me check because you’re going to…”

While his superior was blabbering out his concern, Roach stared at him, looking at the other man and his silly actions while wondering that maybe… maybe Ghost isn’t bad at all. _Maybe he will have a chance after all._

 _“G-ghost...”_ he whispered so softly.

Ghost didn’t hear his all too soft whisper because he was so concentrated in checking the bug’s equipments and all. The young man moved his blue orbs at the hovering hand of Ghost, drawing his towards those warm hands and slowly holding it.

His superior tensed his shoulders in surprise and looked up at the younger man, who’s slowly entwining their hands. “L-let’s go…” Roach smiled warmly at his superior, slowly pulling him up as an indication. “T-thanks…”

Ghost stared at him blankly before standing up then proceeded in walking. They walked in silence, but it wasn’t awkward as what he always felt. The silence was so comforting and contenting, letting his heart to speak up by the loud thumps inside his chest.

Roach drew his eyes at their entwined hands then gulped and blinked and blushed… in happiness. _H-happiness?_   _No way. N-noooo way._ The warmth from Ghost’s hand was so comforting–the feeling was so foreign… yet it was so contenting.

The young man licked his lips and even trembled slightly when a silly realization kicked in, _T-this is my first t-time when I h-held hands w-with… someone…_

_Oh, t-this isn’t h-happening…_

“You okay back there Roach? You seem to tremble.” Ghost asked all of the sudden as he slightly squeezed the soft hands of the bug.

Roach briefly glanced up at his superior and stared at him blankly with so many thoughts inside his head. “U-um…” he paused and looked away, blushing a bit, “G-ghost… U-uh…”

“Hm?” Ghost hummed, assuring his subordinate to go on.

The young man bits his lips nervously, “G-ghost, w-why s-should you… H-hold m-me t-this w-w-way.” he stuttered softly, getting every sentence quieter and quieter.

Then he closed his eyes shut, afraid that his superior might turn again into an icy and bitter cold side. But instead he was received by a gushy reply, “Because I want to hold you.” Ghost simply told him casually, yet charmingly, “Uh, are you uncomfortable with it?” his superior asked and glanced at his direction.

The question made Roach stun, “W-what? N-no. N-n-no… U-um, it’s j-just…” he paused and looked away, “I-it’s m-my f-f-first.”

Right when the last words escaped from his lips, he smacked his mouth in horror and embarrassment as he blushed furiously. _W-what t-the h-h-h-heck???!!!_

His superior glanced at his direction with his silly smirk behind his balaclava, “ _You’re comfortable with it?”_ he asked teasingly, “ _Your first? Well, I’ll be willing to be your first, **love**_.”

  _L-l-l-l-l-love?????!!!_ And right then, he stopped _breathing_ , his heart stopped _beating_ , the clock slowed _ticking_ , and everything seemed to be _blurring_. And all he can see was him and Ghost. Holding hands. In the dark. Calling him love.

_For the first time._

_G-g-ghost c-called me l-l-love._

**_Love!_ **

But his sweet thoughts were cut off when he felt Ghost releasing his hold in his hand, feeling cold in a sudden. Roach looked up in a bit of disappointment but then he realized they were at the landing area. He briefly glanced at his superior timidly, noticing that Ghost has been staring at him with his blank emotion. “Captain’s waiting. Good luck for your _first_ mission.”

Roach nodded and smiled awkwardly at his superior and walked away, towards the helicopter that was waiting for him. He saw his Captain standing beside the Chinook, waiting for him. Seconds after, he arrived there. “Ready Roach?”

“Y-yes sir.”

His Captain smirked smugly, “ _Sure_. With your red face, you are more than ready. Now get in.”

The younger man sharply inhaled in surprise and drew his hand on his cheek tinted cheeks, touching it softly. _Oh m-my…_

Then the two of them went inside the helicopter and took a seat across from his Captain, away from him a bit. The chopper started the engine for takeoff and he felt like the helicopter will fall apart. Seriously, it’s vibrating violently.

The young man breathed in and out heavily, not because of the upcoming mission but because of what just happened between them. Well, not really, but calling him love is _something_. He bits his lips and looked outside the chopper; particularly he was looking at Ghost.

The other man was outside with his usual stance, looking at Roach too while waiting for the chopper to fly. _O-okay R-roach. E-english men u-uses t-those sappy nicknames e-everytime… S-so it’s not s-special._

_But still._

The young man gave Ghost a smile, _a genuine non-awkward smile,_ with a timid wave of his hand indicating a good-bye. He didn’t expect for any reply from his superior of course, so he stared at Ghost until the opening in the chopper was closing.

But he didn’t expected what was coming. Right when the opening was halfway in closing the chopper, he saw a glance of Ghost who was taking off his mask. _Taking off his w-what?!!!_ With a shout saying, “Good luck, love!”

_L-l-l-l-l-love!!!??_

Roach wanted to reply back with some sappy nicknames too, he wanted to stand up to see the face of Ghost, he wanted to say _I really like you_ but much to his dismay, there was a lump inside his throat that prevented him to speak, he was planted on the seat in surprise and daze, the flap of the Chinook closed right at his face and then the stupid realization came, _I-I l-l-like G-ghost?!_

_No way. N-no way. N-n-n-no waaay…_

_‘. . .’_

_A-am I in t-the stage of denial!?_

The young man blushed furiously then smacked his mouth by his hand in horror, hearing his heart thumping so loud again. _T-this can’t be h-happeni–_

“He called you love. Oh, that’s so sweet.” His Captain said mockingly while smugly smirking across him. “Didn’t know Ghost is a gushy shit. After all, he called you love.”

Roach turned to his Captain with widened eyes in surprise, unclasping his hand on his mouth and said, “N-n-n-no! U-um t-that’s what E-english men d-do right? S-saying s-sappy n-nicknames at h-his mate a-and all. I-It’s just f-funny… Haha… Ha…”

_Oh God, I-I’m so stupid._

“Not all the time.”

Then the Chinook lifted suddenly, making Roach jump in surprise. He gripped the seat and closed his eyes shut, for the helicopter rattled violently. He wished Ghost was here by his side. _I w-w-wished w-what?! N-nooo, n-nuuuuu!_

Moments after everything was settled, Roach released his gripping and relaxed a bit, breathing in and out heavily. Riding a helicopter and taking off isn’t easy than you imagine. Then he heard his Captain chuckled across him, “You’re so pansy mate! Can’t even imagine that a grown man like you would be so jumpy!” he commented and followed again by a chuckle.

“H-hey! I-It’s like t-the chopper is f-falling. T-that’s why I’m s-scared.” the young man protested and crossed his arms in defense, but the action made the other man laugh even more.

“Scared? Please. You’re a soldier mate!”

“Y-yes I am sir. I’m a s-soldier.” he stated firmly and imitated Ghost’s stance but unfortunately, he was received by another laugh.

The young man blushed in embarrassment and looked away, trying to ignore his Captain by thinking about what happened earlier. More likely, he was thinking about Ghost. _W-why w-was he acting like that? W-what did he ate earlier?_

_Maybe s-some crap of some sort._

Roach closed his eyes and massaged his temples in frustration, _Why would he act like that? Why would he act like that?_ _Why would he act like that?_ he kept asking himself, trying to obtain a reasonable answer that can be solved by his brain.

_Maybe he’s seducing you, Gary._

_He’s going to lure you._

_And he will trap you._

_And he will use you._

_And he will li–_

**_S-stop!_ **

He slapped his brain mentally because of its stupidness. _G-ghost isn’t like that._ he scolded his brain. He sighed in frustration as he tried to forget what he thought, still closing his eyes and massaging his temples.

“You don’t need to fuss about it.” his Captain told him out of the blue, cutting off his self-meditation.

The young man opened his eyes and looked at his Captain quizzically, tilting his head a bit, “U-um. Fuss a-about what?”

“About Ghost.”

The moment when he heard that name, he blushed immediately and looked away, “N-no. I-m not.” he protested shyly while adorably pouting.

His Captain shrugged, “Keep that to yourself kid. I’m going to sleep.”

Roach glanced at his superior, who’s making himself comfortable on his seat, then looked away, “O-okay. Night.”

His Captain grunted in reply and closed his eyes. The young man bits his lips and looked on the blank metal wall in front of him, and again he was thinking what happened earlier. He was thinking about Ghost and him. Just the two of them. In the dark. Holding hands.

He drew his left hand and caressed the other hand, the hand which Ghost held so tightly, trying to feel again the warmth of his superior’s hand. The warmth was a foreign feeling but still, it was so comforting and so contenting. It really feels like hot chocolate with a lot of marshmallow floating. So sweet and warm.

And the sappy nicknames which he dreamed of when he was inside the donut shop. Ghost granted that wish by calling him love. The thought made him blush out of the blue; well it’s a blush-worthy moment anyways.

 _Love._ He called him love twice. He held his hand for the first time. No… It’s like every moment that happened between him and Ghost, bitter or sweet, were his first time. Everything happened for the first time in his life.

And Ghost will be willing to be _his_ first every once in a while.

He closed his eyes as he tried to imagine the warm hand of Ghost entwining his, just the two of them in the dark. The feeling was so foreign, so strange and so odd, yet it seems to be… nice. _Yeah, n-nice._ The feeling of his heart beating so fast and loud was so nice.

_Everything feels so nice._

The young man opened his eyes to search for his journal somewhere inside his pockets. He needs to write these confusing feelings from his head… Wait, scratch that. He needs to write these confusing feelings from his chest. That’s better.

He took his journal and a pen from his pocket in his jeans and flipped the pages. When he arrived at the blank page of his journal, he started writing of the bitter-sweet episodes inside his head. Then what he felt and how Ghost acted towards him.

_E-even writing these s-stuffs are so confusing._

After writing those confusing stuff, he proceeded to the next sappy moment in his life–when Ghost held his hand for the first time.

And the young man smiled.

...

Hours later, he got sleepy and drifted away, and again he went back in the dark and empty void. He didn’t dream of any nightmares or anything that makes him run in fear, instead he was inside a familiar room.

And he saw a familiar person in front of him–turns out it was Ghost.

The young man blinked in disbelief and looked in his surroundings, realizing that he was inside of Ghost’s room, on the bed with his topless superior above him. He was suffocated by the intense warmth of the other man and the weight crushing him.

_‘G-g-g-ghost?!’_

_‘Hey love.’_

Roach blushed even more when he heard the sappy nickname, but out of the blue, he felt foreign hand creeping between his thighs. He yelped in surprise and then he heard his pants were being unzipped by his superior.

_‘Relax. Just breathe.’_

The young man’s face paled in fear as he tried to squirm away from the other man’s heavy body. He was panicking inside that he even forgot how to breathe. _G-ghost will r-r-r-rape meeeeee!!!!_ He tried to shout ‘help’ or shout at his superior that this action was abusive.

_H-help  m–_

Suddenly, he felt warm hands inside his jeans, stroking his member in a seduced manner. Roach yelped in surprise then his cheeks flushed and trembled when he felt the shocking feeling below, arching his neck because of amazing feeling below. _A-amazing?!_

_‘Your moans make me turn on’_

_M-m-m-my whuuuutt?!!!_

Ghost was about to lean forward when his Captain woke him up from his nightmare by a loud shout.

“Roach! Hey Roach! Wake up!”

“S-stop!!!”

Roach gasped in surprise and looked up at his Captain, who was looking at him confusedly. He noticed that he was breathing heavily and felt that he was a bit hard. He shook his head and closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. _I-It’s just a d-d-ream._

“Hey Roach. We are going to land after a moment. So check your equipments there.” his Captain commanded him.

The young man opened his eyes and nodded briefly, “Yes sir.”

Roach stood up and checked his equipments one by one. He checked the silencer and his gun, his magazines, equipments and all. He positioned his tactical knife and his two handguns, G18 and USP. 45, placing those in their designated places.

All in all, he checked everything and everything was ready to go. He noticed that the temperature inside the chopper was colder after hours. He rubbed his hands for warmth and breathed, then he realized, _I-I-I didn’t b-brought any gloves!_

Roach paled in terror and looked at his bare hands, fearing that he will have a nasty frostbite and his hand will be rotten perhaps. His hands trembled a bit as if they were scared like what the young man felt right now.

_I just w-wished Ghost’s h-hand will heat m-mine…_

_S-snap out of it G-gary!_

His Captain glanced at his direction while rechecking his equipments, “Wear your gloves Roach. The temperature is very low there and you can freeze.”

Roach gulped and inhaled sharply, “U-um… About t-those gloves…” he paused and closed his eyes. “IlefttheglovesI’msorry.” he admitted in just one breathe, waiting for his Captain to fume.

“You what?” Soap turned around and looked at his sergeant sternly. “You must be kidding me. I informed you that you need to  wear appropriate clothes for freezing weather. And right now you didn’t bring any gloves?! What the hell Roach?!!” his Captain scolded him loudly, making the young man flinch away in a bit fear.

Roach looked down at his combat boots embarrassingly for his Captain just scolded him. Again. And inside the Chinook. He knew that the pilots heard the commotion that was happening behind. _Yup. W-what a good way to s-start your m-mission._

Soap sighed and got his extra pair of gloves from his bad then handed it to his subordinate. “Here, kid. These gloves aren’t really for combat. But it’ll work though.”

The young man timidly tilted his head up and saw the gloves that were offered by his Captain. He slightly smiled and took the gloves shyly, “T-thanks sir.”

“Save your thanks. But next time, don’t forget your gloves. God Roach!”

Roach smiled as a reply and wore the gloves. Well, the gloves aren’t thick like combat gloves. But oh well, the gloves can protect his hands from freezing for some time. The gloves weren’t that warm like Ghost’s hand.

_S-stop it G-gary! F-focus on the mission!_

The young man rechecked everything briefly, making sure that everything is in the right place and ready. Then he wore his goggles and mask that conceals his nose and mouth from any foreign objects and got the ice-axe beside him.

 _“3 minutes before extracting.”_ the pilot informed them through the comms.

Roach felt a bit jumpy all of the sudden after the pilot informed them. _J-just three minutes G-gary. T-three minutes._ He got the parachute and positioned it in the right place, checking everything and rechecking everything as usual.

He glanced at his Captain and saw that the latter was so confident and all, while he found himself jumpy and nervous in the upcoming mission. Well, it was his first mission after all. The thrill that was forming inside made him brief a prayer under his breath, trying to calm his nerves and his nervousness.

Then he stood beside his Captain while clutching the lever of his parachute, grasping it hard to calm himself. The two of them were just waiting for the signal to jump. Any minute now, Roach will be forced to jump at the freezing temperature outside.

And right after, he saw that the door outside opened with a voice of the pilot saying, _“Good luck guys!”_

The young man took a brief sharp intake of breath then they jumped outside. While he was on the air, Roach felt the chilly air stinging on his face, making his cheeks flush. After his Captain pulled his chute, he pulled his and hoped that it will pop up. And glad

Then, the two of them jumped outside. As he’s on air, Roach can feel the freezing air rushing on his body. After his Captain pulled his chute, he pulls his and hopes it will pop up. And it did. At least his chute didn’t mess up.

Moments after they glided in the air, they landed at the snow plain with a huge ice mountain in front of them. The young man blinked as he tried to perceive at the top of the mountain. He never expect that the mountain will be this high.

He heard someone jogged behind him and he turned around to see who it was, finding out it was his Captain. “Get your ice-axe and start climbing.” Soap commanded as he got his ice-axe from behind. Roach blinked but still obeyed his Captain.

He took his ice-axe from his back hesitatingly for he don’t know how to _ice_ mountain climbing. Well, he knows how to mountain climbing, but ice? That’s another story. The young man looked up at his Captain as he observed the latter how to climb before he will proceed.

His Captain briefly glanced at him then shouted, “Oi Roach! We have a mission to do! So get your arse up here now!”

“Uh… I-I don’t know, s-sir.”

“God Roach! Just put your fucking ice-pick on the ice and your spiky boots too! Then start climbing!” his Captain yelled in irritation.

Roach blinked then looked on his ice-axe, “U-um… okay.”

The young man rubbed his hands to get warmth before getting into action. After that, he stabbed his ice axe and his spiked boots and attempted to climb. At first, he found it hard to climb as he slipped and slipped on the ice.

But as he tried for many times, the young man got it right. The tempo should be correct in climbing, alternating the left and right axe while he tried to stab the ice _hardly_. But still, he was two meters from the ground so it’s kind of rewarding for his first time climbing on the mountain ice.

Of course, rewarding it is because he needed to deal with his body weight that was two times heavier than his normal weight, lifting himself up using the strength of his hands and feet by ice-axes and spiked boots. Gravity has been quite helping him in his mission.

While he was struggling not to fall from the icy mountain, he was praying–absolutely praying–to God not to fall or die in this cold icy place and even wished that he can die in a genuine place, like the cemetery. And of course, he prayed that his mission will be over so that he can be with Ghost. All day long.

_W-what?!!! N-no. S-stop it G-gary!_

His cheeks were flushed because of the drop temperature and his hands became chilly, shivering in the cold atmosphere stinging him. The young man realized that he was halfway through, and he was really thankful about it.

He looked up and saw his Captain was finished climbing, while he was still halfway. Right now, he was determined to finish this just to relax up there and warm his hands so he quickened his pace. A bit.

Not too long, he made his way on the edge of the cliff while breathing heavily.

His Captain glanced at him with a smirk, “So this is the first time you climbed an ice-cliff. That’s funny.”

“I-It’s not… It’s s-so frustrating.” the young man adorably grumbled as he mimicked the position of his Captain.

Roach rubbed his cold hands and breathed into it for a couple of times, giving it a bit of warmth. He glanced at his Captain and saw the latter holding a pack of cigarette in his hand, got one of the cigars, lit it and inhaled the smoke.

The subordinate blinked and looked away as he tried not to inhale the unpleasant smoke poisoning his lungs. He looked at the white and cold view in front of him and slightly smiled that _it was his first time to try all of this craziness._

“Want some?” his Captain asked all of the sudden.

The young man turned around with a quizzical look on his face then realized that his Captain was offering him to smoke. Roach blinked and looked up to his Captain while slightly waving his hand dismissively, “U-um… I d-don’t s-smoke.”

“You don’t smoke?” Soap asked again in disbelief and surprise, looking at the younger man sceptically.

Roach bits his lips, “U-um no… I don’t l-like to…”

His Captain raised his brows in amusement while putting the cigarette back to its place. “Oh, yeah you’re a kid of course.” he chuckled after he placed the pack and turned to his subordinate. “You are the very first soldier I know who doesn’t like smoke. An innocent soldier I should say.” he smirked and inhaled again the smoke.

Roach smiled sheepishly and blushed a bit about that compliment. He turned away from his Captain and glanced at the scenery below. Suddenly, Roach felt dizzy and anxious so he tilted his head upward, trying not to look below and not to faint.

**Mission 1 (Cliffhanger) - 07:35:55**

**Sgt. Gary ‘Roach’ Sanderson**

**Task Force 141**

**Tian Shan Range, Kazakhstan**

 

While Roach was trying to calm himself down, a MiG-29 flew over their heads which made the ice shook like it was going to collapse into pieces. Roach nearly fainted in fright and surprise on the edge of the ice mountain. Nearly fainted.

He noticed his Captain inhaled the smoke one last time and threw the cigar away then looked at him. “Break’s over Roach, let’s go.” he declared and stood up, carefully taking steps on the ice edge.

The young man blinked then nodded his head in affirmation. He rubbed his hands and breathed into it for more warmth then stood up, imitating the actions of his Captain. He carefully stepped on the ice edge while concentrating his sight to the bonnet of his Captain.

He breathed in and out heavily, trying himself to be calm at the edge of the slippery icy cliff. How fun. He hoped that there won’t be any MiG-29 that will fly over their head or else he will slip down, falling to his death.

His Captain suddenly stopped walking, making the young man awkwardly stop too. The other man looked at him and said, “Stay here and spot me. Wait for my go.”

Roach nodded his head in reply and observed his Captain. The latter got the ice-axe and started stabbing the ice and climbed up. Moments after, his Captain was above him with a big gap that was enough for Roach to climb below.

 “All right. The ice is good. Follow me.” the other man said then continued climbing.

The young man hesitatingly got his ice-axe from his back and started stabbing, climbing up. And again, he needed to deal with the aching two times weight of his. He quickened his pace so that he can finish this immediately.

Not too long, the two of them were halfway through. Roach smiled about that and thanked God that the ice-mountain they were climbing wasn’t quite high; not like the other one that he struggled so much after they landed.

Roach saw the good view of his Captain’s ass above then blushed when a silly memory came inside his head–Ghost’s perfectly shaped ass. While he was trying to erase the thought inside his head, a MiG-29 flew above their heads again, shaking the ice violently.

“Oh, l-loaf!” the young man adorably cursed his own expression under his breath as his adrenaline started to rise when he saw his Captain was falling.

And at the very moment, the other man quickly jabbed the ice, saving their lives. The young man breathed shallow in nervousness and fright, then quickly calmed himself and continued to climb. He was thankful that his Captain didn’t fall, or else the latter will land on Roach and both of them will fall.

 _G-gary! S-stop t-thinking about n-negative thoughts!_ he scolded himself.

He continued to climb in his rather fast pace, even though the oxygen was low for they were now getting into a higher place. The young man struggled to lift his body while gasping for air at the cold mountain edge.

Not so long, the two of them finished climbing and they were on the top of the mountain. The young man breathed heavily and even wince for the cold air stung his lungs. He heard his Captain snicker not so far from him.

Roach looked up and noticed there was a gap on his side. He turned to the gap then blinked, hoping that they won’t jump for he knows he have short legs and limitations. _N-no, p-pleaseeeee_

“Good luck mate. I’ll see you on the far sight.” his Captain declared suddenly, snapping his thoughts off.

The young man blinked and tilted his head confusedly, “W-what?”

Then out of thee blue, his Captain sprinted towards the other cliff and jumped. Roach opened his mouth in shock as he walked towards the cliff, praying that his Captain survived the jump. And gladly, the latter did. The other man waved as a signal for his subordinate to do the same stunt.

Roach blinked and paled as he stared at the big gap spacing between him and his Captain. Or it might be spacing between life and death. His knees felt jelly and his heart started to thump loudly in nervousness and fright. One way or another, he needs to jump.

The young man walked back while taking heavy breathes to calm himself. When he reached the place where he will sprint and jump and die or be alive, he closed his eyes and imagined the good things in life–chocolates, sweets, ice-cream, strawberries and Ghost.

_G-ghost?!!_

He slapped himself mentally then opened his eyes, sprinting towards the cliff with determination that he can survive. He will survive. The young man jumped but he suddenly realized it wasn’t enough. He didn’t jab the ice hard enough to save him from his death.

The young man began sliding below, trying to find a way to jab the ice or something. Then his adrenaline started to rise again and his heart beat thumped so loudly inside his chest, as he felt fear haunting him inside his head.

His left axe didn’t gripped hard on the ice so it dropped, making some ice to fall down. Roach paled at the brief sight of the ice falling down then he turned to the one ice pick that stopped his fall. He gripped hard into it for his life depended in it, but he realized the ice was now breaking.

Roach panicked in fear, anxious, horror, dread and so many feelings that he can’t enumerate. He felt so scared that he might lose his life and he was so scared that he can’t see Ghost. Ghost won’t see his flustered cheeks if he’ll die right here.

_No. Not now._

_He doesn’t want to die._

“H-help!” he croaked out with a tear falling from his eye.

“Hold on! Don’t let go!” his Captain shouted with a bit fear in his tone.

The young man was slipping to his death, “I-I w-won’t!” he managed to shout while he was trying his hardest not to fall.

_Yet he fell but he was caught._

And right before he will fall to his heath, his Captain immediately grabbed his right arm, saving him from the bitter fall below. Roach breathed shallow while looking at his Captain in dazed and shock, feeling his heart beating so fast.

The other man strongly pulled him up and now, he forcefully smacked his ice-axe on the cliff to make sure he won’t slide anymore. He was above his Captain, blushing for the fact that his ass was on view. Anyways, he climbed up in his quick pace and stabbed the axe with more force so that he won’t slide down again.

After some time in climbing, he was the first one who made to the top and he was very thankful that his Captain pulled him up. He breathed heavily and rubbed his hands, breathing it in to get more warmth. The other man got himself up after a while and relaxed a bit before commanding Roach to pull up his gun.

His subordinate complied and pulled his ACR with Red Dot sight and heart beat sensor from his back, making his gun ready for stealth. He waited for his Captain to move first for he didn’t know the directions here in Kazakhstan. He only knew where the E.Z. was.

_“Roach check your heartbeat sensor.”_

He flipped the heartbeat sensor in his ACR and it started to beep.

_“You should be able to see me on the scope. That blue dot is me. Any unrecognized contacts will show up as white dots.”_

_“Roger that.”_

They continued to walk towards the Russian base quietly, while Roach was praying there were no any boggy traps hiding. After a while, they saw two men patrols up ahead.

_“Roach, these muppets have no idea we’re here. Let’s take this nice and slow. You take the one on the left. On three. One… Two… Three…”_

 He pulled the trigger and shot the left man patrol while his Captain shot the other.

_“Nicely done.”_

As they cleared out the way, Roach saw the AUG HBAR with red dot sight on the ground which happened to be one of his favourite guns. He swapped it with his USP.45 handgun.

 _“Be careful about picking up enemy weapons, Roach. Any unsuppressed firearms will attract their attention.”_ his Captain warned him.

_“Yes sir.”_

By that warning, he got his secondary weapon back and left the AUG HBAR beside the dead enemy. He needed to finish this mission without any, um, obstructing on his way. Later, the two men were close enough to the hostile base then they saw another two

He doesn’t want to fail his first mission with his Captain.  When the two of them are close enough to the base, they are another 2-men patrol.

_“Same plan. On three… One… Two…”_

But this time, Roach shot the two enemies quickly and carefully, ignoring his Captain’s countdown. He smiled sheepishly under his mask and glanced at his Captain, who casually shrugged about it. They proceeded to walk towards the base quietly.

Not for long, the snow and the icy wind became stronger.

_“The storm’s brewing up.”_

The young man bits his lips and looked at his shivering hands, “N-nm… W-why?” he muttered softly.

_“Let’s split up. I’ll use the thermal scope and provide overwatch from this ridge.”_

“N-nu…!”

He looked at his Captain who walked away to go to his position at the snow ridge, leaving the young man nervous about everything. He closed his eyes and opened it back, entering the base in silent and stealth.

He was the one who needs to do what his Captain ordered him to do. He sighed about that thought.

_“Use the cover of the storm to enter the base. You’ll be a ghost in this blizzard, so the guards won’t see you until you’re very close.”_

_“R-roger that.”_

_“Keep an eye on your heartbeat sensor, good luck..”_

Roach somewhat tiptoed towards an enemy car and crouched behind it, briefly praying under his breath. He glanced at the heartbeat sensor and he saw some white dots around him, which made him shake in fear.

The young man inhaled sharply and closed his eyes, breathing out in as he tried to relax himself. He heard the dots beeping in his ears while he attempted to compose himself, he needed to act like a ghost through this blizzard.

_T-then why Ghost i-isn’t the one here i-in this m-mission?_

_T-that’s just s-stupid._

He sighed and opened his eyes, rubbing his somewhat numb hands for warmth and breathed into it. After that, he stood up slowly and pulled up the ACR and aimed the enemy in front of him. When he was about to shoot the hostile, his Captain interrupted him.

_“He’s mine.”_

In a blink of an eye, the enemy was shot down dead by his Captain. He shrugged about it and continued to walk towards the strange building when he was suddenly shook when he saw an enemy at his right that’s patrolling.

 _“He’s mine too.”_ his Captain abruptly informed him.

Then a bullet was shot out of the blue, killing the enemy at his sight. Roach sharply inhaled in surprise and proceeded to walk towards the small building. He sprinted inside and he was immediately stopped when he saw a guard sitting next to the door.

He took his secondary weapon, which are silenced USP. 45 and a tactical knife. The young man tiptoed quietly towards the enemy and stabbed the latter behind, killing it on the spot. Then heplacced his secondary weapon back to its place and pulled his ACR in his hands.

_“All right, I’ve tapped into their comms. Head southeast and plant your C4 at the fueling station. We may to go to Plan B if things go south.”_

_“G-got it.”_

After that, the young man sneaked outside then he saw the heartbeat sensor received white dots coming in his way. He nervously ignored it and focused back to his objective–finish the mission as soon as possible because his hands were shivering.

Roach quietly rushed towards the runway in determination to finish this freaking mission. And right before he was going to cross the runway, his Captain warned him suddenly which caused him to awkwardly stop in his track.

_“There’s a truck coming! Stay out of sight.”_

“C-chocolates!”

He quickly sprinted back to the building where he came from then discovered a nice hiding place behind the other building. He turned his body to the hiding place he noticed and crouched, searching for the fueling station. 

_“Roach, the fueling station is near the northeast corner of the runway.”_

The young man blinked about that and thought, _A-am I going to cross t-the runw-way? N-nuuuuu!_ He released his ACR and rubbed his hands for warmth while calming himself.  But one way or another, he should do this.

He headed towards the northeast quietly as what his Captain told him to do so. When he was about to cross the runway, his Captain stopped him again in his tracks, making him freeze awkwardly.

_“Hold up. I’m seeing some activity on the runway.”_

Right then, his adrenaline rose up in nervousness and crouched while looking around.

_“Looks like 20 foot mobiles headed your way.”_

“W-what?”

He quickly stood up and crossed the runway in rapidly, running awkwardly in nervousness. The young man searched around for the fueling station in panic, then after a while, he found the fueling station at the end.

_“That’s the fueling station. You found it.”_

Roach got the C4 from his back and planted it there. Then, he walked back while he used the MiGs for cover, trying to be stealthy and quiet. Afterwards, he reached in the other end of the runway where he just came from a while ago.

He saw the heartbeat sensor was receiving many white dots walking around causing him to crouch down in alarm. He checked again the heartbeat sensor as he made sure he was clear to escape. After a while, it was a bit clear so he crouched walking quietly and carefully, escaping the danger around him.

But his stealthiness was stopped when he saw a white dot coming behind him. And his own instinct told him to dash away like hell, and so he did. He got up and sprinted through the blizzard and away from the white dots, praying that he won’t be discovered.

He was about to turn left for cover when he saw an enemy meters away from him, making the hostile alerted. The enemy started to speak Russian language as he was alerting other guards while the young man stood there in surprise.

_“Target on your left. Hide! You’ve alerted one of the guards.”_

At that point of time, he heard some bullet rang which made more of the hostiles alerted. He got himself covered and checked the heartbeat sensor, realizing there were a lot of enemies coming behind him which made him run away quickly.

He escaped that location and hid for cover and went to prone while checking the heartbeat sensor. He saw there were a lot of white dots around him and he can even hear hostiles talking in the distance. _W-why should I b-be here?_ he asked himself and sighed, rubbing his hands again for warmth.

Then his Captain suddenly piped in the comms, _“I’m picking up more radio traffic about the satellite. Standby.”  he paused for a minute. “Got it. Sounds like the satellite’s in the far hangar. Race you there. Oscar Mike. Out.”_

_W-what?!_

Roach heavily sighed, still rubbing his hands nervously while checking the heartbeat sensor. And there were a lot of white dots still. The young man quietly got up from prone and crouched, approaching quietly towards the other cover.

 He checked again the heartbeat sensor and found out that there were some few Russians up ahead his direction. He bits his lips anxiously and again crouched walking to another cover. When he was about to stand up, he saw an enemy guarding the truck.

_“Picking up large heat signatures near the tower, could be BMPs. I’d avoid that area.”_

Roach blinked at that information then shrugged it off. He pulled his ACR and shot the enemy, guarding the truck, dead. After that, he got up quietly and shot two enemies in front of him and moved to another cover.

He checked again his heartbeat sensor and _thankfully_ he saw that there weren’t a lot of enemies walking around.  Roach stood up and dashed towards the other cover in the distance, but his action alarmed some of the Russians not too far from him then bullets flew.

The young man jumped in surprise when he heard loud bang, causing him to dash away from the place quickly. He ignored the enemies and their bullets, and avoided the white dots in his heartbeat sensor. He was dashing towards the hangar to find refuge from all of this danger.

Thankfully, he arrived in the hangar with some Russians who followed his track and his Captain killed them.

 “Brought some friends with you?” his Captain commented mockingly.

Roach blushed in embarrassment and smiled sheepishly, noticing the frost in his goggles melted away. The other man opened the door and his subordinate followed him behind, as always. He was startled when he saw an enemy guarding the hangar but his Captain took his combat knife, rammed the guard onto the wall and stabbed the enemy, killing the latter instantly.

The young man was a bit astonished at his Captain’s veteran skills. After that scene, they continued to walk into tight spaces and then they found the main hangar. His Captain walked towards the satellite to inspect it, while Roach was left there, rubbing his hands for warmth.

The subordinate noticed that his hands were so numb and so cold, fearing that he will have a frostbite if he was going to stay outside longer. The gloves, which his Captain gave, helped a bit by delaying the frost bite but it wasn’t as thick to keep his hands warm throughout the mission.

Well, at least he was wearing gloves.

 “Go upstairs and look for the ACS module.” his Captain commanded while checking the satellite.

“R-roger.”

Roach went upstairs and walked inside the foreign room and got the ACS module. He saw some papers settled on the table and thought that these were maybe some of the Russian’s plans or whatever. When he was about to get the intels and papers for military intelligence, he heard Russian languages outside.

 _“Roach, I’ve been compromised! Keep a low profile and hold your fire.”_ his Captain told him in the comms.

The young man forgot the intel on the table as he quickly ran to the door, crouched and crept to cover. He was shocked when he saw a lot of enemies with their guns aiming towards his Captain. He quivered behind the crates while waiting for any miracle to happen.

Right now, he was clueless what to do next.

 “This is Major Petrov! Come out with your hands up! You have five seconds to comply!” the Major directed his Captain with a strong Russian accent.

 _“Roach, go to Plan B”_ the other man whispered in the comms.

Then the miracle happened. He remembered the C4 he placed at the fueling station and remembered what his Captain told him, about Plan As and Bs or whatever. He took his detonator from his harness quietly, without breaking the sight of his Captain being aimed.

And all he can do was to wait for the right time to press the detonator.

 “Five!”

“Four!”

“Three!”

“Two!”

_M-maybe Captain’s s-shivering there in fear._

 “One!”

In a blink of an eye, he pressed the detonator then a big explosion shook the base, distracting the Russian soldiers. Roach pulled his ACR quickly from his side and shot the enemies as fast as he can. His Captain did the same and they succeeded killing them.

After that, Roach sprinted downstairs hurriedly as he heard bullets flew and more enemies heading their way. He rushed towards his Captain and both of them covered behind the barrier.

“Stay close and hug the wall! We’ll use the Migs for cover and cross the tarmac to the southeast!”

“H-hug the w-wall?!” he asked innocently and looked at his Captain.

“Just fucking cover alright?!”

The young man nodded in affirmation and pulled his ACR, shooting the enemies blocking their escape path. He was hiding behind his Captain as Roach was waiting for the other man to move or order or anything that his superior can possibly do because he can’t risk going out alone.

More enemy reinforcements were coming, blocking their escape route, while they were still inside the hangar.

 _“Roach! Follow me! Let’s go!”_ his Captain commanded.

The other man went out first as he dashed for cover, then Roach followed behind and did the same. They continued to shoot and kill enemies, but the Russians kept coming and coming, taking away their ammos and mags in every moment.

_“Head for that MiG, I’ll cover you!”_

Roach obeyed and sprinted towards the MiG as fast as he could, with his Captain following him behind. He noticed his hands were becoming numb but still he had to kill the enemies around. While the young man shot enemies and ran for another cover, he heard engines out of the blue that were getting louder and louder.

“Snowmobiles! Take ‘em out!”

“W-what!?”

The young man turned around to see what his Captain was referring to, but as he turned, he was welcomed by a snowmobile that was dashing in front of him. He jumped away from the incoming impact and crouched for cover, _I-I was a-almost hit by the s-snowmobile!_

He reloaded his gun and stood up to kill the drivers of the snowmobile, but he received a painful sting from behind which caused him to wince. He turned to the enemy who shot him and killed the hostile in an instant, _N-ngh… M-my shoulder._

 “To the east, Roach! Go!” his Captain ordered while running for cover.

Roach dashed towards to the east as he tried to ignore the pain on his back. They need to escape ASAP.

_“I’ve got you covered, Roach! Move up! Move up!”_

He hurried and sprinted faster as he can to escape this deadly situation they have in hand. After a while, the young man reached there in position and covered his Captain, who was running behind him. Then when the other man arrived, they slid down to the bottom and loud bangs rang from behind.

As they got up, Roach discovered there were Russian troops firing behind them. They continued to shot the enemies dead until there were no more standing upfront. He exhaled in relief but then, snowmobiles appeared out of the blue.

He turned around and shot the drivers while his Captain got his ice-axe and stabbed it to one of the enemies in the latter’s chest, killing the drivers of the last surviving snowmobile.

“Roach take that snowmobile! Let’s get the hell out of here!”

“I-I don’t know!”

His Captain got himself on the snowmobile and turned to Roach, “Just drive it like a motorcycle!”

Roach slightly parted his lips while looking at his Captain, but still obeyed his superior and got himself on the snowmobiles. He blinked when he saw Russian words encrypted and written there, not knowing what to do.

He breathed in and out heavily then tried to accelerate it. And thankfully it did. Then both of them dashed away from the Russian based.

Roach felt again the stinging cold air rushing on his face with the pain on his back, praying that his wound didn’t bleed too much.

_“Kilo Six-One, the primary exfil point is compromised! We’re en route to the back up LZ using enemy transportation! Meet us there! Over!”_

_“Bravo Six, this is Kilo - Six One, roger that, out.”_

He dashed quickly when he noticed enemies on his left and right, trying to escape the deadly trap. He got his G18 and tried to shoot the enemies. The multitasking work and the adrenaline made his brain blown.

He shot the enemies dead but then more reinforcements were coming back. The young man shot the enemies, trying to remove them from his sight, but he was received by a painful sting puncturing in his shoulder. He winced and bits his tongue accidentally, causing his mouth to bleed.

_W-wow Gary. Y-you can die r-right now just because of severe bleeding. Just wow._

Despite of the stinging pain on his shoulder, back and tongue, he continued to drive the snowmobile while shooting down the enemies in his sight.

_“More tangos to the rear! Just outrun them! Go! Go!”_

He obeyed the order of his Captain and ignored the enemies by turning the direction from them.

He just ignored them and turns to the direction away the enemies. His hands are numb now and he thought that his hands were in frostbite. Roach can’t think clearly because of the throbbing pain from behind accompanied his hands that got numb.

_“Don’t slow down! Keep moving or you’re dead!”_

Roach did what his Captain told him, pinning the throttle without breaking. He blinked when he realized his Captain wasn’t in his sight and thought maybe the latter was racing first.  He sped up and ignored the enemies distracting him from escape.

Then a snowmobile popped suddenly at his right side and the hostile shot his arms, wincing and grimacing in pain.

_“Go! Go! Go!”_

The young man turned his snowmobile away from the enemy and accelerated more, leaving the enemies behind. But in a surprise, he saw a helicopter shooting him in front. He turned the vehicle left and right, trying to dodge the bullets while hoping that the ice won’t crack.

_“Come On!!! Come On!!!”_

_“Bravo Six, we’re getting close to bingo fuel. What’s your status over?”_  the pilot tapped to the comms.

_“Kilo Six-One, we’re taking heavy fire but we’re almost there! Standby!”_

After a while, the mountains and the enemies disappeared in his sight, changing into a vat white snow plain. He was driving downhill and saw his Captain driving far away from him. The cold air rushed again on his face and hands, making those numb even more.

_“Pin the throttle! Keep going!”_

Roach did what his Captain told. He pinned the throttle, making the snowmobile dash in full speed by the help of gravity. Roach was dodging the trees quickly and some rocks too. He was enjoying the feeling of descending quickly but was stopped when he saw a big gap between the mountain and the E.Z.

He panicked mentally and informed his Captain in fear, _“S-sir! T-there’s a g-gap! W-what’ll we do?!”_

_“Jump!”_

_“W-what?! J-jump?!!”_

_“Just let your snowmobile fly!”_

_“F-FLY?!!!”_

The young man was terrified when his Captain told him to make his snowmobile fly on the big gap he ever saw in his life. Then seconds came, he shut his eyes and bits his lips when his snowmobile flew midair, praying that he will land safely. And he did.

He opened his eyes and exhaled in relief when he was on the safe ground, realizing that the CH-47 was just a distance away.

_“There’s the chopper! Let’s go!”_

_“Bravo Six, we have you on visual. Get your ass on board. We’re running on fumes here!”_

_“Okay, they got the ACS! We’re outta here!”_

And the two of them slowed down their snowmobiles then stopped those entirely, getting off from it as walking to the helicopter. They entered the Chinook in relief and a feeling of protecting. The young man sat on the chair across from his Captain.

Roach closed his eyes and gripped again on the seat when the helicopter was lifting off. When everything calmed, he opened his eyes again and saw his Captain with a medical kit, treating himself. Then he took off his mask, bonnet and goggles, placing those beside him.

He blinked when he remembered his hands, drawing his eyes to his gloved hands, nervous about what’s the outcome of it. He took off the somewhat wet gloves slowly and carefully, for his hands was so numb and cold.

Then the moment of truth came. He gasped in shock and horror when he saw his hands was so, so pale and it was almost frozen in ice. His gasp made his Captain turn to his direction, “What?”

Roach looked up to his Captain and bits his lips, “I-I… Um, how do you treat a f-frostbite?” he asked timidly.

“A frostbite?” he arched his brow as he finished patching himself up. “Why then?”

The young man looked down on his ashen hands, “U-um… My hands.” he muttered as he held up his hands for his Captain to see.

The other man widened his eyes in shock, “What the hell?!”

“U-uh, yeah. It’s h-hell. The g-gloves didn’t stop t-the frostbite. S-so…”

“Right.”

His Captain got the medical kit and placed it beside the younger man, who gave him an adorable confused look. “U-um… I can’t wrap m-my hands, sir. The two of them are numb. Um, c-can you?” he requested timidly.

The other man scratched his nape, hesitant about his subordinate requesting him, “Alright.”

His Captain got the bandage and wrapped it carefully on the soft hands of the younger man. After that, Soap got the medical kit and placed back to its place, “T-thanks sir.” the younger man said gratefully.

“Not a problem. It’s just a bandage.” his Captain said casually and shrugged.

Roach was about to smile when suddenly he felt the pang of pain behind his back, causing him to whimper and cringe in ache. His Captain turned to his subordinate and saw the latter grimacing at his seat, “Ey Roach, you okay?” Soap asked and walked towards the younger man, examining him.

“M-my back.” he muttered while biting his lips.

His Captain shifted his subordinate carefully and inspected the latter’s back, finding out that Roach was heavily bleeding. “You’re bleeding!” he exclaimed in a bit of alarm, widening his eyes in revelation.

“H-huh?” the young man asked again and looked up to his Captain, feeling dizzy.

The other man was about to scold Roach for his stupidness when he saw the younger man’s pale face and pallid lips, indicating that he was having extreme blood loss (shock) and maybe, hypothermia because of the freezing weather in Kazakhstan.

 “Roach, you’re having shock.” His Captain said with his calmness tone he can ever muster, while looking at the young man. “So lie down on your back at your seat and try to relax.”

Roach blinked in confusion as he tried to focus his blue orbs at the other man, “Sh-shock? I’m n-not shocked.” he spluttered softly in a drowsy trail.

The other man heaved a sigh, “Just lay down okay?”

Roach felt faint and saw his Captain turning into three duplicates, “I-I feel d-dizzy.” he muttered softly and hovered his hand in the air, trying to touch the real Captain who stood in front.

“What? Wait, Roach just lay down and I’m going to ge–“

Then suddenly, the young man felt he was falling at where he sat and his sight was getting dim in every second, sensing his entire body was getting numb. “Roach!” he heard his Captain shouted, but he was so far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just too much! So much mixed emotions and I can't breathe earlier! Gosh! Leave kudos/reviews if you feel the same way I did!


	6. Foreign Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eep! Okay, I edited/changed this chapter to make it better! Hope you'll enjoy reading and don't forget to leave kudos and reviews!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eep! Okay, I edited/changed this chapter to make it better! Hope you'll enjoy reading and don't forget to leave kudos and reviews!

 

Ghost finished the other stack of paper work his Captain gave to him before the mission in Kazakhstan. As much as he hate being on the desk, he needs to comply whatever his superior told him to do. Like finishing the bullshit loads of paperwork.

He has been working with it after he took Roach to the Chinook until now. Or he might say, after he held hands with the young man in the dark. The scene of his subordinate blushing and confessing and all made him smirk while working on the papers.

And it did help him to finish those.

Ghost checked his watch and saw its 0543–just in time for his daily morning routine. He took the stack of paper and brought it to his Captain’s desk, with a note on the top saying, ‘Next time, do your work sluggish Soap.’

Then he went out and walked through the empty hallway and exited the base for his daily morning practice. He arrived at the shooting range in just a moment and got the M9 from the crate, reloading it. Suddenly, he heard blades of the familiar Chinook getting louder and louder.

 _Must be Soap and that bug,_ he thought.

Ghost placed the gun back to its place then he headed to the landing area, which is quite far from the shooting range. But Ghost is Ghost. He’s too unpredictable. He quickened his pace in walking when he saw the chopper in the distance, coming back to its nest.

After a while, he arrived at the landing area just in time when the Chinook settled. He stood from the distance as he was looking at the men, who were checking the chopper and everything, and of course waiting for his Captain and Roach to get out.

The chopper opened its flap slowly, and the scene made him remember the night he was taking off his mask just to cliff hang the younger man. And he did that to taunt Roach inside the Chinook. He smirked at that scene then went back to looking the opening flap.

After a while, the flap opened wide as he tried to see the men inside, realizing that his Captain was carrying Roach in a fireman’s carry ( **A/N:** Um, fireman’s carry is a carry that is most widely used in shooting games. U-um, if you don’t know just search that kind of carry. Hehe >.<)

He stood there in revelation as he tried to perceive the young ma, noticing the limp and unconscious body. Instinctively, he sprinted towards his Captain just to know what the status of Roach is, and ask if he’s okay.  _He should be okay._

His Captain noticed his lieutenant sprinting towards him, “Hey Ghost! Get Roach into the closest infirmary. Now.” he ordered him while trying to settle down the limp subordinate.

“What the fuck happened?” Ghost asked in panic as he wheezed for air, looking at Roach with concern.

“He lost a lot of blood back in the mission, suffered shock, frostbite and hypothermia. And the medical kit isn’t complete. There aren’t any bags of blood to restore the lost blood of the young man.”

Ghost swore under his breath and scooped the young man in his arms, “Right.” he paused and glanced at his Captain, “Well what about you Soap?” he asked while looking at Roach with worry.

“Gonna treat these wounds and check the Chinook. I’ll send the bug’s stuff to his room. So just go now to the infirmary or else he’s going to die.” his Captain told him in a seriously and turned around, entering back to the chopper.

Ghost did the same, turned around and sprinted back to base while looking at the younger man with worry. Roach’s face was so pale and his lips weren’t rosy pink anymore, the lips were ashen. It felt like he was holding his subordinate lifeless in his arms. And he didn’t want that.

_The fuck Simon?! He is just your subordinate._

_He didn’t want to lose Roach in his life_ , despite the raging feelings crashing into him–making him a bit coward about this.

**_Still he didn’t know what the feeling is._ **

Looking at the ashen face of the young man made him feel afraid–a feeling which was so foreign to him after all he had been through.

_The limp body._

_The pale face._

_The closed eyes._

_The muted sound of his heart beat._

_And the vanished flustered cheeks._

**_No, he doesn’t want that to happen._ **

Not too long, he arrived inside the minor infirmary and slammed the door shut behind him using his foot as he searched for the doctor. The latter was startled about that and stood up with a book in his hand, narrowing his eyes at Ghost with frustration but later the doctor his reaction changed when he saw the limp and pale body.

“He needs blood.” Ghost told him, trying to conceal the worry in his voice.

“Right.” the doctor in his late twenties nodded and turned to get the bags of blood behind him, “What type of blood is he?” he asked while rummaging in the pack of blood, medical equipments and gears as if he was searching for something.

The lieutenant rested Roach on the miniature bed, made for patients who need one. Like one right now. After making sure the young man was properly positioned on the bed, he took the dog tag hiding behind the shirt and read it, “He’s positive A.” he informed the doctor and placed the tag back to its place.

The doctor nodded in affirmation and searched for the type A or O bags of blood to replace the blood that was lost by the bug. While doctor was busy searching around, Ghost discreetly held the limp hand of the younger man while twisting the golden locks of the latter’s.

The doctor turned to the lieutenant– who immediately stopped the caring action–with a frown, “There’s no more stock of type A here. I think we should better call some–“

“I can donate blood. I’m type O.” Ghost volunteered immediately and stood up, startling the other man.

The doctor blinked and shrugged about it, “Very well. Have a seat here. I’m going to take your blood, wait for a minute.” the doctor gestured him to sit down and turned around to get needles and medical stuff.

Ghost took a brief glance at Roach and brushed  young man’s ashen cheeks then proceeded to sit where the doctor told him to. The other man got the syringe with a small tube trailing behind, “You sure you don’t have any blood defects like AIDs, HIVs?”

“No. Don’t have them and I’m not sick.” the lieutenant told him without any emotion.

“Well then, just make sure about it.”

The doctor inserted the long and thick syringe in the forearm of Ghost. The thick syringe might send a painful sting for most, but Ghost never felt any pain from the thick syringe. After all he had been through, he learned to be numb.

_He learned how to be dead._

_He thought he was dead_

**_But now he doubted that._ **

A moment after, his blood was running down to the empty pack, filling it for Roach. Just for the young man. Ghost turned to look at his subordinate, who’s resting motionless on the bed, with concerned eyes. _You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay,_ he kept repeating it inside his head.

**_You should be okay._ **

...

His consciousness slowly drifted back again, feeling soft sheets wrapped around him and hearing a faint beeping sound clicking. After a while, his awareness gathered into place, sending a throbbing pain behind his forehead.

Grimacing about that, Roach opened his heavy eyelids then bright light stung his eyes. He blinked as he tried to focus, realizing he was looking at the white ceiling above. _W-what the… W-where am I?_ Turning his heavy head, he saw a doctor silently reading in a distant.

He gulped, finding out his mouth was really dry, “S-sir. W-why am I h-here?” he croaked out softly.

The doctor looked up and realized that his patient was awake. He closed his book and placed back to its place, walking towards the young man, “You’re awake. How are you feeling? Are you alright?” he asked while checking Roach, not bothering to answer the question so he decided to shut up.

The young man quivered underneath the blanket, as he tried to free himself from the sheets wrapping him. “U-Um, I’m okay.” he said. He never liked to be contained by anything or be constrained him from everything. That’s the reason why he left his strict, _bullshit_ parents.

_But the decision made him unsettled._

Roach tried to release himself from the sheets, “U-Um, I’m okay. I want to go n-now.”

“We need to check your wounds and all then you can leave.” the doctor said casually and pulled the sheets around the younger man. “Sit down for I’ll check your breathing.”

The young man did as what he was told and sat at the bed, wincing at the pain he felt from his wounds. The doctor took out his stethoscope and checked the Roach’s breathing, got the BP and check his blood pressure, checked his eyes, mouth, wounds and everything.

After a while, the doctor placed back the medical equipments and turned to look at the younger man, “Everything’s finished. You can go now.”

Roach slightly smiled and slowly stood up, balancing himself at the edge of the bed. “T-thanks doc. Don’t mind me asking, b-but um, w-what’s your name s-sir?”

The doctor turned around as he got the book in his hand, “Name’s Joshua . Nice meeting you Gary Sanderson.” he told him politely and sat back to his chair, resuming in reading the book.

The young man blinked, “U-uh, how did you know my n-name?” he asked quizzically.

“Oh. The person who goes with the name Ghost, told me.” Joshua simply told him without looking.

 _G-ghost?_ “H-huh? H-how did he… U-um, how did th-the two of you… Talked?” Roach asked as he furrowed his brows in confusion, _H-how did Ghost talked to a… a person?_ he asked himself mentally, _G-gary! He can talk and he has a right to talk!_

The doctor looked at him with his raised brow in surprise, “We talked of course. He came here with you. He helped you too.”

He blinked in revelation, “H-how did I get here?”

“You were unconscious that time so you have the right to know.” he paused and looked back to his book, “Ghost carried you until here but I don’t know where he came from. You were so pale that time, like you’re dead because you lost a lot of blood. Unfortunately, there were no bag of blood that is type A but Ghost helped you by donating his blood.” he explained casually and briefly glanced at the younger man with a shrug.

The young man blinked in surprise, trying to register what Joshua said a second ago. When he was about to open his mouth to stutter an ‘I don’t believe it’, the doctor cut him off with a simple addition which knocked the wind out of Roach, “He’s very concern about you. Don’t mind me asking about this, but do you have some sort of relationship between the two of you?” Joshua asked and looked up to the younger man, waiting for an answer.

_R-r-r-r-relationship?!_

The question made the cheeks flush again, fading the ashen colour that reigned when he was unconscious, “N-no!... U-um, n-no. W-we don’t h-h-have any. H-how can you s-say that?” he stuttered nervously and bits his lips in embarrassment.

Joshua raised his brows in surprise but then lowered after a moment and look back at the book, “Nothing. Nice meeting you Gary Sanderson. The door is behind you.” the doctor told him simply without looking.

Roach nodded his head awkwardly and turned around, walking towards the door. Suddenly, he felt again the throbbing pain behind his forehead and it crept to his temples, slowly torturing his poor head by the foreign pain.

He tried to shrug it off as he opened the door and went out. He was inside the base but the hallway wasn’t familiar and the directions labelled on the white walls too. He stepped out and looked around, feeling a bit cold unexpectedly.

_W-where am I?_

He was about to turn around to ask Joshua for directions but he heard a click in the doorknob, indicating that the doctor locked the door. It’s just crazy that someone would lock a door into a minor clinic. Biting his lips, he looked left and right, fighting where would the right direction.

His mind said left.

His guts said right.

Sighing, he chose to walk to the right side of the hallway, trusting his guts enough, while looking around the foreign place. He drew his arms up to his shoulders, hugging himself for warmth and comfort. The throbbing pain inside his head didn’t left, but only it just became worse and worse.

He winced when the pain crept to his forehead and down to his sinus, hurting badly. Then he felt his stomach doing some back flip, causing him to feel a bit nauseate. _G-gary, you should be f-fine by now. Just d-don’t throw out._ he tried to assure himself mentally.

The temperature in his surroundings became colder, giving him chills for he was wearing non-winter clothes. And now, he was shaking because of the cold, but he was still in a foreign place with rows of doors through the wide hallway.

The pain inside his head became worse, making him grit his teeth and whimper softly. And right then, he knew he had a fever.

 _N-nuuuu, no. Don’t puke G-gary!_ he told himself again and again.

Being the sick Roach was like being the weakest grown man in the entire world, and that made him feel bad about himself.

_He’s weak._

Unexpectedly, his entire body weaken and the pain inside his head got worse, causing him to stumble a bit. He closed his eyes a bit for the lights were stinging them and he doesn’t know why. He took small steps while fighting the urge to collapse in the middle of the hallway.

But the pain inside his forehead, the flipping of his stomach and the dizziness doubled up the desire of his body to pain. Then out of the blue, he heard quick footsteps getting louder and louder, nearing to where he stood.

The young man turned around slowly and tried to focus at the person jogging towards him by his half lidded eyes.

Then in his surprise, the person turned out to be Ghost.

_W-what?!_

“Roach! What the hell are you doing here? You’re supposed to be inside that clinic!” Ghost scolded him with a concern as he examined the younger man, making the latter froze in revelation. 

The young man blinked and stared at his superior in disbelief, “U-um, I ‘m having a f–“

The other man placed his hands on the flustered cheeks of Roach and felt those were warmer than usual. “You are having a fever, aren’t you?” he asked while staring directly at the blue orbs of the younger man.

_T-that’s what I’m t-trying to say!_

Roach bits his lips and looked away, squirming in embarrassment for Ghost’s hands were on his cheeks. “U-um, y-yes…”

He heard his superior sigh, “Let’s go to your room then.”

_T-to my r-room?!!_

 “M-my r-room…?” he asked softly as he tried to focus his sight on the mask. The lights were stinging them so much that he thought he’ll be blind and the throbbing pain inside his head caused him to feel dizzy.

“Yes. Your room.” Ghost said and he immediately scooped the younger man up to his arms, like the latter doesn’t have any weight, and his superior jogged towards the exit inside the infirmary. The action caused Roach to startle and stutter incoherently, “G-g-ghost! Y-you know that I h-have feet! Y-y-y-you shouldn’t b-be doing t-this agai–

“You don’t like this?” the other man asked suddenly while gazing at the younger man.

The question made Roach to inhale sharply, “W-what d-do you mean?”

“I meant that don’t you like being carried by your superior?” Ghost asked again teasingly as he was forming a smirk behind his mask.

The young man blushed and looked away, biting his lips while thinking of right words to form. Surely, he will say no, but part of him did like the fact that he was carried by Ghost. To be carried by his superior. He noticed the balaclava was twitched and guessed his superior smile.

Or whatever his expression is.

“I’m waiting for an answer Roach. Don’t let your superior wait.” Ghost teased again.

The young man didn’t hear what his superior said, even though their faces were just inches away. The dizziness and the urge to throw out over took him, causing his brain to do a back flip too. “I-I want t-to throw o-out.” he whispered while biting his lips to prevent himself to puke at his superior.

“You want to what?”

Roach quivered in the arms of his superior just to find comfort and warmth, “G-get m-me to m-m-my room q-quickly. P-please.” he begged softly and turned his head to look at Ghost, who was gazing at him at the entire time. “I f-feel f-f-faint”

“Faint?! Wait, we are close just don’t puke, okay?” Ghost said with a concern and gazed at the blue orbs that were slowly closing and saw the lips curved into a slight smile. “Hey Roach, are you sleeping or dreaming about me again?” he taunted and then he nudged him softly.

But much to his surprise, Roach didn’t flinch or cringe or even jolt in surprise, and that caused him to worry a bit. It was like he was carrying again a limp, lifeless body in his arms which he doesn’t like– _which he doesn’t like to happen._

“Hey, Roach.” he said and nudged the young man again, but the latter jerked like a rag doll. He paused in his tracks and examined Roach, checking if he was okay and warm. The cheeks were blushed faintly, the lips were parted, his eyes were still closed yet Roach still remained motionless in his arms.

Ghost drew his hands up to the younger man’s cheeks and caressed it softly, waiting if he will cringe away in surprise. But he didn’t. And that time he realized that the young man fainted a while ago.

“Shit.”

Ghost jogged towards the exit with a faster pace and he hoped there won’t be any bastards prying along his way. He left the infirmary building after a moment and jogged towards the main barracks, where they were residing.

He entered the main building and saw there were men hanging around, talking and chatting like what they always do. He jogged through the hallway and everyone froze in revelation as they stared at their superior carrying his subordinate. Again.

Ghost ignored the shocked stares and gazes as he paced faster and noticed that the young man was getting warmer and warmer. He briefly glanced at the motionless bug and saw the flushed cheeks were becoming redder and redder.

After a while, he arrived outside the room of the younger man and entered inside. Ghost looked at the Roach with concern and rested the latter on his bed carefully, pulling the bed sheets up to his chest and made sure he was comfortable.

After that, he sat at the edge of the bed and blankly looked at the floor, thinking of the actions he did for the past days and his action he did now, and asking himself why he did those. Glancing back at the young man, he drew his hand up and caressed his flustered cheeks softly.

_As he felt again this foreign feeling inside his chest._

...

Roach’s awareness was slowly gaining in every moment, he felt the sheets wrapped around him again without any beeping click disturbing his head. But then he felt his bed was so cold and sensed he was so alone. _W-where’s the w-warmth?_ he asked himself.

A while ago, he verily remembered Ghost was carrying him inside the infirmary, but after that he fainted again and lost into the dark void. But there was still warmth that was surrounding him a while ago. _The warmth was there a while ago._

**_He was still h-here a while ago._ **

He slowly lifted his heavy eyelids and blinked to focus his sight, realizing he was inside his room with bed sheet wrapped around him. But the blanket didn’t protect him from the cold surrounding him he felt out of the blue. And he didn’t know where the cold came from too.

The young man looked around and found out he was really alone which made his heart pinch a bit. He expected that Ghost will be there for him, until now. _G-gary! W-what are y-you thinking?_ he slapped himself mentally.

Trying to forget that thought, he slowly sat up on his bed and realized his stuff he brought in his mission was placed in the corner of the room. When he was about to drop his feet on the floor, he suddenly felt the throbbing pain inside his head that crept to his temples and winced.

He bits his lips and closed his eyes shut while massaging his temples to ease the pain somehow. He sniffed and rubbed his nose, realizing he was having cold too. Sighing in frustration, he got the blanket and wrapped it around him as he tried to find warmth.

Roach slowly moved his body and dropped his feet on the cold floor, standing up while balancing himself by the use of the edge of his mattress. After he succeeded standing up without stumbling, he slowly walked towards his stuff while telling himself not to puke.

After a while, he arrived at the corner and inspected his stuff, rummaging for his journal. He decided to write what happened in his first mission, even though he wasn’t feeling very well. But after searching for his stuff, he realized that his journal wasn’t there.

He checked again, but much to his dismay, his journal wasn’t there. He closed his eyes and tried to think where he placed his journal, finding any genuine idea inside his head. Then, he decided to search for his journal anyway. And the first place will be his Captain’s office.

Roach turned around sluggishly and walked towards the door, opened it and went out with sheets still draping around him. He dragged his body with the sheets tailing behind him through the hallway, ignoring some men who were giving him odd stares. Some even mocked him about being such pansy and all, but the young man just gave him a frustrated glare.

Meat passed by and saw Roach, who was covered by sheets, “Ey Roach, why the hell you’re ha–“

“Shut up.” he said in irritation and glowered at him.

The other man did shut up in surprise then shrugged about it and walked away. There were others who mocked him for how stupid he looked, but Roach gave them a scowl and glare. Some of the men gave distance away from the young man and others tried to ignore him for they knew Roach wasn’t his best mood today, and they respect that.

For now they respect that.

Whenever Roach is sick or he wasn’t feeling well, it really wasn’t the best time for his to be a nice guy to everyone for he was having mood swings like most girls do, and he needs someone to assist a weakling like him.

_And he hated that fact._

...

Ghost was busy inside his Captain’s office, as he was filling some reports and helping his Captain to decode important matters. They have been so occupied for they have the ACS module in hand, so they were trying their best to decode and report it as soon as possible.

While Ghost had been filing some reports, the thought of him helping the young man a while ago was still lingering in his mind. And everytime the thought came back inside his head, he would slap himself mentally or groan in frustration, ignoring the odd look of his Captain.

After finishing the reports, he stood up to get the other one that was placed on the table. Being a superior wasn’t that easy for they have so much to work and so much to file. Ghost regretted from the very first start of being a lieutenant.

He got the stack of papers and folders in one hand and turned to walk back again on his Captain’s desk. He placed those and sat again on his usual chair, starting to work back in the reports without any _disturbance_ from his random thoughts, somehow.

But out of the blue, he heard faint knocks on the door, startling him and his Captain from their homework. At first, they shrugged about it and ignored it, going back to their paper work that needed to be finished.

But after a while, the knocks grew louder as if the person got really impatient and that’s the time Ghost turned to his Captain, waiting for any signal or answer if it’s okay to open the door.

Soap nodded his head in affirmation and his lieutenant stood up. The knocking on the door was getting louder and louder, followed by loud bangs by the foot.

“Get that bloody door open right now.” his Captain told him in his irritated tone, looking sternly at the door.

Ghost didn’t reply for he was too, irritated by the violent knocks on the door. And especially it was the Captain’s office. He sharply opened the door to scowl or scold the person who was abusing the poor door, but the person made Ghost froze in revelation.

He wasn’t expecting it was Roach with the blanket wrapped around him.

The young man narrowed his eyes at his superior and sniffed, “W-where’s my journal.” he didn’t asked, he just demanded in his solid tone.

“What the hell are you talking about? Your journa–“

“I need it. Now.” Roach demanded again and stepped forward, preventing the door to be closed right at his face.

Ghost was a bit surprised when he heard the bug didn’t stutter while talking to him but still he remained his intimidating stance, “I don’t fucki–“

“Let me in.” the young man insisted with his firm tone and pressed his body against the door. Roach looked at his superior straight to the eye and crossed his arms to have an attitude, like the way Ghost did all the time. “I-I don’t feel well so let me in.”

The other man swore under his breath and sharply opened the door, making a way for the bug to come in with his blanket draping around him and trailing behind. Ghost closed the door forcefully with a loud bang and stood there with his usual stance.

His Captain looked up and froze at his seat in revelation, blankly staring at his subordinate. Roach stopped right in front at him firmly, “Where’s my journal. I want i-it now.” the young man asked demandingly and pressed his lips into a thin line, trying to have an attitude even though he was freezing inside the office.

Roach knew his Captain all too well. And he knew he had his journal.

_Don’t m-mess with me when I d-don’t fell well._

Soap chuckled and shook his head while looking at his subordinate, “And what?” he asked tauntingly and raised his brow.

Roach bits his lips and tightened his grip at his blanket, “I want my journal back.”

“And if I don’t want to. What will you do? Are you going to stand there acting like Ghost?” his Captain chuckled again and stood up, imitating the posture of his subordinate and narrowed his eyes at him. “The hell are you thinking? Coming here with that stupid stance of yours and whining like a brat.”

The young man pressed his lips again into a thin line and grasped his blanket even harder, “It’s my journal and y-you don’t have any right to read my l-life. I’m not f-feeling well. And n-now I’m thinking of puking right at your face s-sir if you don’t g-give me what I want.” he paused and narrowed his eyes at his Captain too, “I rarely insist and demand like this. So just give me what I freaking want, ohmygosh!”

Both of the superiors were surprised at the younger man’s sudden expression. Well, sure they were surprised because Roach rarely expresses himself in front of people, specifically in front of his superiors. And this is one of those times.

His Captain was about to open his mouth to say a comeback when his lieutenant interrupted him, “Just give him that journal and we can stop all this nonsense. You’re just being so stupid sir. It’s his journal in  the first place.” Ghost said and sighed in frustration.

The Captain was a bit taken aback of what his lieutenant said and clenched his jaw, looking at Ghost with his furious eyes. The young man almost laughed when he heard that insult. Almost. It was hard for him to keep his face straight so he just smiled a bit and bit his lips even harder.

“Well, I suppose Ghost was right. But at least I read half of your life, kid.” his Captain smirked and turned around, leaving his subordinate shocked. “Don’t worry kid. I won’t tell.” his superior came back with a journal in hand and handed it to him.

_W-what!!! NO. WAY. YOU. READ. MY. LIFE._

Roach took the journal while looking at his Captain with his rather grim eyes and turned away, stomping towards the exit to show he was really in a bad mood after what his superior said. And he was already. Ghost stepped away from his tracks and looked at the young man, smirking behind his balaclava.

“W-what are you looking at?” the young man told him with a stern tone he can muster. Ghost shrugged about it and turned away from his subordinate, still smirking behind his balaclava.

Roach rolled his eyes at his superior and went out, closing the door with a loud bang behind him. Ghost tried hard not to laugh at how adorable the bug was when the latter was being mad and grumpy about little things. Well, Soap did laugh at his seat.

“Can you imagine that the kid was so angry? I can’t even believe he was!” his Captain jested then followed again with a booming laugh while Ghost was trying to clamp his mouth, trying not to laugh.

And this was the first time he felt like laughing.

Soap’s fun was interrupted by a notification that tinged in his laptop. He checked it and right then his expression changed grimly and scowled in frustration. “Ack! New mission! Bloody hell!” his Captain grumbled loudly and slumped on his chair.

“What’s the mission about?” Ghost asked as he sat down on the other unoccupied chair.

“About killing daft hostiles. What else could be the mission?” Soap sighed and got the microphone behind him for announcement. _“Good morning, this is your Captain speaking. We will have another mission and I need guys to join. This mission will be all about assault and getting intels for military intelligence. Get your sorry arses to the main meeting room right now.”_ he broadcasted throughout the base and placed back the microphone back to its place.

He stood up and turned t look at his lieutenant, “Ghost, I want you to stay here in base and keep an eye at Roach, he was grumpy all of the sudden. Maybe because of the blood you donated to him.” he smirked and paused at Ghost, who’s having his usual intimidating stance. “I just want you to keep an eye at the kid or babysit him or something.” he said casually and smirked, getting some flies at his table.

Ghost blood boiled in irritation because of the stupid order his Captain gave, “What? I just finished that stack of fucking shit! And now you want me to g–“

“That’s an order. Do what I said. Now go to Roach’s room.” he ordered with his stern tone and pointed the door with his index finger. “Go to Roach’s room right now!”

“Fine!”

Ghost got up furiously and stormed out, slamming the poor door behind him in a loud thud. His Captain snickered silently as he settled the papers at its right place and smirked, looking at the door where his lieutenant left.

_You should thank me, Roach._

**_Because you’ll have Ghost all day long._ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this story make me feel loved. W-wait... Loved!? A big HAHA. If you enjoyed reading, don't forget to leave kudos and reviews! Those serve as encouragements! Thanks!


	7. Slow Dances and a Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehehehe... Kay. I didn't change this chapter entirely. I added few scenes and moments to make it better! I hope ya’ll enjoy reading!

_I’m just acting angry and furious back then,_

_But all I want is to care for you._

_This is just an instinct I developed back when_

_I taught myself how to fall for you_  

* * *

 

Roach finished writing a paragraph in his journal, a brief detail about what happened for the past hours. He realized now that it isn’t the best time to write anything feeling sick and ill, with the throbbing pain inside his head.

He was frustrated about the persons who entered inside his room suddenly, annoying him and disturbing his relaxing time. They were taunting him by being so grumpy and all, and the scene he made in the hallway.

And now, he was frustrated by glaring and scowling.

He shut his eyes while massaging his temples, trying to relieve the crawling pain from his head. While he was busy reducing his headache, he heard the door creaked open. It made him irritate all of the sudden for he guessed there will be another guy who’ll mock him. 

_A-again?_

“My h-head hurts so go out.” he stated gloomily as he massaged his temples even harder, getting more frustrated for the pain was crawling down to his sinuses. He waited for anyone or anything that will reply or whatever it will do inside his room, maybe mock him or taunt him.

But it was still silent.

_G-gary, you’re getting crazy. Why in the world you’re talking to yourself._

Sighing, he decided to close the door back and lock to secure himself from all the stupidness. He got up sluggishly and walked towards the door with his eyes still closed. He didn’t bother to open them for the lights stung him so much, even the faintest light caused his head to hurt more

Roach lurched towards the door with an effort to push his feet to walk for one meter. For one meter his body started to get floppy and his feet weighted a ton.

_Just f-five more steps Gary._

_FIVE MORE S-STEPS!_

He tried to encourage his failing body and thought positive things, taking one heavy step. He took the second. Third. Fourth. And this time, he felt his stomach flipping and his head spinning wildly, indicating he was going to puke.

He tried to fight his–common–enemy but something inside his head struck him so bad. Roach realized he was tripping by himself and forgot where his feet were, or maybe his knees became jelly-like substance. The struggle being a weak person in the entire word.

He realized he was falling forward and he was sure he’ll get a face slam on the hard floor.

But out of the blue, something caught him before he was going to crash on the hard tiled floor. Surprised by the strong grasp, he slowly opened his eyes to see if it was the door holding him or if he wasn’t falling at all.

Well, he was wrong.

Very wrong.

For someone caught him and it was his superior, he was caught by Ghost when he was falling. And it was surprising that someone–like his superior–with high standards would come inside his room just to catch him fall.

The sight of his superior was a blur for his eyes were slightly opened, and he didn’t dare to open those. They were looking at each other in silence with an awkward position they were in, Ghost stepped back a bit with his arms snaked around the young man’s arms, holding him tightly.

Roach blinked and blinked in disbelief, making sure if it was his fever doing something crazy in him. And he almost pinched himself just to make sure if this is reality. But heck no. He was wrong as always. Surprisingly, he saw the balaclava twitched in a manner that he always liked.

_W-wait, I always l-liked?!!_

“I went inside for a quick look but I didn’t expect that you’ll be tripping by yourself. What a kid.” he stated without any expression but he didn’t release the hold.

The young man squirmed uncomfortably in Ghost’s hard -like-wall chest as he tried to free himself from the embrace, “I-I’m not a kid and yes, I’m tripping by m-myself because my head h-hurts really bad that I c-can punch you right now.” he mumbled adorably under his breath while trying to look stern at his superior.

“Try me. You may hurt your knuckles.”

Roach narrowed his eyes at his superior and pouted, “S-shut up.”

The other man chuckled silently and shook his head, gazing at his subordinate in disbelief for he can’t believe Roach was so grumpy. “What if I won’t?” he challenged mockingly and leaned closer, making the bug jerk away in surprise, “Can’t believe that you’re so snappy bloke. But this time, you won’t be sassy with me.”

Even though their faces were close, the young man narrowed his eyes even more as he tried to squirm away from the hold, “C-challenge me.” he taunted and smiled slightly as a sneer at his superior.

Ghost grunted in reply while his subordinate glared back, trying to have an attitude despite he looked like a mad little puppy. Then suddenly, the other man leaned even closer in surprise and Roach froze in revelation. “You can’t challenge your own superior, bug.” he said lowly and huskily, slightly tilting his head while gazing at the blue orbs.

Roach blinked and briefly glanced at the covered lips of his superior then back at the crimson shades, trying to look calm as possible, “S-so what? Are you going to lean e-even closer and k-kiss me?”

_W-wait… G-gary!!! W-what the heck d-did you just s-said?!!!!_

After a second or two, he parted his mouth in shock and stopped breathing when he realized just what he said. And immediately, his cheeks flushed into a pink tint then warmed into a shade of red. Ghost’s balaclava shifted in a way that he guessed his superior smirked or smiled at his stupidness.

_N-nooo! N-nuuuu!!!_

“Kiss you? Did you expect for a kiss, bug?” he asked lowly but teasingly as he inched closer and closer, making the young man shift farther with every sharp intake of breathe.

“N-no! I just s-said t-that in a-a-accident!” he stuttered embarrassingly as his cheeks flushed even harder.  “A-a-and I never e-ever expect a-any kiss from a-anyone!” he added while trying to squirm away from the hold of his superior.

“Well then. Don’t _expect_ too much, bug.” Ghost stated then he released the hold, making the young man stumble on the hard floor. He winced painfully–especially he was injured. Roach was about to scowl a ‘hey’ when he realized his superior vanished in an instant.

_H-he’s so f-fast._

Roach shook his head and slowly pushed himself to stand up, balancing himself by the help of the edge of his bed. As soon as he stood up, his head started throbbing and spinning wildly, and he felt his stomach turned and did a back flip.

_Oh no._

...

Ghost walked back to the bug’s room with thick blankets and bed sheets around his arms. He got those from the, um, the supplies in their base and searched for more thick blankets or covers. And we all know those were meant for Roach.

While walking through the hallway leading to Roach’s room, some of the men gave him a quizzical look for it was really rare for their lieutenant with thick blankets in hand. Well, they only know that Ghost only brings thick paper works, not thick blankets.

He scolded them for being nosy then threatened an order in addition, and gladly, the men hurriedly walked away and never return. And he enjoyed scaring his subordinates and messing them, as always. He would rather order the men to do some shit stuff than being a nanny for his bug.

Like what his Captain ordered.

The reason why he brought the blankets and covers is that he noticed Roach shivering in his touch and guessed that the latter was having chills. Or maybe the bug trembled by his touch after all. He smirked at that stupid thought and arrived outside the room shortly, twisting the knob and opening the door discreetly and slowly

 While he was pushing the door away, he heard a loud thud then a soft signature whine by the bug. Immediately, he sharply opened the door to see what the heck happened–an action that was so strange and odd for him.

The way he acted felt so new

_–so new yet so familiar._

He saw the young man gripping the edge of the bed, trying to balance himself even though he looked so weak and pale. He was about to dash towards Roach to check him when something caught his attention–something that’s so disgusting.

 “What the hell!?!” he blurted loudly, making the young man jerk away in surprise.

Roach looked up, so surprised to see his superior standing in the doorway for he didn’t expect Ghost to come back. He tilted his head and tried to perceive where the other man was staring, slowly moving his head to the direction.

And then he realized he puked all over the floor.

He blushed embarrassingly and widened his eyes, gaping his mouth in shock and mortification ike he didn’t know he threw out in the first place. He blinked rapidly, “I-I-I-I-I’m s-s-sorry! I-I f-feel dizzy and m-my stomach t-turned and I-I don’t know why I-I p-puked! I-I’m s-s-sooooorryyyy…” he stuttered in panic and bit his lips hard as a punishment for his stupidness. “I-I… should get t-the mop n-now… U-Um… I’m sorr–“

“It’s not your fault so stop apologizing.” Ghost sighed and placed the blanket on the bed while glancing at the younger man every now and then. “I brought these extra covers to make you warm. Don’t move and try to relax. I’ll get the mop and wipe that shit off.” he stated and looked again at his subordinate, checking if the latter is okay.

_Well, obviously he’s not Simon._

Roach’s blue orbs gazed curiously at Ghost with a quizzical yet innocent expression he was wearing. “U-Um… D-don’t mind me a-asking… b-but…” he paused and looked away, biting his lips. “ _W-why are you doing this_ … U-Uh, w-why are you… t-taking care of m-me?” he asked shyly and hesitatingly, regretting that he just said that as he blushed even harder.

Ghost raised his brows in surprise, “Why would you ask such thing? _I’m doing this because I care.”_ he paused and crouched down beside the young man, gazing at the latter intently. “ ** _I care for you because you matter so much to me._** ” he drew his hands up and brushed the golden locks of his subordinate, noticing he froze because of such action. “Now just try to relax and sit here. Don’t do anything or you’ll throw out again.” he said calmly and _warmly_ – a tone that was so strange and new.

Ghost smiled slightly behind his mask and stood up and went out, leaving the younger man dumbfounded at the moment. That moment, Roach’s world stopped when his heart skipped a beat, while blushing feverishly when he felt the hands of his superior brushing his hair.

 The words that the other man said a while ago were carved inside his head, kept down to the bottom of his heart. Those words were so surreal and… he felt an overwhelming feeling. It is like his heart thumped inside his chest loudly and strongly that he can’t breathe properly.

_This isn’t r-real._

_But w-why s-should G-ghost say t-those things i-if…_

_I’m n-not worthy of being m-mattered?_

He sighed exhaustingly as he tried to sit on his bed, shaking his head slightly because of his bitter realization of himself.

**_If only he knew I’m worthless_ **

...

 

While Ghost came back walking with the mop and a pail of water, he was picturing the small and weak frame of the young man and smirking when he remembered the way Roach blush and the way he stutter shyly, the way he tilted his head in confusion and the way he bits his lips when he’s getting into a tight situation.

Those small and petty mannerisms of his subordinate were making him driving a _bit_ inside because of the cuteness. _Actually, he really liked it._

_What the hell? Are you starting to like him?!_

_You are only doing this because your Captain ordered you!_

Despite the mental scolding of himself, the picture of Roach was still lingering inside his head. He tried to shrug it off and changed the topic he was thinking. The picture was turned into an image of a weak and small frame of Roach–lifeless, motionless frame of him.

Ghost can’t believe until now that his subordinate was really, really fragile whenever he is sick. He was surprised that a grown man like Roach still needs someone to take care of him and his needs. It was unbelievable.

Up till now, he can’t believe that the young man was so innocent and so naïve at such things. Mainly everything. The latter can’t cross the road even though he ran and dodged the vehicles, he doesn’t use vulgar words like those weren’t in his vocabulary, he blushes a lot and bits his soft, pink lips when caught off guard.

Roach isn’t fit to be a soldier.

_He was too innocent to be in this job._

Ghost smiled when he remembered the time he was teasing the bug and how the latter’s cheeks flushed into a deep red tint. His teasing often lead to awkward moments, of course, but he didn’t expect that the young man would blush and stutter and do any other _cute_ , stupid things he would do.

But despite of all the awkwardness and stupidness the young man showed, there was something about him that he can’t just put a finger on. There was something about Gary and he wanted to know what’s behind his happy, cheerful smile.

And he still verily remembered the incident back when they were inside the Captain’s office.

_He verily remembered when Roach said something about his past._

_And how he looked so scared_

_– **lost.**_

After a while, Ghost arrived outside the room of the bug and noticed that the door wasn’t closed after he went out a while ago. He used his foot to push the door and went inside the room, closing it with a soft click.

He looked up and saw his subordinate sitting on his bed with his knees on his chest, hugging them for warmth. Ghost sighed and started cleaning the mess on the floor, glancing discreetly at the young man every once and then.

 He wasn’t supposed to do this task for he is a superior and will be a superior, but there was something that made him act this action he never did before. The young man fell on his bed and held his pillow in his side, hugging it tightly.

The sight was remarkably _cute_ and it made the superior smirk behind his balaclava, trying not to chuckle.  Then realization kicked in.

_What the fuck Simon?!_

_Stop wasting your time cleaning **his mess**. Instead, do your job in the office._

Ghost quickened mopping and opted not to look at the bug for he felt so stupid. Few seconds after, he finished cleaning and carried the equipments and turned around. When he was about to go out and leave, he heard Roach humming softly and sweetly.

The lieutenant paused for a while as he listened to the sweet hum. The hum is _so familiar_. It’s like he heard it before somewhere and somehow. The song was so familiar but it was so blurry in his memory; he can’t put his finger in to it.

Suddenly, the soft melody was stopped when Roach coughed softly with an _adorable_ sniff. Ghost guessed that the bug noticed him still standing on the doorway, so he decided to leave the young man on his own. He finished the job, so why not?

But then again, he was stopped when he heard another sniff and cough. “M-my mom used to sing that song when I was little.” Roach said softly, yet there’s a hint that he was crying silently.

Ghost turned his head towards the direction of Roach and saw the latter was truly crying discreetly. “What about it?” he asked, trying not to sound sarcastic or harsh.

Roach was drawing invisible shapes on his pillow as he tried not to look at his superior, letting out a _bitter_ and _soft_ laugh, “I don’t know about it. _I just remembered that memory that was so long forgotten._ I think I’m stupid.” he formed his sentence without any stutter then laughed bitterly.

Despite the bitter laughs and fake smiles, the other man can see the pain inside Roach’s eyes. He placed the cleaning equipments in the corner and went back in eyeing the young man, trying to figure out if it was the fever making him more dramatic.

“What about your mother?” Ghost asked again, hoping for a realistic answer.

The young man glanced at his superior then back on his pillow, “My mother? Sh-she just did a role in playing a mother. That’s all.”

Ghost’s brows furrowed in confusion and in the same time, frustration. He wasn’t the kind of a person who’s patient enough to wait for an answer. “What do you mean?” he asked once again, trying to hide the impatience trailing in his voice.

“I mean, she just did the mother role. _Not that she wants to, but **she needs to.**_ I-It kind of hurts w-when you f-feel that way. But I guess I sh-should tolerate my parent’s way.” he said nonchalantly and drew again imaginary circles on the pillow.

“You mean that your parents don’t wa–“

“D-don’t you get it?!” Roach snapped as he sharply sat up on his bed. “My p-parents need to f-fill my needs! A-and only my f-freaking c-common needs! Th-they just did that because they n-need to! And not that they want to! _And I’m really tired of being such a pathetic, rubbish and useless person who only bothers people’s life! Who only gives others a big strife! **So please stop wasting your time because of me!** ”_

Roach quickly composed his composure then he smacked his mouth in shock when he realized he shouted at his superior who was just trying to ask questions. “Ohmygod I’m s-s-sorry. I d-didn’t mean to get angry a-at you o-or anyone else.  I’m r-really sorry. I don’t m-mean to shout at you. I-I’m really s-so–“

“I won’t waste my time again because of you. You just fucking bullshit me right now.” Ghost said coldly and got the cleaning equipments, turning around at the bug one last time. “Don’t be so overdramatic. No one likes a dramabitch like you.” he added and left without any hesitation.

The young man was left stunned and dumbfounded, and then there was a twist inside his chest that made him want to cry hard. He knew that Ghost was trying. _Trying to understand him_. But all he did was shout and overreacted like what all bitches do.

And it kind of hurts when you were called… a dramabitch.

_See? E-even your superior c-called you a b-bitch._

Roach bits his lips hard as tears fell down on his cheeks, trying not to blubber loudly for anyone to hear his stupid sobs. He realized that his superior was sick of his drama and all. He realized that he’s just a worthless _shit_ after all.

He fell back on his bed and buried his face on his pillow, blocking his face to prevent the sound of his sobs from escaping. He cried all the pain he felt from his past up till now and hoped that those _painful memories_ **_will fade away._**

...

An hour passed and he was still recovering from his crying and sobbing. Roach tried to wipe off the tears that were still falling from his stinging eyes, but still his tears were overflowing. His head throbbed and his injuries still nipped and his frostbite was stinging.

The pain combo was added when Ghost left him with such comment. He was supposed to sleep and rest for he was having a fever, but all he can do now was to cry. Cry because of the pain. Cry because he was hurt. Cry because he was left.

He had no choice but to cry

– _to pour out the pain he had inside his heart._

Roach felt so weak. And then he felt that he was so gay. He felt stupid. He felt so, so stupid. But then again, what can he do? All he can do right now, at this point of time was to cry, move on and forget what happened.

Suddenly, the sound he hummed came back, bothering him like a mosquito buzzing on his ear. The sound of the notes playing in the piano came back. The sight of him and his mother playing a piece entitled, ‘Moon River’ in _their_ piano.

_A memory that once was lost and forgotten._

The tears flowed again and he tried to shake the thought off. He tried to forget again. He tried to escape. But everything was useless. The memory of him and his mother was a truly treasure–a memory that treasured in his heart.

He sniffed and coughed, smiling sadly and sang slowly–shaking, _“Moon River… W-wider t-than a m-mile… I’m c-crossing you in s-style someday…”_ he paused and tears flowed out again from his glazed eyes. “ _Old d-dream… M-m-maker… You h-heart b-b-breaker…”_

Then he gasped when he sang the three words: _You heart breaker_. He remembered Ghost and how he treated him like a shit and sometimes gold. His superior was so difficult and impossible to understand, especially when it comes to his stupid feelings.

And his memory haunted him again–a beautiful, sweet yet terrible nightmare. He cried again like a pathetic whimp. Right now, he didn’t care if he is a pathetic whimp or something like that. 

Out of the blue, somebody continued to sing the song Roach cut off, _“Wherever you’re goin’, I’m goin’ your way.”_ _he_ sang in a beautiful deep, baritone voice. Every note was struck in its right tone.

Roach turned his head to look who it was and tried to make sure if he wasn’t hallucinating. The person who sang was Ghost, who was standing there casually like nothing happened from the past hour. The young man wasn’t surprised; he slightly smiled and slowly sat up on his bed.

“Y-you know this song, s-sir?” he asked shakily for he was still recovering from his sobs and cries.

Ghost nodded and smirked behind his balaclava, “I’m _full_ of surprises.”

The superior got something from his back and placed it on the table not so far away from the bed. Roach tilted his head with a quizzical look on his face as he tried to focus on the black thingy that was placed by his superior on the table.

“Stand up.” Ghost ordered.

“U-um… okay.” the young man stuttered hesitatingly and slowly stood up, trying to maintain his balance.

Not too long, there was a beautiful music waving around his room and Ghost was stepping towards him, closer and closer. Roach froze at where he stood and blushed when his superior were inches away from him.

“You know how to dance?” Ghost asked suddenly and the question made the young man widen his eyes in surprise.

Roach blinked, “U-um… Like a s-slow dance?”

“Yes like a slow dance.” Ghost said and held a hand of the young man, and the action made the latter jerk away in surprise.

“U-uh… I know.”

( **A/N:** I’m sorry. This isn’t wattpad XD. So better search the piano piece Moon River by Henry Manchini in YouTube. Or if you have an app called Perfect Piano, just play the Moon River and lessen the speed to 0. 8. Eep!)

The music started with its beautiful intro, and it turned out, the music was played in a piano– _Moon River._ It was so slow and so beautiful as always–the song is so beautiful as always–and it made him remember the time when he and his mother were so close–inseparable.

Ghost held the hand of the young man and placed it on his hips, and the other was held by his hand tightly. He closed the space between them and he started to move, _first_. Then Roach r _eciprocated_ the action without further more hesitation, _and they both danced in one._

Suddenly, he didn’t felt any pain.

The beautiful, nostalgic piano piece was playing and it flowed around the room, making the time slower and lovelier. They danced side by side slowly, rocking their bodies ever so lightly. Roach tried to know what the colour of his superior’s eyes were but after a while, he got lost just by looking and Ghost was gazing at him too.

“How did you learn slow dancing?” Ghost asked lowly, still gazing at the blue orbs of the bug.

“M-my mom t-taught me when I was l-little. She even taught me h-how to p-play this piece ‘Moon River’.” he paused and he tore his gaze away and looked down, blinking his eyes so that he won’t cry in front of his superior. “It’s sad when those happy times were just memories now.”

Ghost released the hold of his hand on the bug’s hips and used them in lifting up the _angelic_ face of Roach, looking intently at the blue orbs. “You should be happy that you have sweet memories. Those were meant for you to remember how to be happy _._ ”

“I-If I won’t be happy because of that?”

His superior smiled behind his balaclava and drew his hand back to Roach’s hips, _“Then make new happy memories and spend the moment like it’s the end of your life.”_

Roach smiled and hummed softly, “ ** _Like what we’re doing right now._** _”_

Ghost pulled the young man closer but the latter wasn’t surprised at the action, for he was so fascinated at the moment they were in. They danced without a care in the whole world, he danced with his superior despite he was treating him shit.

“Is this your first time to dance with somebody?” Ghost asked lowly, looking at the blue orbs.

The young man smiled sheepishly and blushed, “U-um… Yeah… I n-never have a chance to go to prom when I w-was high-school. S-so, this is my first.”

Ghost raised his brows in surprise, “Why?”

“I think my p-parents trained me how to be n-not liberated. Th-that’s why… I’m a-awkward.”

“Your mother taught you how to play the piano and how to slow dance. Then why are you saying they are strict? And sounding that you’re a distressed kid?”

“Y-yes. My mother t-taught me when I was little and we were close. B-but when I g-grew up, I think I-I was becoming m-more… unlovable? As w-what they say, pets are cuter w-when they are just little.”

He noticed the balaclava twitched again, “You’re cute and lovable like a puppy. Now stop talking about your past and deal with your present, bug.”

Roach blushed and looked away, ignoring the fact that their faces were only inches apart, “ _W-why are you doing this?”_

Ghost inched his face closer and whispered in his ear, “ ** _I want you to remember happiness._** _”_

The young man slowly turned his head towards his superior with his confused yet stunned look, then he felt something inside him lighten–something that’s worth living. They stared at each other for a while then Roach smiled and a tear fell from his glazed eyes.

“Oh, come on. I said happiness not sadness.” Ghost groaned while the young man giggled adorably despite tears were falling.

“It’s a mixture of sadness and happiness. I’m happy ‘coz you made me happy, but I’m sad in the same time because I know this won’t happen again.”

Ghost shook his head and chuckled silently as he released his hold on the bug’s waist. “Then try to spend this moment in eternity.” he said and brushed the golden locks of Roach, “Feel that this moment will last eternity.”

 Roach smiled and then he rested his head on his superior’s crook of his neck, closing his eyes as he craved everything in his memory. Ghost snaked around the bug and encased the latter in his warm embrace.

The music repeated itself but in a lower key, and both of them sang with a feeling of contentment.

_“Moon River, wider than a mile; I’m crossin’ you in style someday… Old dream maker, you heart breaker, **wherever you’re goin’, I’m goin’ your way…**_

_“ **Two drifters, off to see the world.** There’s such a lot of world to see. **We’re after the same rainbow’s end,** waitin’ ‘round the bend, my Huckleberry friend, Moon River and me…”_

The young man tilted his head up and smiled and said, “Thank you.”

_Then both of them forgot the reality_

_As they danced the moment in eternity_

_Lost in each other’s eyes and embrace_

_Two hearts collided and tied in one lace_

...

Roach opened his eyes and went back again to reality, fading away his trance state. He blinked his eyes many times and realized he was inside his room, alone again in his cold room. He noticed the cold temperature came back with a throbbing pain behind his forehead and the stinging pain from his injuries.

He still remembered the random slow dancing between him and Ghost, and he remembered how stupid he was for falling asleep while standing and dancing with his superior. He remembered how Ghost talked to him those strange words and how his superior acted sweetly.

He wasn’t supposed to be feeling something towards his superior.

_N-no Gary! He danced w-with you so th-that you’ll be happy._

_…_

_…_

_B-but why would he do that?_

Roach shook his head and slapped himself mentally because of the way his brain thinks of such stupid things. He looked around his room and hoped that Ghost will be there, watching him sleep. But his hopes were too high than the Eiffel tower.

He decided to go to the common room instead.

The young man slowly got up while maintaining his balance with the help of his bed. He knew he have his fever on-going so he walked slowly towards his doorway, telling himself not to puke or faint do whatever stuff that will make Ghost flip.

It’s not a best idea for him to puke again and will cause some trouble, _again._ He opened the door and went out, walking through the hallway while keeping himself warm. While walking, he thought about the dance and the intimate contact and the sweet words that were given.

The thoughts gave him chills around his body.

 _“I want you to remember happiness.”,_ He heard the low yet beautiful voice of his superior again.

_He w-wants me to remember h-happiness?_

_That doesn’t make any s-sense!_

_A-a-and he w-was upset at me before th-the…. the s-slow d-dance!_

_He’s such a bipolar f-freak!_

“What are you doing here?” the low, familiar voice snapped him back to reality.

 Roach yanked away in surprise when he saw his superior standing right in front of him. He blinked many times for he _did not expect that Ghost will be walking to the direction of his room._ Clearly, the superior was.

_G-gary! Don’t let y-your hopes g-go high!_

Ghost cleared his throat and crossed his arms on his chest, giving again his intimidating stance, “What are you doing here?” he asked one more time.

“Um… I’m g-going to the common r-room.” he stuttered softly and looked down.

“Why?”

The young man glanced briefly at his superior and then back again on the floor, “It’s kind o-of a bit lonely i-if I’ll stay inside m-my room.” he mumbled.

“So let’s go.”

Right away, Ghost scooped the young man up like the latter doesn’t have any weight and walked to the opposite direction. Roach was stunned so much that he can’t react or protest at that point of time. The action felt very strange and… sweet?

_G-gary! Snap out of it!_

“S-sir! Please, I h-have my own feet! So please, let me down!” he pleaded twice as he tried to squirm away from the hold of his superior.

Ghost glanced at the bug, “I hate waiting for a turtle to arrive in the common room.”

_W-what!? D-d-d-did he just called me a tur–_

“No offense.” the superior added and smirked behind his balaclava.

Roach pouted adorably and looked away, biting his lips and blushing like there’s a romantic moment happened. Well, there was… or maybe there were so many romantic moments happened lately. Like dancing with Ghost, being cared by Ghost, singing with Ghost, being carried by Ghost, holding like couples, holding hands, holding hips, giving sweet stares, being close like few inches away, being inside the room with his superior and almost kis–

_G-g-g-gary! Shut up and s-s-stop!_

They arrived inside the common room after a while and Ghost was still carrying the young man until they reached the couch that was facing the television. He placed the bug there gently as if he was like a treasured thing that was so delicate and fragile.

Roach bit his lips and blushed even harder because of the charming act of his superior. _W-wait…. Ch-charming?!_

Ghost sat beside the young man, only few inches apart or maybe centimetres, and it made the latter’s cheek redder. “Did you eat?” his superior asked and looked at him with a hint of concern.

The young man looked down and played with his fingers, licking his dry lips, “U-um… No. B-but I’m not hung–“

“I’ll get the food for you. Just wait here and don’t leave.” the other man told him with his ‘half  superior-voice and half-concerned voice’ and swiftly walked away.

Roach blinked in disbelief then giggled adorably under his breath, thinking about how Ghost was so sweet. His superior’s actions were so sweet and cute that he might get diabetes. Then fantasies came inside his head between him and Ghost, doing all ‘lovey- dovey-corny-stuff’ and imagined it and wished that it will come true.

He sighed dreamily and fluttered his eyes like lovestrucked teenage girls do.

Then he realized his thoughts were so… gay.

_W-what are y-y-you thinking G-gary?!_

_S-s-stop thinking a-about him and y-you or w-whatever your birdbrain th-thinks!_

_Snap out of i-it!_

_He’s just c-caring for you for s-some one heck of a r-reason!_

_And the r-reason isn’t y-you!_

Roach slapped himself _literally_ then winced because of the stinging pain on his right cheek. He needed that though. He sighed and got the remote and turned on the television, still rubbing his cheek to relieve the sting.

While he was searching good station to watch, he was thinking again about Ghost and how he turned his superior into his opposite side. The Ghost he knew, when he was here for the first time, was so quiet, sarcastic, blunt, rude, hash and intimidating. He can continue the list up to 100.

But now, he was surprised when his superior showed his caring and protective, sweet side. The way Ghost lead the slow dance in a dreamlike way, the way he made an effort in little things and the way he talked like he knew everything about Roach.

It felt really surreal.

Roach rested on the couch and wrapped his arms around himself, keeping him warm. The pain inside his head didn’t fade away and the twirling inside his stomach, so all he could do now was to rest, relax and try not to puke.

Then, he passed by a cartoon channel and chose it as stupid as it sound. After he watched the show after a while, he changed the channel and it turned out, the channel is about music videos and stuff like that.

He squealed like a girl when he realized he was the upcoming song will be Blue Neighbourhood Trilogy by Troye Sivan. He sat up quickly and got the pillow on his side, hugging it tightly when the first song–Wild– started just in time. He turned the volume to 100.

Roach looked on his back and tried to make sure Ghost isn’t in tow. He knew the song very well and the story and the fact that it’s all about LGBT, but the music video… he’s not sure about it. He didn’t watch the trilogy so he’d better check his back just in case Ghost will come inside the room suddenly.

He got the remote and turned it into an imaginary microphone and he started singing, _“Trying hard not to fall.... On the way home. You were trying to wear me down, down…. Kissing up on fences and up on walls…. On the way home I guess it’s all working out… now.”_

Roach started snapping his fingers and rocking his body slightly, _“Cause there’s still, too long to the week end, too long till I drown in your hands. Too long since I’ve been a fool, ooooh… Leave this blue neighbourhood, never new loving could hurt this could, oh. And it drives me wild… Hey!”_

_“Cause when you look like that, I’ve never ever wanted to be so bad, oh. It drives me wild.”_

_“You’re driving me wild, wild, wild. You’re driving me wild, wild, wild! You’re driving me wi–“_

“Mind if I come in?” Ghost asked suddenly and it made the young man jump in surprise, accidentally throwing the remote in the distance. He sharply looked behind and saw his superior was standing in the doorway with a food tray in hand.

 “G-g-g-ghost! W-why are you h-here?” he stuttered nervously while looking at his superior with his widened eyes. Blinking fast while biting his lips for he can’t ignore the fact he’s watching some rated PG music video.

The other man tapped the food tray, “I’ll bring you some food, remember?” he raised a brow while looking at the dumbfounded bug on the couch.

Roach blinked, “U-u-um… Y-yes. I’m j-just going t-to look for the remo–“

 “What are you watching by the way? I heard you singing up to the mess hall, you know.” Ghost said nonchalantly and sat beside the bug, placing the food tray on the coffee table.

The young man laughed awkwardly as he tried to stay his cool, especially the music video is on-going. “E-erm… Just s-singing with th-the… song… Haha.. Ha.”

Ghost hummed in reply and watched the television, making Roach blush when he saw two guys hugging each other. “W-we can ch-change the channel if you w-want! I’ll just get the r-r-r-r-remo–“

“No. It’s not a problem. I just want you to eat this food so that you won’t be thin as stick.” his superior got the plate and the spoon, giving it to the young man. “Eat.” he ordered.

“U-um… I’m not h-hungry.” he muttered shyly and blushed even more when he saw again the two guys hugging each other. “I’ll j-just g-get the remo–“

 “I said it’s okay if that video is… making you blush. I don’t mind.” he paused and got an amount of food, holding the spoon in front of Roach. “I want you to eat this. So say ‘aaaaaaaah’”

Roach blinked and blushed, “O-o-okay, b-but you don’t have to t-treat me like a k-k-kid. S-so can I please feed myself b-by myself?” he asked timidly and glanced back on the television worriedly. “Wait. Is that e-even right?”

Ghost chuckled and shook his head, “Alright. After you’ve finished eating your food, take this pill.” he took out the pill from his pocket and held it towards the bug to see, then placed it on the food tray. “Dr. Joshua or whatever his name was, said that this pill will help your fever go away soon.”

The young man smiled sheepishly and pressed his lips into a thin line, trying hard not to blush like a girl. “U-um… Kay.”

He started eating the food timidly while watching the music video, he almost fly away when he felt an arm creeping on his back. Well, the arm isn’t placed _on_ his back, but it was placed on the top of the couch–around the young man.

After a while, the song neared to an end and both of them saw the two guys looking at each other–staring in _eternity_ , Roach blushed while his superior shrugged about it. Out of the blue, the guys in the television kissed but the scene was cut immediately, and it caused Roach to squeak in his high pitch.

Ghost chuckled, “Can’t handle scenes like that?”

Roach blushed and bits his lips, while shaking his head.

* * *

Minutes after, both of them finished watching the whole trilogy of the Blue Neighbourhood and tons of commercials rolled on. Roach was teary-eyed yet he was still blushing in embarrassment for the entire time. It was sort of depressing, embarrassing, and intoxicating.

_W-wait…. Intoxicating!?_

“I don’t fucking understand the whole story.” Ghost growled in frustration and looked at the bug for any answer.

Roach pressed his lips in a thin line then bits them, “U-um… The story is sad.” he stated softly.

“What? I mean I don’t understand the whole fucking plot.” Ghost growled again as he lowered his arm slightly, causing the young man to jerk away.

“I-I-It’s because y-you’re so concentrated in the… the… th-that s-scene.” he muttered, words slowly fading and fading in embarrassment and shy.

The other man smirked behind his balaclava and turned his sight to the bug, “What scene?” he asked as if he doesn’t know, teasing the bug even more.

Roach’s cheeks flushed and burned like fire, “The scene w-where… W-where th-they kissed a-and…”

The superior inched closer as he enjoyed teasing his subordinate, “And?”

“A-and… k-kissed… And…”he paused and took a deep breath, “Anddidsomethingthatisinappropriateinsdiethebedroom.” he said swiftly, managing the sentence in one breath.

Ghost nodded his head slyly, “I think I might be.” he paused then he lowered his arm slightly, earning a soft yelp from the bug. “So about the plot. I still don’t understand it.”

Roach bits his lips and blushed even more, shifting uncomfortably for he felt that the arm was falling down little by little to his butt. “U-um… The trligoy i-is all about two… g-guys having a s-secret relationship. When th-they’re just children, they’re really close, as in close.”

“Close like this?” Ghost inched closer and the bug moved away in an instant, blushing more.

“Y-yes. L-like that.” he said then he bits his lips, looking everywhere except Ghost. “But the other guy’s f-father got angry for n-no reason and their friendship broke up. And he still d-did that when they g-grew older. U-unfortunately, they d-did break up and that g-guy treated T-troye like a ghost. And th-then part 3 came… That’s the time th-the father died and Troye went t-to the cemetery, but he was eventually i-ignored. But there’s a point when th-they hugged, um, y-yeah… hugged and the g-girl disturbed them. The guy j-just dumped him and left h-him there. The end left m-me hanging but I know… he c-committed suicide. _They committed suicide._ W-well, that’s i-it.” he explained then yawned heavily, turning to look at his superior.

Ghost nodded his head and shifted closer to the young man, “Okay. Now, take the medicine so that your fever will go away.” he said, taking the pill from the food tray and a glass of water and gave it to the young man.

“Mhm.” Roach nodded his head and took the pill and drank it, placing those back to the food tray. “I’m feel s-so sleepy.” he murmured softly while gazing at his superior with his heavy lids. “Are you g-going to watch the T-TV?” he asked in a drowsy trail then yawned again.

“Yes. You can sleep here on my shoulder or on my lap if you like.” Ghost patted his lap while looking at the young man with his smirk behind.

Without any hesitation, the young man fell on the lap of his superior and shifted his body to a fetal position, making himself more comfortable as ever.  The warmth of Ghost made him comfortable and secured as ever, like his superior was a radiator himself.

Not too long, his consciousness started fading away and he was falling into his dark void stance. But before he faded, he felt Ghost’s hand brushing his hair in a gentle manner and stroking his cheeks softly, making him smile slightly.

_He thought it as a beautiful dream_

_For he felt a soft kiss on his cheek._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eep! So much fluffiness and mushiness and sugarness and cornineshhhh!!! Ahem... Sorry for my outburst which is unintentional but at the same time intentional 'coz wild emotions just blew up inside my chest. Okay, okay. If you felt the same way I feel, hit the kudos button or leave a review right now!
> 
> Like, right now.


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